<center>![class2.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmd1EHgPEW2S768bFC7XVKFdeNWNLp8aWrnTPUCVcfLQBe/class2.png)</center>

---

<center><h2>14 People Skipped Classes Today.</h2></center>

I have previously talked about how much I want to study, my struggles to get there, how it affects me on a personal level and my goals. I've have also openly shared my feelings and that I've started to lose motivation and hope for various reasons. I have talked about my student loans and that I won't be eligible new loans in 2019... What I haven't done, is to share what happens **in** School. I figured that I'd do that with you today.

First of all, I don't even know how many students we are in total. We were a total of 32 or 33 people when I started in March. A handful of people quit during the first and/or second week. People often stays at home for various reason. Some people have sick kids, are sick or doesn't feel like going to School for other reasons. I have been in School even when I've had fever, so I don't know if that tells you more about me or them. No matter how much I've struggled with my anxiety or panic attacks... No matter how much I've wanted to stay at home instead of going... I've been there as often as I possibly can. I **want** to succeed.

I was late today. I was 19 minutes late and I was embarrassed and felt ashamed. I hate coming in late to class, I hate knocking on the door before walking to my seat, as all eyes is on me, and I've never felt comfortable with that. Some people comes late everyday and they seem to be fine with it, but I personally hate it.

Anyhow, I walked to my desk, sat down and grabbed all my books, my pencils, erasers, notebooks and computer. I had been there for about 2-3 minutes before I realized that people were missing. I'm not entirely sure, but I counted to 4 people. Well, 5, but one of my classmates have just recently recieved bad news, so she'll most likely quit School for personal reasons. She might come back in January again. I really hope she'll be back, because I truly like her.

Many of the others in class are dead weight, and I'm tired of being the one doing all the work. It happens every time I'm not working with Maria, so I really need to have her in class. She inspires me, guides me and she gives me strenght just by being there, and we're not even close friends or anything. I just genuinely like her as a person, and I wish her the best in life.

Class started at 09.45 and I was 19 minutes late. I was there at 10.04.

- **Medicine 1.**

It's really cool, but at the same time, extremely difficult. We're learning literally everything about the body. We learn the names of all our organs, both the Swedish and the Latin words, how they function and why we need them. We're learning everything from toe to head. Insideout. Blood pressure, blood types, aorta, heart. Everything. How and why our lungs work, what happens with the oxygen. You name it. We're going through everything in these classes.

So, it's easy to say that it's important to take notes, and most of all, it's important to be there. 4 people were missing today, if we don't count Maria.

We had a 20 minute long break at 11.15. When we came back at 11.35, 2 more people we're missing. Not the end of the world. I mean, people have their own reasons for being there or not. Things happen. It's nature.

25 minutes later, at 12.00, we had lunch break. I usually don't eat anything, because most people are going to a lunch restaurant and I can't really afford to eat out on a daily basis. Our next class started at 13.00.

After the break, when I got back in to class, I was practically alone. I was a few minutes early so I waited for the others. My teacher came, the person who sits next to me, and the person who sits in front of me. They showed up.

I sit in the corner, all the way to the right. Next to the window with my back close to the wall. I don't really know why I'm doing that, but it feels "safe" or something. As I suffer from mental illness and as I've had problems with being around people previously, in episodes, I guess it's some sort of "defense mechanism".

My other classmates came in, one after another... 13.09 came another person from class. 9 minutes late after the lunch break. Oh well, not my problem.

It was easy to see that more people than ever before was missing. I didn't even have to look around to see everyone in class this time. Peripheral vision was on point. 1 person next to me, on my left side. 1 more one desk in front of me. All the way on the other side of the room, two more people, close to the door. Then, there were 2 more people in the center of the room. Right in front of my teacher. - ***That was all of them.***

Classes should've ended at 15.45, but we finished early. Our teacher saw no point in having any lectures this day, as we were such a small group of people. We left early, at 14.15 instead.

Today was worse than other days, but this is basically how it looks every single day in School... The few things we did, is something I will have to tell my classmates later, because my teacher counts on me. She relies on me. She is practically using me as a sub-teacher, without salary.

And... Even with all of this knowledge and facts, I am **still** the one who'll **not** be eligible new student loans in 2019... Meanwhile the other people in class can stay at home and still get theirs.

- ***Talk about a f#cked up system***.