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I'm doing a free art-marathon on Julia Cameron's "The artist's Way." Every week we read one Chapter of the book and perform tasks on it.
The most important, which there is in every week - Creative rendezvous (something personal, no one with you).
And Morning pages - writing 3 pages in the morning - about everything, it is not important about what, the main thing - to write.
I've decided to share my report this week with you. Perhaps someone will benefit from it.
6 week of art marathon "The way of the artist". Report.
1. I wrote the Morning pages 6 times. Or 5? I don't remember exactly and I don't want to watch right now. Also I have not read a book in 5 and 6 week and just today, I read 5 week.
It was clear for me, that this self-sabotage and departure from own dreams and creativity, and also still from something important – from myself.
And after reading Chapter 5, it became even clearer to me...
2. Creative date. It's the first time I feel like I've had a really full creative date with myself.
I now understand that I did not really need any theatres or any other public places where I could be among people.
I needed privacy. Long, long.
But I didn't allow it, consciously or unconsciously.
I found excuses not to do. I was lazy. I avoided colliding with myself.
I still don’t know for sure what it is profitable for me, but I feel that everything is exactly so – I postpone (yes, I still continue to do it) something very important in my life. I don't live my life to the full extent. Not anyone's, only mine.
So what is a creative date, I'm writing about it))!?
It was walking.
Late afternoon, when all the things were done, all the obligations fulfilled. Time for myself.
I wanted to escape in the middle of reading 5 chapters. I wanted to drop everything right then, but I read to the end, like a good girl (ha! even in this I try to be mandatory, although no one would have suffered if I had not read!)), and only then went for a walk.
I'm alone. Finally! Nobody conditioned me with their presence. It took me literally 5 minutes to feel the beauty of fresh air.
The cold wind was blowing, but I was warmly dressed – I had a lot of fun that I was protected from it and can enjoy privacy despite the weather, which is considered "so-so weather".
I saw all the beauty of the asphalt, which flickered under the light of yellow lanterns. It is such a cozy warm light that makes everything joyful and pleasant.
I enjoyed bushes with yellow-brown leaves and black berries – I not seen before, that berries still not fall off, I was sure they were long gone.
But now I SEE!
Finally today I SAW!
I saw everything and absorbed through vision all the beauty, harmony and unity of the world. Dirt, slush, bare black in the dark tree branches and rare leaves on some of them, the strength of the wind, the freshness of the air – all that came my way.
It was more pleasant to me to look at the nature, at what grows and lives itself, without human intervention.
I did not want to see people, although when they met, I treated them calmly. I liked that I was going alone.
This is nice! Indescribable! I finally felt the world. I understand how I feel. That I can really feel.
I can live with my own feelings, not someone else's.
And I can enjoy what I have.
And what's around here.
And to feel this interpenetration and all its beauty.
I was crying from happiness. From the pain happiness: you know, when the one for a long time did not allow oneself something, and now allowed.
And this powerful stream, which suddenly broke, demolished all unnecessary, and one is experiencing catharsis from this great power.
Just like this. I write, remember it all, and crying from the pain of happiness again.
It was a real journey. Exterior – the streets of the city. And at the same time, internal – according to my feelings. I live again.
Someone may seem from the outside that I was more alive than all the living: always do something, somewhere involved, don’t disappear.
But I think each of us has a little bit of potential, which is still not disclosed.
Another piece of dream that is waiting in the wings.
A little more, more and more – and then we will come to something new in ourselves!
That's what was important to me. And yet that is what I would like to say.
Not only to myself, but to all who, perhaps, doesn’t allow themselves to do something.
Who says "Yes" to the world, but still says "no" or "then" to himself.
Am I for the world or the world for me? There should be no distortions and oppositions. Everything needs balance.
And if you're skewed in one direction, swing in the opposite.