Giving Time, Time by chinyerevivian

hive-170798 · @chinyerevivian · Mar 20 '20

$2.73

Giving Time, Time

<center>![fantasy-3060912_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcb7PjGLeyAdjwBHegaVZpCD38ixLoQ3NKa7XxqSpTCn2/fantasy-3060912_1280.jpg)</center>
***
Her fingers were moving, again. She smiled as she watched them play. She enjoyed it now – the way they moved, back and forth without breaking pace. She closed her eyes. She was getting there. It'd only be a few seconds now. She had learned to cherish this moment. It was the only time she escaped, the only time she worried about nothing at all. She bit her lip as it hit her. The euphoria had become so familiar. It bothered her sometimes that she still couldn't enjoy it freely, yet she took as much as she could, whenever the mood struck.

She controlled the quaking of her knees as she pulled her legs up. She loved the feeling of contentment. She lay still a moment longer, basking in it. She smiled and touched her lower lip. It was wet. Blood. She was becoming savage. A movement at her far right caught her attention. The dim candle flickered once more. She loved the intimacy the darkness brought. It helped her sleep. Further away still, lay a body, breathing evenly. She looked away and forced the tears back.

“Open up.”

She watched the woman look from the plate to the spoon before opening her mouth. She released the breath she didn't realise she held. There were no objections this time. Usually, the woman would refuse to eat and on good days, wouldn't go beyond six to eight spoons. Today, however, was different. She had lost count.

“One more.”

The last spoon disappeared. She smiled and touched the woman's face. It had become so lean. She traced the birthmark on her right jaw. There was so much love in her eyes. She wiped food crumbs from the woman's mouth quietly. The tears were gathering again. She was becoming a cry baby. She sighed. She kept her eyes down and kept her hands busy, gathering the plates. Underneath that love and worry was so much pain. She hid it well. Why wouldn't she when something bigger faced her everyday. She had had years to learn. Sometimes it slipped. Sometimes she let the woman see.

She had just turned nineteen when it first happened. She didn't recognise what it was. Being a quiet child, no eyebrows were raised. She wanted to have the conversation many times, and each time, she talked herself out of it. She had no idea how to explain. Growing up in a religious home made it more difficult. Everything was spiritual. Why talk about it when you could pray? And pray, she did. She loved God. She still did. But now, she knew how things worked.

She never taught about it much, those earlier days. It would come and go for weeks, even months. She loved quietude, so isolating herself was next to normal. The constant stomach upsets rang no bells. Crying for no reason raised no questions in her mind. Later, when it all began to make sense, she still couldn't connect the event that led to it, if there was any at all.

There were days she woke so exhausted she couldn't hold on to a single thought. Not that she liked living in the moment, but it was difficult to not wonder. She had always been a thorough person. There were also days she woke so hyper she couldn't control the energy. Those were the days she dreaded the most. It struck harder than ever when the episode passed. The woman would stay up all night looking after her, saving her from herself.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

The woman paused her lips for a long time and without another word, walked back inside the house. She sat on the floor by the pool and stared unseeing at the water. Until that moment, she hadn't realised what she was doing. Over the years, she had thought about ropes and needles, and tying stones to her feet. One time, she flushed her shaving blade down the toilet because she couldn't stop imagining how it would feel like to cut herself, little by little.

She patted the stones in the pocket of her shorts and closed her eyes. She still didn't understand why the woman asked no questions, after all these years. There were days she would wake and see traces of blood on her sheets. The woman would tend to her wounds silently. Sometimes, she would hold her hands. She had no memory of them, nor could she remember how she got half the scars on her body. She only knew she put them there.

The body was moving now. She stood and with unsteady legs, walked towards the woman. Eight years ago, she had learned to detached her brain from her emotions. She didn't allow herself to feel so much anymore. It became easier. Now that she had a name for it. She recognised the triggers. She liked to believe she was in control.

Everything threatened to fall apart when the woman got ill. The long awaited conversation happened then. For a brief moment, she feared that something bad might happen. There was never many words between them, though they shared a bond. She didn't enjoy talking about it. She was so used to being alone with her thoughts. But she felt lighter.

