The croissant imposter by galenkp

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· @galenkp ·
$1.47
The croissant imposter
I ate this today; It's a pastry pretending to be a croissant. But it wasn't a croissant despite the cafe pitching it as such. It was a miserable attempt to pass-off this pastry item as a croissant and I feel, post-eating, like I have been tricked.

A croissant is a buttery, flaky light pastry that originated in Austria, not France. It started from humble beginnings in the form of a *kipferl* around the 13th century and by the 17th variations started to pop up that were more similar to the croissant we know today. I'm not sure how the French latched onto it and I don't care, it's a legit pastry in savoury, or sweet, format and I like it's buttery, flakey, light legit-ness very much. 

https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/galenkp/tv9LWsc7-20190705_114142.jpg

Yesterday though I was hoodwinked by the cafe into eating an imposter. A rendition of the croissant that walked the walk but didn't talk the talk! Let me clarify. It was vegan. Yep, *mind blown*. What made me buy this *thing* considering it was vegan and quite obviously not legit? Well, the girl behind the counter told me it tasted the same - I trusted her.

I asked her what made it vegan and apparently it contained no butter. Yeah, a croissant with *no* butter. It was made with oil instead. (Might as well have been made with shit.) She assured me it tasted the same and so, *against my better judgement* I proceeded to buy, it with a coffee. 

It arrived and looked legit. That's where the similarity ended though. It didn't smell legit-croissanty. I poked it and no, it didn't react legit-croissanty. I could see the melted cheese inside and my mind screamed *nooooo...oooo...ooo* please don't be vegan cheese!...I still haven't confirmed the legit-ness of the cheese and to be honest am a little afraid to in case it was vegan. 

I ate some vegan *croissant-imposter*...Nope, this is *not* a legit-croissant! It didn't taste croissanty, the pastry didn't *behave* croissanty and my mind, and taste buds ejected its non-croissantyness with horror! OK, so it wasn't actually *bad* as such, just not what a croissant is supposed to be like...Ah fuck it, it *was* bad!

I'm not vegan (thankfully) and don't search out vegan food intentionally. Today's vegan-experience was a rare, and lamentable, event that I will go out of my way to avoid in the future. It's my fault, I'll own it; I was simply too lazy to walk the extra 20 metres to the next cafe where I would have found all manner of tasty croissants, real ones, not faux-croissants, pastries purporting to be croissants. I know now though. Vegan croissants = Bad...Walk the extra 20 metres.
*** 
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πŸ‘  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 25 others
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vote details (89)
@abh12345 ·
Walking the extra 20 metres has the added bonus of shredding that extra calorie that the non-vegan, better tasting croissant is likely to have. 

I'm surprised you fell for the old 'it tastes the same' line, from the lady standing to make a profit :D
πŸ‘  
πŸ‘Ž  
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vote details (2)
@galenkp ·
A moment of weakness (stupidity) @abh12355 and not my proudest moment. It's on the blockchain now though...I've kept a close watch on my vital signs for any hint that veganism has taken over...Fortunately it has not. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚

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@abh12345 ·
A lucky escape!
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@j85063 ·
O well sometimes you just have to try new things😁

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@galenkp ·
Yes, today's debacle will not be repeated though. πŸ₯΄

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@j85063 ·
You do learn from mistakes πŸ‘

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@newageinv ·
When I hear β€œtaste the same,” I think about what things they put in to try to achieve it which normally is worst.  I think we all need to realize that healthy options will always taste different as we get used to them.

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@galenkp ·
$0.41
I don't think eating something vegan is *any healthier* than the alternatives at all. It just hasn't come from an animal product. If I was starving and had no option I may eat a vegan croissant-imitation-pastry again, however I'll never do so willingly. Normally if something has *vegan* in front of it I'll avoid it...Today I erred, however have learned a valuable lesson which is, vegans are happy to eat food that taste's like shit and delude themselves it tastes just like the real thing.
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@anggreklestari ·
$0.39
Hello, @galenkp

If you like to writing about restaurant review, we invite you to using @Tasteem Dapp. 

