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My cousin Karen is 23 and I’m in my 40s. 

She lives in Minnesota and I live in Chicago.
 
Because we only see each other once a year at a week-long family reunion, we honestly aren’t very close. We do enjoy playing cards together every year. This summer, during a game of Euchre, she brought up her upcoming destination wedding in Yellowstone National Park. Like a lot of the crazy kids these days, she wasn't planning on a traditional wedding. 

This immediately peaked my interest.
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My wife and I, who have been very happily married for 17 years, had a traditional Greek wedding (she’s Greek I’m the infidel). If I were able to do it over again, we would have put more of a personal spin on our wedding. 

But what did we know? 

Hopefully you only have one wedding in your life, so there is no way to know what you really want until it’s over. It’s not like I had a cousin in his 40’s to give me advice. But Karen does, so I offered her some. I told her what I wish someone had told me. I became very serious, pointed my finger at her like an old schoolmarm and said, “It is your day. You are the star. You do whatever will make you and your husband happy. Don’t worry about other people.”  

We continued to talk about her unique plans. She would be married in Yellowstone Park and have a small party afterwards. I was very excited to hear the details of her simple yet wonderful plans. Actually I was really just excited to see her so enthusiastic (she’s a great kid). She described her dress, her shoes, and how she’d wear her hair. I’m not much of a dress, shoes, or hair guy… but I smiled and listened intently. Next, Karen talked about who she invited and who would perform the ceremony. Finally, my cousin beamed as she spoke of how a friend, who happens to be a professional piano player, would play at the ceremony and then play one song at the party (she’s not big into dancing). Beautiful!

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Wait! One song?! Forget everything I said about only pleasing yourself (or at least reassess what really pleases you). You see, if there were only one dance, she would not have an opportunity to dance with her father!

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I’ll let you in on a secret that I learned nine years, one month and twenty-two days ago on the day my daughter was born. The father daughter dance is the Super Bowl of every father’s life. I’ve never won a Super Bowl (yet!) but I do know if a Genie appeared and said I had to choose between dancing with my daughter on her wedding day and winning the Super Bowl, I’d take the dance. 

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But I’ve seen a movie or two. I’ve read The Monkey’s Paw. So I’d set up some tight parameters for this wish (Genie’s are notoriously tricky). I’d choose dancing with my daughter on the day she marries the love of her life. This amazing person would always treat her right. My daughter and this wonderful, kind, caring and extremely lucky person would live happily ever after for a very, very long time. After all,iIt would be really dumb to give up the Super Bowl for a short, terrible marriage. 

But I digress. Back to the advice.
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I explained to Karen how dads feel. Moms are the real star of the family. And that is cool.
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 As I have written before, I’m a good dad… but a below average mom. If you need evidence of this stardom, just look at mothers’ and fathers’ day. On one of the holidays, the person of honor is showered with thoughtful gifts and treated to a delicious brunch.  On the other, the “star” gets to stand in the heat and barbecue for the rest of the family before he opens the proverbially tie or two. 

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During MVP speeches and Hall of Fame induction ceremonies, moms always take center stage.  (Please check out Kevin Durant’s… if you want to cry). 

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But the Father Daughter Dance, that is special. And it’s just for the two of you.
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 I told Karen how I have been dreaming of this dance since the day I first saw my daughter MJ. 

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I shared with Karen how my kids are the most important things in the world to me. We both know that her dad feels the same way about her. I’d do ANYTHING to ensure that my kids will be happy. I don’t mean fleeting, in-the-moment happiness (the kind you get from your dad not being able to say “No” when you are in the toy aisle… because he secretly wants to play with all of the toys). I mean lifelong happiness. The kind of happiness that requires some tough work by parents in order to cultivate it. The happiness that only comes after many years of your Mom and Dad saying “No, eat your vegetables, practice your musical instrument, review your times tables, rewrite that essay, don’t give up on your Lego just because you accidentally smashed ¾ of your work, be nice to your sister, learn from these pop culture role models, exercise, put on your seatbelt, don’t be afraid to be creative, have good manners…”

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Being a parent can really suck, but the payoffs are huge.
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 Heck my wife and I were in awe for a week after my daughter’s first smile. 

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A daughter’s wedding day should be one of the biggest payoffs. The father daughter dance is the  ultimate highlight for the dad. It should be pure happiness. Pure happiness driven by the fact that you know you have taught your daughter well. You have taught her to speak her mind, to stand up for what she thinks is right, to be loving, unselfish, hardworking, creative and honest. You have taught her to be a good judge of character so you trust that she is headed for a happy life accompanied by a person who will treat her as well as she deserves to be treated. And you get to say goodbye to your little girl with one dance. 

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Yes this is traditional, corny and old school.
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 However, "traditional" doesn't automatically mean  "passé". Some things, like the father daughter dance, are traditions for a reason. Karen could still put her unique spin on it. She could pick a fun song, come up with a funny routine or just keep it low key and natural. Who cares? It’s her day. By the way, if my daughter asked me what we should dance to, I’d pick “Firework” by Katy Perry… because my daughter is a Firework. The brightest and most spectacular ever. (Don’t worry she wouldn’t have wear the firework spewing bra… but maybe I would.)  

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This advice was for Karen who has a wonderful dad.
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However, I know, not everyone has a dad.  Furthermore, not every father has earned this moment. If Karen were in this position, my advice to her would be to find someone who does deserve this honor. She could pick someone in her life who deserves to win the Super Bowl. Maybe she could choose her grandfather, uncle, friend, or cousin… perhaps even her mother. Hopefully everyone has at least one person in her life that merits this honor.

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Karen’s wedding day is her own. She and her future husband get to call all of the shots. If she has decided on some sort of Footloose-like ban on dancing, that is her business.

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But I did give Karen one last piece of advice. I recommended that before she makes any final decisions, she should ask herself, “Do I want to give someone I love a feeling greater than winning the Super Bowl?”

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She did… and my uncle Mike was the second happiest man on earth that day.
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