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Today we are going to be talking about our children. Children are gifts to parents, the family and the world at large. No parent would want to be childless. Infact here in Nigeria where am I from, if after some months turned into year(s) a couple are yet to conceive after wedding, family members will start getting quizzy. 


Then the  family members especially husband's will start coming personally to know if there is anything wrong and to ask why they have not conceived yet. Well some of you will ask the usual question," are they the ones that gives children?" Trust in most cases that is what the couple ask too.


Children and some other investments , you will agree with me are what makes a marriage fruitful. Therefore, every parent will want their children to get the best in life and don't mind going extra miles... yeah, trust me parents are awesome.


Hence child that has parents that care and take full responsibility of their welfare should be happy and make sure to reciprocate that love every day of their lives. A good child is the parents pride, their jewel, great investment. Such child is usually a show-off especially by the father. You hear words like, " yes that's my son/daughter, like father like son/daughter." At every slightest  opportunity he gets he tell his friends, "John this is my son, he is a very good boy ." These and more are the recognition a good child gets and most of all the parents love which is what every child deserves.

There is a popular saying that goes thus: *if a child is good he is truly the father's child, but if bad is the mother's.*

" woman where did you get this child from? This can't be my child!" or "woman it's time you caution this child of yours, he is turning into something else!" He would roar in a loud voice and storm out of the house. That is a typical reaction of African parents especially the fathers when their children are behaving badly while the mother if not too strong burst out in tears. No child should make his mother sad or weep.

## To whom much is given...
In a family where love, attention or favours are given based on parents preference is one that ends up in disaster  most of the time. This act is one that leaves children in a conflict sense of judgement. Some of these mistakes parents make when raising children are: 
- much is given to the male than female child because it js believed he  will end up as the head of the family later in life.
- girls are not given as much quality education as the boys because it is also believed they would get married and belong somewhere else.
- A child if seem brighter in the early stage of childhood is given all the attention.
- parents choose who would go to the highest paid institutions out of favouritism. 

*We shall be treating the aforementioned, discussing the good, bad and the ugly.*

Looking at it from this particular perspective. In Africa especially in Nigeria, the male child is the pride of a home. Once the wife gives the man a male child it is always a great ceremony because it is presumed he is  the one that will take over from the father .  With this, if a wife has not conceived a son yet, she is overly disturbed emotionally, physically, psychologically and other wise. There are pressure from left, right and centre. To the extent that the husband is always advised by family members to get another wife that would give him a "son".

Well it is true that the man is the head of the family and so sometimes when things like this starts happening, families are not to blame because that is their belief. Hence even if there are twenty girls without a son in the family, the family is still childless. Hahaha... Well am glad girl children are making waves now too!

When eventually  comes a son, through constant prayers, visiting family doctors and maybe other means natural or artificial the son comes like a miracle, he is given a name that means he came at the right time. Either to wipe the tears from the mother, to remove shame and retain wealth and other amazing and meaningful name based on the family state during the arrival of the son of the family. It is usually great joy for the father and the mother most especially. 

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Judging from this, it is clear how such child would be treated and cared for. Obviously, so many will be sacrificed for his care, growth, wellbeing and development in preparation for the task ahead.

The mistake on the part of the parent is that they make this really obvious that the other children begins to feel less important in the family. The female children will not be given much attention simply because they will be married someday. Education is rationed, favoratism enters, and other forms of attitude that might lead to confusion and some unfavourable feelings among siblings.

This forms of actions by some parents are quite toxic and sometimes they are unaware of their actions. They do not feel it, because to them it is a normal way to raise a family. I stand today to say to you that is it a gradual way of tearing your empire down!

## you do not know what every child would end up as.

Am sure if we are given the opportunity to see what any child coming into the world would become, then certain things and notion would be changed.

> A woman am quite close to once told me how her father told her point out that he won't spare sending two girls to school. He spent his money on the first son and daughter, trained them at every level of education. 

> The son grew into a wealthy man and the first  daughter a doctor. The second daughter struggled to go to school, begged the first daughter to get her to the university and she was kind to help. She came out and became a nurse. 

> Later in life, their father became really ill but the son never came visiting, he is a business man and is always out on business trips. The doctor calls to know how he is doing. Refers him to other good doctors and comes once in a while go check him. The nurse has never left her father's side since the day he took ill.