Indulging in ecstacy was her way of escaping it. She had fought it in the beginning. Now, she just let herself feel. The support group wasn't bad either. She had decided to give time, time.

“C'mon, mother. It's time for your medicine.”

<center>https://fontmeme.com/permalink/180923/8161d4637d4fe4c81ea0aa136f466fc8.png</center>

***
This is my entry for this week's [The Ink Well Fiction challenge](https://steemit.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/the-ink-well-fiction-writing-challenge-2-what-is-your-major-malfunction).

I loved the prompt for this week immediately I saw it. What I didn't realise was how difficult it would be to write. Observing people and writing about them is one thing, exploring feelings that are familiar to you is another. I'm not sure I've been so emotionally invested in a story before. Somehow, I feel it's incomplete.

Tell me your thoughts.

[<sub>image source</sub>](https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-monument-woman-statue-3060912/)

👍 redpalestino, steemed-proxy, tombstone, nickyhavey, raj808, postpromoter, ctime, ruth-girl, payroll, curie, nateaguila, inature, numberofthingz, hendrikdegrote, goblinknackers, josediccus, jerrybanfield, truce, holm, ambyr00, epicdice, backscratcher, justtryme90, chinyerevivian, joshmania, linakay, stayoutoftherz, bitrocker2020, cryptoxicate, ronaldoavelino, sharkface, roncoejr, ketcom, taskmaster4450, mvd, yangoldberg, gascap9000, pladozero, nworb, cryptofiloz, marfonso, sc-steemit, blueorgy, kenanqhd, macoolette, gandhibaba, travisung, mahdiyari, ano123, daltono, majes.tytyty, theestateof.mind, gharrington44, stormlight24, eric-boucher, michaeljn, bloom, onepercentbetter, resiliencia, ikrahch, steemer-sayu907, world-travel-pro, djlethalskillz, dearw, and 474 others
👎 camillesteemer, vioeko

`post_id`	85,330,436
`author`	chinyerevivian
`permlink`	giving-time-time
`category`	hive-170798
`json_metadata`	{"tags":["fiction","writing","creativecoin","palnet","neoxian","powerhousecreatives","story"],"image":["https:\/\/cdn.steemitimages.com\/DQmcb7PjGLeyAdjwBHegaVZpCD38ixLoQ3NKa7XxqSpTCn2\/fantasy-3060912_1280.jpg","https:\/\/fontmeme.com\/permalink\/180923\/8161d4637d4fe4c81ea0aa136f466fc8.png"],"links":["https:\/\/steemit.com\/hive-170798\/@theinkwell\/the-ink-well-fiction-writing-challenge-2-what-is-your-major-malfunction","https:\/\/pixabay.com\/photos\/fantasy-monument-woman-statue-3060912\/"],"app":"steemit\/0.2","format":"markdown"}
`created`	2020-03-20 10:42:51
`last_update`	2020-03-20 10:42:51
`depth`	0
`children`	3
`net_rshares`	11,721,395,407,335
`last_payout`	2020-03-27 10:42:51
`cashout_time`	1969-12-31 23:59:59
`total_payout_value`	1.406 SBD
`curator_payout_value`	1.323 SBD
`pending_payout_value`	0.000 SBD
`promoted`	0.000 SBD
`body_length`	5,964
`author_reputation`	38,805,107,322,101
`root_title`	"Giving Time, Time"
`beneficiaries`	`[]`
`max_accepted_payout`	1,000,000.000 SBD
`percent_steem_dollars`	10,000
`author_curate_reward`	""

properties (23)vote details (540)

