The truth about relationships: Men vs women by ehiboss

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· @ehiboss · (edited)
$52.82
The truth about relationships: Men vs women
![love-3187624_960_720.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbK5h5P2YCwUMPktiqgsR9Z3wJ6y7wk7BKneB3Rug8Wse/love-3187624_960_720.jpg)
How did humanity ever descend to the level where men and women now create unthinkable rules before a love is successful? This is a write up to tell men and women to wake up and stop doing the blame game.

Love is a beautiful thing and I believe no one should give you the rules for being in love because what applies to A might not apply to B. We can only hope to learn from others not copy, or allow the dictate how you should live your life before you can successfully be happy. First thing, marriage is beautiful, but it is half the accomplishment.

I stumbled upon a post by a wonderful steemian trying to sensitize the ladies on what to do if they want their relationships to lead to marriage. The post like I said was wonderful, but here is the problem: the post was one sided. It made the ladies the victims and the guys the villains. I am really sick and tired of the guys always taking the fall for any mishap in a relationship. Sometimes, we should know that some ladies do not deserve the title of being called ladies, as do some guys too who do not deserve to be called men.

A real man will not mess around, but here is one thing you forgot: in a relationship, several factors come into play. Aside the earlier stated fact that a relationship is a personal experience and what works for you might not work for another person, there is also an undeniable fact that everyone tries to  make themselves look like the victim even if they are truly the victim or not.

Let me share a quick story of mine. I had a cheating ex who slept around and betrayed my trust at every twist and turn but always wanted my undying love. For a while, I gave my all, but at some point, I had to cut her loose before she would destroy my life totally. This is not a hearsay kind of story, I did not assume, she was caught red handed multiple times and on one occasion she simply said she had sex with the guy because he gave her a good time. Now when she tells her story, she will say I left her, but she won’t say what exactly she did. Can you blame the guy for leaving such?

Furthermore, there are countless guys in similar positions and I only brushed the surface of what really happened. If you think those guys are total beasts, remember that there are plenty stories to tell. I am tired of men being painted black by two kinds of ladies:
-	Those who give half the story
-	Those who sympathize with half the story

![love-3187623_960_720.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRzsq1kp6hyxHxy4kpZ3eL6L5mRJ3B6HciVukJbW6xG6V/love-3187623_960_720.jpg)
Any man who cheats on a lady is wicked and probably needs to have a hard reset but as for the innocent ones who are being tagged with others, I say it is unfair. There are also innocent women too who don’t deserve to be treated in an ill manner or tagged wrongly.

However, let us get to the bone of contention, what makes a relationship unique? The answer to this is quite simple, it is about two people who define what they want, when they want and how they want it and simply make it work. For starters, I always envision marriage whenever I am in a relationship, but here is the thing, the one thing that will make me consider quitting is when cheating becomes a constant. How does the normal rule apply to me.

I believe everyone has their imperfections and we should be able to decide what we can or can’t live with and as such define our own rules. The problem arises when we now feel like we should base our success on that of others. If Mr and Miss A look spick and span, they might be lacking something MR and Miss B are having

Sex is not a marriage determinant. If sex is all a man wants or marriage is the only reason why you want to do it, how do you then explain to all those people who have divorced about four times? That means they have gotten four tickets. Some people meet just one person, they have sex like minks and guess what? They still end up happily married. I know of a lot of people who had turbulent relationships and had sweet marriages because they simply got used to their angry traits and started laughing over it.

No one is perfect, not even me! However, I do not need someone to base my happiness on getting married like all of life’s problems will go away simply if I marry. Secondly, I do not need someone to make me a zombie who simply wants to model my love life after theirs. Let us assume we apply your principle and eventually marry, but somewhere along the line, you discovered your partner had been cheating all along, where does that leave us the copy cats?

Just as I know of ladies who have sex with their guys and end up marrying them (as far as fidelity is concerned), I know of those with the no sex until marriage principle and they have passed the age advised for stressfree childbirth. The truth is apply your sense and let your decision for whether or not to have sex for someone be personal and not withholding because you think you will lose if the person walks away. If you have that mindset, remember that divorce exits between married couples who have already had sex!

One more thing, women your value is not decided by your vagina, it is decided by your words, thoughts and deed. Don’t let instagram, twitter quotes and so called wise words on how a “perfect relationship” should be, ruin your life. People who write such relationships quotes are either misinformed, promoting an agenda or simply trying to score some points.  My partner and I are not perfect, however I see the good in her heart and I never want to stop trying.