Why did I bring up that little story? It is not lie that what ever parents do for their children they also hope that someday in their lives when their bones are not strong anymore that their children especially the most preferred ones will be there to reciprocate that love in higher measures. Moreso, that at the end of the day, they want to enjoy the same care and attention that they deserve as parents. But who knows how things might turn at the end of the day?... no one for sure.


## My note to parents 

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How do you know what a child will be during childhood? Probably from his behaviour and way of life. If such child is promising, as parents you do well to make those potentials shine... that is always outstanding coming from all parents. But what do you do if not all of the kids are getting to your expectations for them. What happens, how are they treated ? Are they written off, made to bear the burdens of not being the golden boy or girl alone? 

However; parents are mostly frustrated especially when a child is not meeting up  in academic and other activities, hence they feel  justified for preferring to spend more of their time and attention on the ones that rather show great potentials in the area of their expectations. This put parent in a fix sometimes but still it does not change their love for each one of their child(ren). 

When these worries of children not meeting up crops up, at that point some parents in a way tend to forget that a child is not totally bad in every area. For instance, a child good in maths might not be in English but this does not mean that child is not good. Another one is in the issue of parents choosing their own desired profession for their child (ren). This is one thing that over the years have caused a lot of commotion. When a child decides he will not follow his parents dreams for him, this puts parents off and they feel that child would never succeed in anything. Such child is not supported to follow his dreams and explore and at such written off. It is a pity, those that might likely tell this stories well are people that ended up following their dreams as successful  actors, artistes, musicians, footballers to mention but a few.

At the end of the day, children are left in their big dreams and if not strong enough might not be able to live it but end up with that of their  parents. My humble question is this, are your children supposed to live your dreams or theirs? 


## conclusion 

Every child is born with a unque gift and each in their gifts and talent differs from the other. No one is gifted in the same way as the other. This is unique about everyone. 

Parental love has no rival as they would do anything to build their children in a way that they feel is right and best for their children. They love their children and would go 
Through miles, cross any river, climb mountains to see that their children is good and live a better life. In as much as there are stages in a child's life that he would choose to exhibit some traits that might at some point discourage their parents. 

However, I want to implore that parents should be patient with their  children. Guarding and building them in the right way possible. Helping them realise their potentials and making them see reasons why they should live a good life.

Some children are slow to pick up like others and sometimes it takes a long time for them to grasp certain things about life in general. Such children should not be scored out just yet. They should be followed up with perseverance and encouragement. They should never be compared to anyone not even with their siblings because no one is made the same way. 

Children are quick to know who is favoured most in the family, this might put them off and withdrawn; that when they have serious problems the family would be the last place to share it. This makes children join friends that will teach them what they are not supposed to know or get engaged in. It pushes them out leaving them vulnerable to the harsh claws of bad habits. This should be avoided for the sake of the child's healthy and proper development. 


> Am good with handiworks but I can't fit-in in class 😐😢

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Trust me  sometimes this bothers children  when they don't measure up in school even more than you think as parents. It's amazing how some children are so good with arts, techs but lag behind in the class room. What do you do? It's very clear that such child has great potentials. Do not because you want them to be in suits and ties or lab coats push them aside. 

Encourage them and make them understand the essence if paying proper attention in the class at the same time applauding them when they do well and show you things that they made or designed. Pay attention at their tender age to see what interests them. This is how you know what to do if they are not doing so well in a normal classroom, then you can consider other options like the  [Montessori school](https://www.creativemontessori.com/montessori-education) where children are taught more based on their own area of interests and gifts.

Shout out to all parents out there and on the blockchain who sacrifice so much for the good of their children.  Thank you for being a pillar of support to every child of the world. Love all your children equally, no favouritism. 

*I dedicate this to all children world and to Emmanuel my little brother whom I stay with. I know its a gradual process and I will support you to press on with changes and help you get to your dreams. To all children who are still slow at picking up and still struggling to meet up. It is a gradual process too, never give up. Live your dreams and make your parents proud of you. Be the best you can be for a better world. Remember that you are greatly loved by your parents, family, friends and the world at large.*

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###### Remember to be good children!

## Reference : 
[1](https://www.creativemontessori.com/montessori-education).

## Image credit: PIXABAY AND GOOGLE.

*Thank you for reading, stay awesome.*