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eric-boucher	23,318,295,991	6%
anwenbaumeister	570,681,576	12%
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trevonjb	16,846,756,614	5%
matt-a	7,024,277,360	0.25%
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diana.catherine	1,584,435,127	12%
jesse5th	103,497,888	50%
sinzzer	2,909,128,652	5%
blueorgy	35,407,655,942	9%
sharker	639,514,363	3.6%
happyphoenix	3,042,874,628	5%
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theb0red1	7,194,320,068	5%
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alaqrab	7,304,248,700	6%
mikehere	913,798,435	5%
realitycartoon	1,304,263,335	5%
team101	3,331,600,027	5%
lk666	4,143,813,114	6%
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curie	266,829,754,525	12%
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bloom	21,710,565,908	6%
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arnel	2,001,305,883	6%
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iansart	12,973,994,331	6%
mvd	52,255,495,157	6%
holm	89,238,427,625	5%
forykw	15,348,400,912	6%
opinizeunltd	496,500,450	5%
jagged	5,194,388,882	2.4%
luvabi	744,574,165	3.6%
jerrybanfield	106,222,102,441	7%
world-travel-pro	20,073,136,107	5%
bitrocker2020	57,711,961,364	5%
jiujitsu	482,992,215	6%
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aboutyourbiz	2,025,171,672	12%
hotsauceislethal	12,382,750,866	5%
moemanmoesly	1,926,703,360	5%
kenanqhd	33,086,812,921	5%
guchtere	563,213,449	6%
techken	0	0%
cryptokrieg	464,163,029	12%
rival	3,187,296,290	2%
wesphilbin	862,614,626	2.4%
ruth-girl	340,021,148,427	100%
binkyprod	2,997,203,036	6%
tngflx	3,203,061,713	3.6%
coloringiship	627,499,665	1.8%
sndbox	8,917,191,961	7.2%
flatman	13,379,914,289	12%
allcapsonezero	6,446,156,152	6%
sallybeth23	4,661,911,061	5%
akomoajong	1,190,540,735	5%
nitego	603,120,233	3.6%
neumannsalva	6,025,507,221	6%
stayoutoftherz	60,536,837,216	4.8%
stevethevagabond	10,140,679,380	6%
phelimint	2,291,049,274	5%
pixelfan	7,725,298,670	1.3%
resiliencia	21,056,054,254	5%
supriya1993	6,400,680,787	15%
prapanth	1,375,855,801	6%
syedumair	15,968,418,264	5%
somethingburger	887,158,037	7.2%
otage	19,504,267,217	5%
hdmed	4,901,962,142	12%
sunisa	1,652,542,419	4.2%
aaronleang	8,954,855,723	5%
dream.trip	822,483,782	12%
aftabkhan10	3,239,332,563	5%
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garudi	743,848,588	12%
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revo	12,256,085,459	12%
djlethalskillz	19,778,276,334	15%
stickchumpion	1,559,174,908	6%
noloafing	18,448,490,111	9.6%
zeugen	585,395,694	2.5%
kimzwarch	8,733,493,016	4%
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eurodale	631,369,863	6%
chimzycash	3,936,605,233	5%
raj808	619,151,496,324	100%
torico	2,677,421,656	3.96%
yangoldberg	51,199,277,876	12%
taskmaster4450	52,425,306,828	5%
minnowpowerup	2,935,631,542	6%
majes.tytyty	27,804,443,513	2.4%
dokter-purnama	1,178,769,851	6%
infamousit	4,123,757,997	25%
bibkchhetri	914,141,583	5%
derekvonzarovich	980,930,015	6%
cryptononymous	1,533,462,411	6%
filipino	266,499,329	10%
jlsplatts	6,391,429,340	1.5%
dauerossi	4,504,601,772	30%
buttcoins	11,205,309,443	2.4%
gregan	977,300,066	6%
steemed-proxy	1,174,371,122,636	5.76%
fatkat	2,407,722,471	5.99%
peaceandwar	1,941,237,794	6%
josediccus	124,639,545,501	40%
tazbaz	1,166,105,708	6%
jaforce	2,037,906,852	5%
florian-glechner	3,056,786,282	1.2%
jesusj1	112,523,223	100%
silentsoularts	889,055,081	80%
battebilly	2,114,616,349	6%