#how-about-tasteem

FEEL FREE TO JOIN TASTEEM DISCORD CHANNEL: https://discord.gg/SZvH5bA

Regards, 
[Tasteem Supporter]
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vote details (3)
@mattclarke ·
$0.40
I remember taking French in High School, and my teacher asked if I knew the etymology of the word, "Croissant". 
I guessed "Ce Rois Sante", "The King's Health".
Turns out it's just "Crescent".
Also I overthink things. 
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@galenkp ·
Haha, classic! What wasn't *classic* was the vegan imposter I ate today...
πŸ‘  
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@goat-girlz ·
That's rough, man! I had to quit eating gluten twelve years ago and I have eaten a lot of gross imitations. If I had to give up dairy I might actually die! Everything is better with butter in it! And apparently gluten!
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@galenkp ·
Ah yes, I feel sorry for coeliac's because everything is better with gluten. To be honest that croissant-imposter wasn't all that bad, it just wasn't the real thing and I'll never choose to have another vegan one. I'd rather Leonard eats them...That scallywag will eat anything! 😁

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@goat-girlz ·
I'm sure Leonard would be happy to eat a vegan croissant! I will pass!

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@eveuncovered ·
There is no substitute for butter. Let me say that again: THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR BUTTER!! There are things that can be used instead of butter, but they will yield different textures and tastes, far inferior. I'm mad at your fake-croissant, only just by looking it and knowing it's vegan.
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@galenkp ·
That asshole croissant-imposter! I hate myself for consuming it but at least now I can broadcast the terrible sin that is vegan-croissant-impersonstion to the masses and warn them against it! 

#butterisbetter #bloodyvegans

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@organduo · (edited)
Today I too was tricked into eating mini croossant at the gas station. It tasted fine before a 3 hour drive, haha!
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@galenkp ·
$0.02
Croissants everywhere huh? If I was starving mine might have tasted better to me...But I wasn't and so it was average. 🀨

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vote details (1)
@lordvdr ·
I've heard the "it tastes the same" line before. Sometimes they are correct-ish. Often, not so much. Glad you survived your encounter with the sub-par croissant-adjacent-thing.
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@galenkp ·
Survived and learned a valuable lesson.
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@steem-ua ·
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Your **UA** account score is currently 4.424 which ranks you at **#2130** across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has improved 25 places in the last three days (old rank 2155).

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@ginnyannette ·
Oh what a sad day. A croissant should not be defiled with oil. As a croissant connoisseur myself, I will be on guard of the trendy coffee shops. Who knows what is lurking in their pastry case. 

Here in the US, it seems that most vegan things remove dairy and replace it with soy, which I find to be a very low quality food any way you slice it. Soy sauce is the only thing with the word "soy" in it that is worthy of going in my mouth.  

Funny you should write about a vegan thing, because yesterday I was looking at my chickens joyfully clucking about my backyard. I thought on their unfertilized eggs and wondered how it could be inhumane to eat eggs from happy chickens. They lay them regardless, and when they lay them it sounds a bit like physical exertion, but not pain. It is just their work. Everybody has to do work. And lucky them, it seems to only take about twenty minutes every other day. 

Oh my, look at that, I've written you a book.

The End.
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@galenkp ·
I feared permanent damage to my personage however that evil imposter, the dastardly croissant-charlatan has, most fortuitously, not caused me any such ailment other than some emotional discomfort about having consumed a bad pastry. I celebrated with bacon and eggs for breakfast this morning. 

Soy sauce is the epitome of legitness when it comes to Chinese food and it is a most righteous sauce. Soy in coffee is a travesty as is soy masquerading as bacon in that most heinous vegan product called *facon*. Yeah, I know right? Anyway, I survived and am little the worse for it. 

Eggs are legit. I mean vegans go on about it not being fair on the chicken but I'm yet to meet a vegan who *was* a chicken and therefore could have a valid and relevant say in the matter. If I met a vegan who was a chicken though I'd probably just stick a stake through them and charcoal them up and eat them on a bun with some slaw.

Posted using [Partiko Android](https://partiko.app/referral/galenkp)
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@ginnyannette ·
So many Lol's :) That charcoaled up chicken sounds delicious. And facon? Shocking.  

I find it interesting that despite the story book of The Little Red Hen, which depicts these birds as lovely vegetarians, these little dinosaurs will eat anything you put in front of them. And they will enjoy it too :) 
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