Men's security comes from achievement, women's security comes from love.
Among the major schools of psychology, psychologists generally believe that "men's security comes from achievement, women's security comes from love". According to developmental psychology, the reason why men and women's security sources are different is because men are better at creating and women are better at managing. Men can create things according to their ability, but are not good at taking care of; women are not good at creating things, but with their meticulous side, they can take care of and manage things better. It is because of this difference that men are more in pursuit of creating things in the process of growing up, and women are more focused on managing things in the process of growing up.
## What is the difference between creating and managing?
Simply put, men are better at making money, but not so good at managing money; women are better at managing money, but not so good at making money. From the point of view of cognitive thinking, the reason why men are better at making money is because men favor rationality, logic and thinking. Men are good at using the resources around them as well as their own abilities, experience, will be integrated to create wealth. Women are better at managing money because they favor sensibility, intuition and judgment. Using these strengths of their own, it is easier to manage and administer wealth. Back to the level of security, the more wealth men create the more secure they feel, and the more wealth women can manage and control the more secure they feel.
According to the logic above, a man's achievement can be simplified to how much wealth he has. More wealth means a greater sense of accomplishment and naturally a high sense of inner security. But how does a woman's security and need for love manifest itself in terms of management, control and operation? According to psychological analysis, the essence of love is actually management, control and management. The love of parents for their children as it is, the love between lovers as it is, the friendship between friends is even more so. Because you love someone, so you will think about managing him, will want to control him. At the same time, love a person, is also the process of continuous management. So for women, the source of security is love.
## Men and women's perception of security
It can only be said that the universal law is like this, of course, there will be individual cases. This law is: men only to create greater achievements, will have a stronger sense of security; women only to get more love, will have a stronger sense of security. To explain this law, you need to refer to a law of social psychology, that is, "the law of beauty for status". That is, in building intimate relationships, what attracts women is a man's status; and what attracts men is a woman's beauty. For men, in order to improve their attractiveness in the opposite sex, they must continue to create achievements; while for women, in order to improve their attractiveness in the opposite sex, they must maintain a good figure.
Although in the new age both men and women are equal, women can also create many achievements and men can love someone sincerely. But in terms of subconscious deep-seated security, the objective reality is this. In other words, no matter how much a woman creates, there will still be insecurity in her subconscious unless she has a lover by her side. A man, no matter how sincerely he loves someone, if he has little status and little wealth, he will also be insecure and worried about being abandoned by the other side. Both men and women have to face the fact that as they slowly get older, their looks and figures will disappear.
In other words, both men and women, can not rely on their looks and body securely for life. In order to cope with the anxiety of age, men have to work hard to create achievements; women have to find a person who loves them while their looks and body are still there. The above analysis of security is based on a common purpose in life, that is, everyone has to pursue someone they like and be with them for the rest of their lives. In fact, as time goes on, many people do not consider this to be the sole purpose of life. Despite not considering marriage as the sole purpose of life, anxiety about age is objectively present and people still create security in their own way in order to eliminate it.
## Be wary of falling into a pathological need for security
Men caught in the pathological need for security, will appear to be full of ambition. Although the reality is not much, but the heart has high ideals, which will make the individual a state of "depression". The individual does not have the ability to create greater achievements, but in his fantasy he can create greater achievements, so that he cannot accept himself as he is. The result is to complain about one's misfortunes or the lack of a good environment in which to grow up. To avoid falling into the pathological need for security, one should accept oneself unconditionally, whether one is mediocre or good. Do your best on the basis of accepting yourself.
Women caught in a pathological need for security will present a state of desperate need to be loved by others. They will try every way to get the love of others and feel anxious once others do not love them. They have to do the daily work of having to make sure that the people around them love them, or else they are not in their element all day. Obviously, such people think of security as others loving them, and they simply believe that as long as others love them they will not hurt themselves and will be able to satisfy their needs. Want to avoid falling into the pathological need for security, should learn to self-love, while needing to love others, in order to be able to get the real love of others.
In short, men and women will differ in their pursuit of security. But in general, only those who can fully accept themselves and fully accept others will truly have security. And only if you learn to affirm your own value first, others will find your value.