dbooster	1,996,610,804	5%
michaeljn	22,578,079,451	5%
jinygoh	5,306,452,910	25%
myach	9,664,789,488	5%
tworealsolutions	2,217,017,338	5%
mattroconnor	1,353,976,265	5%
postpromoter	606,401,012,239	12%
bluefinstudios	1,624,752,289	3.6%
steveconnor	6,317,310,280	6%
sankysanket18	4,766,643,147	6%
thevillan	586,770,496	0.6%
nicole-st	5,085,700,321	6%
teukurival	1,004,224,579	6%
drmake	6,696,425,619	6%
danile666	2,874,875,949	6%
pechichemena	2,805,200,613	2.4%
bestwhale	97,429,827	50%
amrumk	96,419,349	25%
mhm-philippines	18,599,940,338	6%
skycae	1,576,188,788	12%
itchyfeetdonica	12,392,511,925	2.4%
xanderslee	684,626,393	12%
brutledge	823,969,701	6%
kenadis	1,592,262,418	6%
joannewong	14,973,360,845	5%
syedubair	1,956,792,736	5%
onemedia	1,191,584,940	12%
lextenebris	1,312,210,593	6%
thescubageek	805,934,764	6%
rombtc	809,340,601	5%
mitchadventures	3,512,901,927	5%
ledjo1991	90,055,703	50%
venalbe	1,602,847,654	6%
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dechastre	2,019,774,546	2.4%
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reizak	1,123,418,703	4.8%
zlatkamrs	706,541,350	11.4%
carn	945,750,451	9%
iamjadeline	3,165,551,530	1.8%
hetty-rowan	543,044,780	3%
payger	602,000,995	6%
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slacktmusic	635,825,922	5%
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steemboat-steve	1,188,644,009	6%
badfatcat	928,120,985	10%
ikrahch	20,598,005,316	5%
soufiani	4,619,054,420	4.8%
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gascap9000	50,602,022,246	5%
leoumesh	2,284,441,108	5%
rbalzan79	4,484,757,223	8.4%
mininthecity	650,657,667	9.6%
jlordc	2,211,720,871	5%
anayakhan	2,996,899,310	5%
didic	4,025,423,656	6%
niko3d	544,789,508	6%
miss-travel-pro	1,854,650,866	5%
operahoser	1,143,864,656	1.8%
upfundme	813,293,492	0.6%
numberofthingz	149,442,200,488	5%
beverages	17,899,996,169	6%
funkymunky20000	1,413,204,884	5%
oghie	1,215,824,928	50%
vegan.niinja	830,309,344	6%
cyprianj	1,522,859,909	12%
bernardino	696,609,693	6%
kitalee	1,432,225,302	6%
tajstar	84,086,789	100%
vicesrus	15,163,552,793	6%
cryptoslo	2,628,472,125	5%
zipporah	4,933,438,394	2.4%
ceptocide555	1,202,298,106	5%
cryptofuwealth	125,473,303	11%
randumb	3,056,420,662	5%
notagenius	283,980,244	100%
wrecktangle27	10,551,558,213	5%
norwegianbikeman	16,822,914,115	20%
ambitiouslife	751,680,292	6%
positiveninja	1,657,502,963	6%
oadissin	1,857,824,842	5%
babarakas43	3,321,327,480	5%
deathlyhorror	4,781,482,939	6%
limelightmg	5,329,808,951	5%
fturner19	1,250,901,834	5%
rativiv	10,543,421,621	5%
nickychu	2,602,926,385	5%
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lordjames	10,514,527,412	6%
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greendeliverence	1,257,210,667	5%
bil.prag	1,204,863,844	0.6%
truce	96,681,661,159	5%
onepercentbetter	21,424,262,993	5%
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rawn	3,745,283,475	5%
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juli1	449,582,102	74%
qberry	6,341,008,521	6%
stmdev	209,444,846	2%
pg-live-pt	2,665,056,196	5%
rambutan.art	2,735,954,122	12%
markko	89,846,720	100%
demondantv	3,649,189,501	5%
yameen	1,717,532,205	5%
pasie15	683,404,682	5%
beastlybanter	5,171,236,698	5%
c0wtschpotato	998,978,837	6%
misan	1,101,869,067	6%
headcrypto	553,122,023	5%
tiket	1,953,795,663	5%
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misia1979	1,273,262,972	6%
ospro	2,363,039,780	5%
payroll	307,934,581,771	1%
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outtheshellvlog	1,315,415,385	6%
