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“TO SHOW WEAKNESS IS ALSO FORM OF BRAVERY” I remember my father telling us that on a random night when we were about to sleep.
I have never understood what he meant until the very time I felt I was drowning from my own emotions; seemingly drenched by my own thoughts like a soaked towel, I felt heavy.
I’ve always been someone whose energy and presence was loud enough for everyone to notice. I was that shy kid who’s gonna eventually become the joker of the room. At that time I thought that “sadness” is mostly likely only a **choice**. I thought it would only dawn on one if they let it happen but _I was wrong_.
It happens. Whatever we do, it will. I was in complete downhill from a loss of a loved-one who told me the very phrase. Suddenly, all of it was gone;I felt like an autumn tree, I was fading and soon enough I felt like a stranger to eveyone and to myself.
I concealed my emotions. I laughed and I smiled like it was real. I spoke to everyone just like how I usually would and I joked around. I would go on with my day as if I wasn’t carrying any heaviness in my heart. I was so scared and ashamed of admitting on what I was going through. I was afraid, what if they laugh at me? or judge me for being weak? Maybe they’ll think I just want attention or I’m just overreacting? But most of all what if they’ll just tell that I’m okay, that I’m soon gonna be okay and nothing else?
But some things has got to end. It was time for me bring down the curtains of the despair I was holding unto.
It was on 9th grade and I was 14 years old at the time when I finally broke down. I told my bestfriend about how I trully felt through the years and I let it all out to her in the adoration chapel, after that I was finally ready to say it all to my dearest Mama. I talked to her about it in the most casual and calm way (drama would be awkward tbh haha). I didn’t cry but I felt light as if a thousand thorns were pulled to my chest and all that’s left was a beautiful rose. It was the most genuine smile I have ever done and the purest joy I have ever felt after almost 3 years. The bravest thing I have ever done in my life was to show my weakness to the dearest in my life,my mother. My Daddy was right and I finally understood.
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