Every time when I think of my late American husband's miserable life, I feel very angry.
All his tragedy is because he was too perfect, too handsome.
Such a handsome man always desires to be loved by many people deeply. Pitifully he was a male, instead of female. Woman can earn money with her body, because woman's biggest weapon and tool is to give birth to the new life.
How can a man's body also desire to be loved like a beautiful woman?
When my late American husband became poor, his ex-wife abandoned him ruthlessly. So
his life withered quickly due to lack of being loved.
he became ill and obese. People nearly can't realise that he was once so handsome.
However, once he got love again, he became another person immediately. God knows how he looked so radiant!
It's the first time that I feel very self-abased before a man! oh, I'm so humble and low, I don't deserve him, I think painfully. That man before me changed completely, he wasn't that weak person when I saw him at the first time any more. I even feel that maybe he didn't love me, he came to China only for getting that teaching job.
When I showed his photo taken in China to a webfriend, he couldn't help exclaimed: your late husband was really very handsome!
Until recently, about 2 years after he passed, I read his chatting record with another Chinese from Wechat in his mobile phone, I finally understand how he loved me deeply. We're really the same people of same character!
I know that it's impossible for me to love another man like I love/cherish him this life.
I also know that it's impossible for another man to love/cherish me like he loved me this life.
Looking back on his life, he was "loved" by many women. but who is that woman who loves him with all her life and soul? It's me!
he also rewarded my love with his own life!
He passed away suddenly in China! he could never return to his own country-US alive forever!
Many times I "hate" his foolishness. Who taught him to be so stubborn? I let him go back to US at that time, he insisted in returning to US with me together. Pitifully at that time I got the wrong information on how to apply for American visa. Or you can say I was cheated!
Even if he had passed, I still have no chance to set foot on American soil!
I don't know where this man came from! I don't know how he came to a completely strange country-China lonely!
Only God knows how hard it is for common Chinese to get American visa!
For Chinese, American green card costs 500,000 dollar, maybe higher now.
It's really a crazy world!
When you grasp a chance, you can be wealthy and successful immediately. When you lose a chance, your life can be poor and miserable at a stroke, too.!
Below is a group photo of my late American husband with his Chinese student being taken in a Chinese public school. You can know how handsome he was! too handsome!