There are certain things in life that may come across as *"painfully obvious"* to most people, and yet we often feel greatly challenged to incorporate them into our *functional reality.*

![0733-Bubble.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPh6Ui5YYGKV2FsUVYWijX8oFV4c9iHVjk7S3rxGbTCDZ/0733-Bubble.jpg)
*Living in your own bubble?*

## *This Thing Called "Success..."*

It seems very obvious that whenever we want to *do* something in life we want to have *success* with it. Of course, the deeper meaning of *"success"* can be a very individual thing... we each determine what it is we want an outcome to be, in order for us to consider it successful.

But these are still *surface concepts* in many ways.

How do we *really* approach things?

One of the things I have learned about myself this year — as a result of entering and spending a good bit of time in therapy — was a bit of a *"bitter pill"* to swallow: I am far better at *avoiding failure* than I am at *creating success.*

Many people *see* me as successful, but I am really *not...*

![0903-Rose.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbwXK8hkdDpVrcyjPiSmiPZaGbC6PkGYuq6mET73VBkW6/0903-Rose.jpg)
*Wild roses...*

## *Lessons from Positive Psychology...*

Some years back, I watched a televised lecture by Martin Seligman, considered to be one of the "fathers" of the Positive Psychology movement.

He made the crucial point that mental health care has come a *long* way, BUT...

We have become quite good at helping people who are depressed become *"not depressed."* But whereas that could be regarded as a success of sorts, we have done little to nothing to teach people *how to be HAPPY.*

This same wisdom can be applied directly to my own approach to starting projects and managing my life. I am quite "wise" in terms of knowing where all the potential problems, hazards and possible failure points are when I undertake a project — *particularly* in business — and many see me as a master of *"contingency planning."*

In spite of that, I really know little to nothing about actual *success.* As some motivational speakers might phrase it: *"You don't have a success mindset!"*

![0908-Irises.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXs2xJF1QroeBAfSSFqXJsnDLGqrGJ4NK25ieBF1k5Xzx/0908-Irises.jpg)
*Close-up of a purple iris*

## *Facing Our Uncomfortable Truths...*

The field of psychology likes to get into a lot of *"semantic hairsplitting,"* over what various terms *mean* and *imply* about someone's state of mind. 

When I started exploring these ideas, one notion that was brought before me was the question of whether I was actually *afraid of SUCCESS,* rather than *avoiding failure.*

Strange as it might sound, some people *do* sabotage their own process so as to avoid succeeding; perhaps because they don't like the *"limelight,"* or perhaps because they feel they don't *deserve* the trappings of success.

That has never *personally* been an issue, but it is one *surprisingly* many people wrestle with.

![0944-PurpleHeather.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUHVmEK3CjNEWKgQaRyJ5Hcha6BWpcdpxDBbizkM8Faxo/0944-PurpleHeather.jpg)
*Purple heather...*

## *Childhood and Our Relationships With Ourselves*

Whereas it can be tempting to play *"pass the buck"* and resort to *"blaming our parents"* for the outcomes of our lives... we shouldn't *completely* abandon the idea of authentically looking backwards and at least becoming *aware* of how our childhood lessons shaped and influenced the adults we have become.

A significant part of my *own* lessons — which I am now trying to re-program — revolved around a consistent message that *"there are no failures in our family!"* when I was little.

Nobody really ever talked about *success.*

Nobody ever really talked about the benefits of *being GOOD,* just the pitfalls of *being BAD.*

The overall *"narrative"* I was raised with centered not on *"seeking the POSITIVE"* (across all aspects of being alive) but on *"avoiding the NEGATIVE."*

Since that became the primary frame of reference I entered adulthood with, I enthusiastically set out in life to *avoid failing.* And — in some strange way — I would congratulate myself on having *"succeeded"* when I managed to *avoid disaster* even if I were by no means *doing well* at whatever I had undertaken.

I hadn't *"FAILED!"*

![0914-Boat.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmS1UWVmPDdtiqgZcquQydAUrGaeYSkzvDr61oPRetzrHf/0914-Boat.jpg)
*To where sails my ship?*

## *Playing to Win is Hard!*

At least it is, when you are not used to it.

Maybe this all sounds far-fetched and rather vague, but I assure you it's not!

Because it's all about *where we put our energy and attention.* Oddly enough, it was Mrs. Denmarkguy who first got me exploring this line of thinking, this past summer.

She noticed that I didn't seem to enjoy walking barefoot in the grass... and I confessed that I was too busy looking for bees that might sting my toes, or dog poop I might step in to actually be *enjoying* myself.

And that started this odd journey of exploration!

Of course this is a long and quite complicated subject; *MUCH* more than a blog post can hope to cover. But at least it might be something some readers here might relate to. 

Thanks for reading!

*(Another **#creativecoin** creative non-fiction post)*

***Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!***

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*(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for this platform.)
Created at 191229 19:53 PST*
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