![engagement-1718244_960_720.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXVPmkCZUvPKGQ7Eab7KHivq5rbgtbjzu6NAzsa79BGBx/engagement-1718244_960_720.jpg)
It is not the sex that will keep us going because when we eventually get old, the sex might go too, so why kill yourself over it? What keeps us is the bond we’ve built and not the rules you laid for me to follow.  I have weighed the good and bad, so far, the good far outweighs the bad. I know my flaws and I am willing to work on it.

Finally, people just prefer to live a life of convenience and simply blame others when things go south. That is wrong; learn to live a life where others can fit in as a man or woman. No matter your past experience, learn not to let it influence you negatively and simply see the good in whoever you are with. 
How many times myself and my partner choose to be intimate is our decision, if you advise people  not to have sex before marriage based on religious grounds, it is hear-able, however, if you say it is to keep the guy interested in you, then you have gotten it all wrong. A guy who wants you will love you more daily even if you have sex.

I will say it anywhere, there is no perfect relationship, perfection is a personal term, in my eyes, my partner is perfect despite her flaws and if all perfect relationships ended in marriage, how then does divorce enter into the picture?
Men generally are not the bad guys neither are all ladies, the actions of some should not be generalized. Don’t chase a bad boy and expect a smooth relationship.
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vote details (136)
@godswill ·
Your last paragraph summarized it all. Don't chase a bad guy and expect good and smooth relationship or the other way round.

I have been into one or two relationships but I notice the flaw of relationship or let me say the sign of bad relationship is always the starting point.

Why will a guy present her self as a play girl or vice versa and along the line you want the other party to be serious with you or in the beginning of a relationship one party always says yes to every request and along the line try to get a say when a relationship has been established the other way round .

It will only take understanding for this to be achieved.

I really learnt from this post. @ehiboss you gonna make a good husband.. Hope the ladies will agree with me.
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@nkereuwem ·
I salute you @ehiboss for sure a nice post. Be it as it may, rules or no rules, love will always happen. The Question is How ready are we?

SAY NO TO COPY/BLAME LOVE
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@tts ·
To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.
[![](https://s18.postimg.org/51o0kpijd/play200x46.png)](http://ec2-52-72-169-104.compute-1.amazonaws.com/ehiboss__the-truth-about-relationships-men-vs-women.mp3)
Brought to you by [@tts](https://steemit.com/tts/@tts/introduction). If you find it useful please consider upvote this reply.
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@korexe ·
In truths it's not be making rules that make our relationship work. 

For me it's the willingness to make it work that counts. The will to become a better person just for the sake of the relationship that counts
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@olawalium ·
God bless you so much for this brother. We mostly play the blame game most of the time. Many people automatically are ladies as being right, even after hearing explanation from the guy.

I have a friend in this too. The lady changed and gave the most ridiculous excuse ever. My friend discussed with some of his own friends and her friends, and all they could say was, my friend is faulty and I asked him to ask them why and How, they couldn't give any reason. One friend even said the lady sacrificed three years of her life (they dated three years), and I told him again to ask, how and why? Sacrificed what? What can she point to that this guy did? If he did anything, was she logical enough to give him a chance to change it at least, did she leave room for communication to at least let this guy know what he has been doing wrong?. Few days after she told me (because I asked her too what the guy did and all she could say was, I just need a break), she needed a break, she was seen with an engagement ring. 

I told him to tell those friends who accused him of causing what he didn't know to explain the logic behind that, all they could say again was that, this guy didn't fight for her. Whaaaaat?. Relationship is all about communication. If you wouldn't communicate your feeling to your partner, how do you expect him or her to make it right? 
All I could see here was, she only needed an excuse to leave my friend, and in this case, we are still looking for the excuse for her, because there was none...at least none that she spoke or communicated on, because this guy reached out, he called me to speak with her and I did, and he didn't fight for her?

Sorry this is getting too lengthy. Maybe I would convert it into a post. Hahahaha.
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@ebado ·
After months or years of swiping, you’ve finally found a person worth keeping around for awhile. While the early part of a new relationship can be a rush of fun and excitement, those first few weeks can also help determine whether the relationship moves forward or not and whether it will be healthy.
It isn’t the easiest thing in life to find love. Amazing partners don’t grow on trees. True love is magical and mythical and elusive, and few of us have experienced true love.

We all search for the state of euphoria that true love provides. We search high and low. We search far and wide.

The journey to true love is very hard. It’s filled with heartbreak, deceit and loss of both faith and hope. But one day, maybe, we will summit the peak of understanding. Love will hit us like an epiphany, and we will the best understanding how the world works.
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@layllah ·
$0.13
wow it's fantastic
👍  
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