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When I go into a movie with low expectations, I am, sometimes, pleasantly surprised. Most of the time the movie ends up being bad and I tell myself "you knew what you were getting yourself into." On rare occasion, the movie manages to be such an epic dumpster fire that it leaves me stunned by its incompetence. The Open House, unfortunately, falls into this third category.
Before I even talk about the plot, I want to point out that the title of the film is awful for more than one reason. There was already another film with the title Open House, so rather than taking the five minutes that it would require to come up with a new title, they slap the word "The" in front of Open House and call it a day. I know that there are lots of movies with the problem of having similar titles but it feels particularly lazy here because the title isn't all that descriptive. The open house scene in The Open House lasts five minutes and is little more than a plot device to set up the events of the film. This would be like changing the name Star Wars to The Murdered Uncle. Star Wars does, in fact, have uncle murder in it but it isn't really what the movie is about.
Okay, it is time to explain the thing that was supposed to be a plot in The Open House. The film introduces us to a family, which includes a father, mother, and teenage son. I would tell you their names but they really don't matter because the characters are all just stereotypes in in this movie. Instead, I will just name them for the lazy archetypes that they represent. Let's call these three Blue Collar Joe, Kind Of Milf, and Whiny Teenage Coward. Blue Collar Joe is abruptly killed in a accident at the beginning of The Open House, which leaves Whiny Teenage Coward and Kind Of Milf in a tight financial position. They are allowed to move into the vacation mansion of a wealthy family member to help sell the house but are, apparently, not paid for their service. To help facilitate the sale of the home, they hold an open house. A creepy stalker comes to the open house and hides somewhere in the home. He begins tormenting Kind Of Milf and Whiny Teenage Coward. Kind Of Milf meets a super friendly black guy (lets call him Super Friendly Black Guy), who seems to be romantically interested in her. She is receptive but Whiny Teenage Coward "cock blocks" him pretty hard. This is done in a way that left me wondering if Whiny Teenage Coward is mad because someone is flirting with his recently widowed mother or if he is just very racist. Either way, what he does is a "dick move" in my mind. The torment continues and becomes more troubling. They try calling the police, who search the house but find nothing. This point would be fine if there was a satisfactory explanation for how the stalker manages to hide or get in and out of the house but there isn't. Whiny Teenage Coward calls Super Friendly Black Guy and he comes to stay at the murder house instead of inviting the two over to his place for reasons that are not explained. Despite believing that someone is in the house, they all go right to sleep. I don't know about you but if I found myself in this situation, I would be setting a trap for this guy. Maybe, I would by buy a gun. The film is set in the U.S, so getting a gun isn't exactly expensive or hard work (seriously, I looked it up before I started writing and you can get a cheap pistol for $139.99). Then I would pretend to be asleep but really be hiding and waiting for an opportunity to shoot this creep in the face. I beg you forgive my digression. Whiny Teenage Coward awakens to find that Super Friendly Black Guy is now Super Dead Black Guy and is later knocked unconscious by the murderer. Kind Of Milf is attacked and tortured. Whiny Teenage Coward awakens again, tries to save Kind Of Milf, accidentally stabs her, runs from the murderer who he could have easily stabbed with the same knife he left in his mom, he falls down, he flails around like a dying fish instead of fighting back, and is killed. The movie ends with the killer driving to another open house.
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There is a bunch of stuff wrong with The Open House but lets start by looking at the big flaws. The film isn't sure if it wants to be a slasher horror movie or a psychological thriller and seems to alternate between the two genres for no real reason. The build up is "thriller-ish" but the action and the nonsensical ability for the killer to just disappear when it is convenient for the story feels like something right out one of the lesser installments of one of the lesser slasher film series (I'm talking about you I Still Know What You Did Last Summer). Their reasons for staying are not believable either. It isn't their house, so why do they care about their rich family member's stuff when anything valuable is likely insured for more than it is worth anyway? They can just leave whenever they want but they don't because then the movie would be over and that would be such a awful tragedy, wouldn't it? If I think some one is in my house waiting to kill me I would sleep in my car before take the chance but that never occurs to Kind Of Milf or Whiny Teenage Coward either. Speaking of sleeping, why does everyone fall right asleep when they, clearly, think this is going ongoing on in this house? Does narcolepsy run in this family or something? I also have a hard time believing that neither Kind Of Milf, Super Friendly/Dead Black Guy, nor Whiny Teenage Coward ever try to fight back. It is like they give up as soon as the killer touches them. For example, when Whiny Teenage Coward is being killed he is sitting right next to some big rocks that he could but doesn't use to cave in the killers skull. I am not going to say that he would have survived but he could have, at least, made the guy have to work at killing him. There is more that I could write but this paragraph is too long as it is. Suffice to say, the movie doesn't make much sense.
Another thing that drove me crazy in The Open House is that none of the characters seem to understand how light switches work. On multiple occasions, Whiny Teenage Coward and Kind Of Milf wander around in the darkness instead of using the light switch that is right next to them on the wall. Lots of horror movies do this, admittedly, but this one is a major offender because there were times where the switch is actually visible in the shot.
Come on man, these things aren't exactly complicated, are they? (image credit: freeimages.com)
The acting is very flat and lacks emotion. It isn't The Room levels of bad (that might have actually made this movie better, if truth be told) but it isn't going to make you weep with joy; it might make you weep from frustration, though.
The music really hurts this movie in several ways. First of all it is not subtle at all. It is as though the music constantly screams (that isn't a metaphor, by the way, it is way too loud) "I am a horror movie so you should feel uneasy now" and that steals the last crumb of subtlety the movie might have had. The music telegraphs the (terrible) jump scares too. Whenever you hear the music build, you can, with a great deal of accuracy, predict when the jump scare will happen, which utterly defeats the purpose of having jump scares in the first place. I am not exaggerating. There were points during the movie where I told myself that "a jump scare is coming in 3, 2, 1" and, sure enough, there it was, right on time, in all its disappointing glory.
The cinematography was okay but not good enough to save the movie. It looks like a typical horror film, so I won't complain here.
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The Open House is stunningly bad. I usually try to find something positive in my reviews but I, honestly, can't do that this time. If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, find something else. Try Rosemary's Baby, it is old but still great. If you are limited to Netflix then check out Veronica that one wasn't half bad, if you ask me.
Peace.
Note on image credit: Unless otherwise credited, the images in this post are sourced from the film's promotional material or are screen shots from the film.