chinyerevivian	63,809,965,030	100%
kendallron	726,364,860	30%
mraggaj	1,678,272,580	5%
cubby	828,117,045	5%
srijana-gurung	2,223,187,858	6%
softmetal	4,703,214,605	5%
nashvegas	715,801,494	6%
rightwing670	9,862,357,388	5%
indayclara	627,789,514	15%
musicvoter	8,996,059,659	2%
nickyhavey	670,987,729,371	100%
jordanwarren	98,881,185	50%
crystalhuman	1,196,258,630	12%
ifeoluwa88	2,554,287,376	5%
ragnar94	932,473,845	5%
pladozero	47,606,090,946	10%
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nateaguila	219,742,500,544	8%
stevenwood	658,267,435	3.99%
devilsdad	609,132,564	5%
syedshakil	1,730,906,068	5%
steemjet	1,593,159,833	6%
shookriya	692,218,490	2.66%
motherofalegend	1,257,114,528	6%
pinas	538,367,856	50%
superledger	11,497,260,080	50%
musicvoter2	8,369,137,924	1%
camillesteemer	-13,414,364	-10%
myfreebtc	2,435,981,177	6%
niouton	609,435,176	2.4%
drawmeaship	796,069,760	6%
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imcharming	3,249,900,814	100%
schroders	4,785,929,616	3.6%
lagtv	12,689,300,992	5%
sagesigma	947,275,729	1%
hardaeborla	714,706,297	6%
byebyehamburgers	2,041,183,354	5%
cheese4ead	2,299,029,126	6%
joelsegovia	2,536,864,581	5%
reconstitution	550,977,376	12%
ashikstd	559,140,092	2.4%
longer	2,960,091,773	50%
blewitt	17,029,002,330	0.6%
kafupraise	130,251,206	34%
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fernando.lubezki	721,371,934	10.8%
ilovecryptopl	1,816,350,076	9.6%
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lilzmom902	1,518,503,690	5%
yomismosoy	484,031,657	50%
bflanagin	5,624,487,228	6%
lillywilton	1,315,404,434	20%
bestofph	5,893,365,719	30%
call-me-howie	1,150,540,132	6%
ireenchew	6,879,272,877	5%
hansmast	924,390,499	6%
goblinknackers	128,845,372,442	4%
jluvs2fly	11,164,247,438	5%
wstanley226	95,653,847	50%
jk6276	3,007,428,593	3.6%
dronegraphica	1,060,072,765	3%
yaelg	2,416,332,914	5%
pvinny69	3,189,006,748	12%
alexran	549,539,986	5%
minuetoacademy	565,589,029	12%
orthodoxnudism	1,143,747,143	6%
kylealex	5,585,052,433	10%
lilcryptita	2,493,197,702	5%
orlandogonzalez	1,710,705,957	25%
master1992	17,145,101,484	5%
minimining	1,377,582,406	6%
betza90	539,251,828	100%
theexcelclub	16,314,309,159	5%
maeusenews	1,949,324,967	5%
cryptohodlgroup	10,171,982,626	5%
hiatus	2,089,538,885	5%
annaabi	1,453,986,493	6%
smartkid809	92,134,848	30%
skorup87	14,807,203	11%
inature	183,365,041,408	5%
elvenbard	50,298,545	50%
twotoedsloth	1,468,314,556	3.6%
bobby.madagascar	6,405,351,731	5%
trang	1,237,817,700	6%
yashshah991	90,196,229	50%
marfonso	37,411,616,009	5%
palasatenea	994,065,596	6%
rhethypo	655,205,142	6%
truelovemom	2,189,994,257	5%
knightbjj	1,855,472,033	9%
the.success.club	4,148,569,260	6%
chickenmeat	2,266,691,863	6%
macoolette	33,029,101,274	2.4%
javier.dejuan	2,849,792,105	12%
cryptoxicate	55,930,015,943	5%
faithfullwills	89,168,256	85%
tommyl33	1,505,266,506	6%
jimbi	2,809,202,627	5%
the4thmusketeer	1,845,349,055	5%
craignow	794,609,175	5%
qwoyn	622,981,652	1.2%
reverseacid	863,310,044	6%
pushpedal	831,724,074	6%
tinabrezpike	2,189,038,819	100%
alvin0617	1,103,421,344	6%
solarphasing	697,554,164	5%
glastar	17,899,577,822	5%
theestateof.mind	25,427,472,062	5%
nworb	47,001,416,926	5%
lagtvgames	19,349,701,292	5%
ketcom	52,889,375,565	5%
anthive	83,415,287	50%
double-negative	539,898,295	20%
khan.dayyanz	2,387,172,117	12%
ferrate	3,642,652,509	5%
ppss	940,391,181	11.76%
bittrio	1,343,029,669	5%
healthexpert	12,385,699,108	6%
steemturbo	923,172,140	5%
vaultec	4,031,666,112	12%
steemit-art	539,116,198	100%
steemegg	907,459,310	3%
cryptovues	2,708,209,916	5%
travisung	32,718,501,588	6%
e-r-k-a-n	3,341,442,580	5%
ctime	590,103,972,263	6%
hairgistix	5,915,536,743	6%
goodcontentbot	513,793,997	50%
rem-steem	4,096,622,413	2.4%
hanyseek	78,306,675	50%
cerd26	77,815,715	78%
herculean	123,398,266	50%
pulleyhead	2,601,116,556	12%
tulwave	2,633,291,317	5%
paleotwist	1,174,735,566	5%
cecilian	743,606,123	6%
hungrybear	2,495,966,552	5%
hans001	1,861,515,454	5%
bluemaskman	1,071,832,983	6%
cryptological	1,612,668,804	6%
steemean	6,391,057,955	5%
hashkings	3,803,607,940	1.2%
breakout101	1,395,940,327	6%
cleiver	70,561,826	50%
chrisluke	289,629,758	26%
c4cristi3	1,776,293,903	5%
ravi7696	1,955,077,566	5%
arnaldoropeza	570,364,440	6%
ano123	32,025,176,504	5%
gharrington44	24,778,437,382	5%
cryptofiloz	38,714,835,772	5%
sumotori	1,314,161,264	75%
jackramsey	831,334,950	4.25%
olaexcel	1,110,892,594	5%
dear01	1,002,661,579	5%
filosof103	1,518,969,784	6%
coreyssteemit77	511,689,129	5%
backscratcher	69,436,973,318	5%
brendanweinhold	407,502,889	100%
x-tech	1,709,990,508	5%
celine-robichaud	113,276,432	50%
coredump	98,231,801	3%
begood2me	1,600,627,938	6%
epicdice	79,637,140,679	3.6%
bitcoingodmode	874,516,633	75%
sallhiddles	73,932,833	100%
iamsaray	571,594,700	6%
thetechspot	256,041,197	26%
moro1992	555,660,617	5%
doggy5	68,431,961	100%
xyzxyz	1,987,581,189	5%
newtrailers	19,399,138,847	5%
fractalfrank	16,705,915,909	6%
trydice	9,670,345,527	5%
evanstinger	3,162,406,159	5%
ookii	3,634,492,572	5%
xyz001	631,949,150	6%
octalmage	3,819,622,954	5%
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bestbuds	69,476,812	100%
trichomes	68,736,602	100%
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aekraj	1,956,461,919	5%
shimozurdo	991,341,906	6%
freesignup	68,923,299	100%
ragingboner	70,988,675	100%
h-hamilton	2,866,468,710	5%
empoderat	2,248,792,707	5%
supremebape	8,692,755,152	5%
kryptoking1	2,445,175,276	5%
poppie-schultz	142,710,342	10%
abh12345.neox	22,592,497	8.02%
dropthatcode	1,747,647,020	5%
zeasar	70,706,119	25%
steemer-sayu907	20,445,988,224	5%
ufmbot	25,564,902	0.45%
drlobes	974,219,553	6%
thesnaps	1,868,751,623	5%
coolcaptures	1,797,533,860	5%
oheyo	511,146,909	3%
ufm.pay	3,737,598,803	0.45%
ufm.reserve	0	0.9%
dappinvestor	4,784,870,294	5%
mk-pal-token	434,686,359	12%
kufresuwah	1,924,031,974	5%
deflacion	115,092,120	3%
arm27312	73,016,724	50%
tmps	2,132,725,055	0.8%
vmmouchas	3,507,534,251	100%
steem.consultant	1,462,401,728	2.4%
naej	927,924,725	5%
crimm	3,817,503,960	100%
askari.ccc	650,644,522	36%
joshmania	63,188,424,863	6%
writertales	1,012,758,471	12%
tonimontana.neo	0	0.97%
mowemu	687,602,231	1%
lusce	8,631,451,580	10%
steemlondon	546,209,373	3%
thexbttrader	15,955,211,204	5%
tewkenaire	852,158,491	5%
fearlessgu	758,766,667	12%
curpal	249,777,829	23%
yourtop3	14,687,834,444	4.8%
silence-speaks	2,453,275,942	5%
chibex	2,038,101,619	5%
hereforxwhile	0	4%
umair-appics	9,271,710,851	5%
reghunter	1,477,241,787	25%
toni.ccc	65,161,811	1.63%
jeffmackinnon	3,951,388,609	12%
vioeko	-9,059,305	-10%
toni.pal	0	2.61%
joy-only-joy	2,139,318,257	5%
photosnap	1,979,999,648	5%
lbebagz	542,159,837	5%
reksnek	1,895,877,706	5%
traveler-hwi	3,038,078,528	6%
readysou	13,046,508,857	100%
diligent	1,978,911,055	5%
indianarcadia	2,691,132,052	5%
platino94	1,199,542,705	5%
sandyo	2,052,870,237	5%
zeemal	3,916,779,780	5%
hameez	1,946,759,042	5%
novum	3,164,200,201	10%
theinkwell	12,345,587,980	100%

@theinkwell · Mar 21 '20 (edited)

Real interesting chiny.

Was I right in thinking that the main narrator was the person with some mental health issues, self harming and such? But she had to look after her aging mother? 

> Not that she liked living in the moment, but it was difficult to not wonder. She had always been a thorough person. There were also days she woke so hyper she couldn't control the energy. Those were the days she dreaded the most. It struck harder than ever when the episode passed.

This struck a chord with me as that's what I'm like, always have been. Swings of lows to highs, but after a while you learn a rhythm and strategies to make it your power rather than your crux. 

Lovely story, again very clearly putting us inside the narrators head 🙂

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@chinyerevivian · Mar 21 '20

Yes, that's correct. The narrator is the one with the problem. I almost didn't finish it. It was so hard to write. 
Thanks for the words, always.

👍 z8teyb289qav9z

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@z8teyb289qav9z · Mar 21 '20

https://i.imgur.com/CBqCEo5.png<br><br>HIVE IS ALIVE!!!<br><br>JOIN US, YOU'LL HAVE EXACTLY THE SAME BALANCE AS YOU HAVE HERE ON STEEM WITHOUT THE CENTRALIZATION AND CENSORSHIP!!<br><br>https://hive.blog<br>https://twitter.com/innerhhttps://i.imgur.com/kh1u0N4.gif<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><b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properties (22)

`post_id`	85,361,343
`author`	z8teyb289qav9z
`permlink`	z8teyb289qav9z-re-chinyerevivianq7kc93
`category`	hive-170798
`json_metadata`	{}
`created`	2020-03-21 22:48:00
`last_update`	2020-03-21 22:48:00
`depth`	3
`children`	0
`net_rshares`	0
`last_payout`	2020-03-28 22:48:00
`cashout_time`	1969-12-31 23:59:59
`total_payout_value`	0.000 SBD
`curator_payout_value`	0.000 SBD
`pending_payout_value`	0.000 SBD
`promoted`	0.000 SBD
`body_length`	15,779
`author_reputation`	107,701,616,629,820
`root_title`	"Giving Time, Time"
`beneficiaries`	`[]`
`max_accepted_payout`	1,000,000.000 SBD
`percent_steem_dollars`	10,000