I opened my eyes, but it felt so heavy. Maybe because I'm still sleepy. Yeah, last night I came home too late because Anthony took me to his house to introduce to his parents. I want to close my eyes for a little longer. But this is Monday, I have to go to school. I immediately moved from my room and immediately went to the bathroom. After finished showering me to the dining table. Papa and my Mama are waiting for me there. I quickly finished my breakfast and left for school immediately. After my breakfast was gone, I said goodbye to my parents by kissing their hands. Then I immediately walked out of the house, and Anthony had picked me up. She is a good lover. He's always there for me.
When I got to school I saw several pairs of eyes staring at me with displeased eyes as I walked with Anthony. Yes, they are Donna and her friends. They do not like me to get in touch with Anthony. Donna is Anthony's former lover, after they broke up I became Anthony's lover.
"No, do not mind them," Anthony said amusing me.
The break bell rang. I walked to the cafeteria with Gita, my best friend. We sat and talked and talked to each other. That's when I heard someone call me.
"Indigo," he said.
I turned to the sound. It was Adam. He is the son's basketball captain at my school. I can guess why he called me. It must be an order from Pak Joko, the gym teacher at my school.
"What is it, Dam?" I asked her.
"Mr. Joko called you tuh."
"Alah, definitely a basketball problem. You go first deh I'll follow. "I say indifferent to him.

After a satisfied meal in the cafeteria. I immediately met Mr. Joko. I walked to the teachers' room. But in the middle of the road Adam stopped me. He said that Mr. Joko is not there. He has business. And his message to me is to practice basketball with the men's basketball team because soon there is a tournament. I am the captain of the bakset princess team at my school.
That afternoon I had a basketball practice with his team Adam, but on the other hand Anthony took me for a walk. I'm confused to put priority first. Because both are important. Finally I decided to practice basketball. But Anthony got mad at me. I practiced basketball halfheartedly. I can not calm down because Anthony is angry with me. So I often make mistakes during practice that afternoon. Adam, who had been watching me exercise soon came up to me and grabbed my basketball from me.
"Nila, if your practice continues like this, I'm sure you will lose in the tournament later. In vain I train you almost every afternoon, spare some of my time just to train you. But you do not exercise seriously. "He said in a very loud tone.
"I'm cape, Dam. You're good to live this screaming shout. This comment comments it. I'm the cape. "I say.
"Sorry, I did not mean that. I just want you to be a good princess basketball captain and can win the tournament. "He said with a smile and gave me a basketball.
Then I rehearsed. I tried to focus, but could not. My mind stayed filled with my guilt at Anthony. When I want to do shooting, I jump and land in the wrong position. I fell and my leg hurt. Adam went straight to me and helped me up and walked to the edge of the field. He then treated my wound.
"Forgive me. Maybe I'm pushing you too hard, "he said, continuing to heal my wounds.
"It's okay. Just a small wound. But let me do the exercise first today? "I asked while showing the expression of pain.
"Yeah, nothing. You go home alone? I inter-ya? "He said as he helped me up.
I did not answer and just nodded.
That afternoon I came home from school with Anthony. He took me to his house. He said his mom wanted to invite me to make a cake together. I'm familiar with Anthony's family. Especially with Anthony's sister who is in junior high school. Her name is Jessica. She often talks to me and asks for lessons she does not understand. When I got there I was greeted by his Mother Anthony. This young mother seemed very happy to see me coming with her son. Then we immediately went to the kitchen and immediately made a cake.
"Ma, Anthony wants to practice the band first. Next week there is a band festival. And Anthony's band came along. "Anthony said to us with a guitar on his back.
"Loh Nila go home how?" Ask Mama Anthony.
"Oh, I can take a taxi Tante. It is okay. Let Anthony work on it. "I say as I glance at and smile at Anthony.
"Really you're okay, Nile? Sorry if I have to stay. "Anthony said with a smile back.
Then Anthony left. Mother Anthony and I continue to make cookies. Occasionally Mama Anthony tells of a very spoiled little Anthony. Even now his attitude sometimes goes out.
"You really love Anthony right?" Tante Lin asked, Mama Anthony
"Yes Auntie. Anthony was behind his ignorant attitude but when he was alone he sometimes showed his stupid attitude. Sometimes I'm sad or why is he showing me that silly attitude to me, tan? "I say, laughing at the thought of Anthony's ridiculous behavior.
"He's like that. Sometimes Auntie also likes to be entertained with her stupid attitude. Even if the school looks cool. But he is a nice person "said Aunt Lin.
While engrossed in conversation, suddenly the phone rang. Aunt Lin immediately went to the desk where the phone was located. After picking up the phone I heard Tante Lin screaming. I hurried over. Tante Lin said that Anthony was an accident and now at the hospital.
Arriving at the hospital, the doctor said that Anthony's condition is very severe. She bleeds in the brain from a violent collision. Only Mama Antony can enter. I just look from the outside through the glass. I never expected, the man I had always loved and always comforted me when I was sad now lay weak in a room full of medical devices. Her eyes were only closed. Even very very close. There was no movement from him.
I decided to go home. I walk like a man with no purpose in whose heart there is only despair everywhere. I ignore the bustle of the road that I passed. I do not hear the sound of the clack sound that I do not hear. I just want to hear Anthony's voice, "You do not feel sad. I'm always there for you "That's the only sentence I want to hear. I unknowingly walked across the street. I did not know there was a car ready to hit me. I'm resigned to immobile because it's too late to save myself. I felt nothing else.
I feel the weight to open my eyes. But I tried it a few times. Until finally I can open my eyes. But what I see is just dark everywhere. I heard my voice calling me but I could not see the figure. Am I blind? Oh no. Impossible. I know I'm just a dream. But this is a reality. Not. It's not like reality. But this is a reality. I'm blind and I can not move my legs. That means I am blind and paralyzed.

This is how many days after I learned that I was blind and paralyzed. Because I can not feel day or night. Next to me is Gita who read me a novel by Tere Liye.
"What time is it Gita?" I asked Gita in a low voice.
"It's three o'clock in the afternoon. Sunday is March 30th. Still with the same year. It's the third day after you realize. "Gita said with my hand tightly.
I lean my head against Gita's shoulder. I feel his hand stroking my head. I smile back.
"Oh yeah Git. Anthony already aware? I miss the sound of her voice. "I asked.
"Er, em. Anthony's got no Nile "Gita said in a dashed voice.
I'm shocked to hear it. After I accepted the situation that I was blind and paralyzed now I had to accept that Anthony was dead. I feel I am the most unfortunate human being at the moment. I feel dead.
After I calmed down a bit, Gita drove me to Anthony's grave. Gita pushed my wheelchair. Then help me down when I got to Anthony's grave. I fell on the mound of dirt. I felt the ground, felt still wet. I try to find something that I can hold. My hand touches Anthony's photo. I wiped it away. I can only cry and can not say anything. After a while, I took Gita back to the hospital where I was being treated.
That day I asked my driver to take me to the place I usually come with Anthony. It is a place with big trees and cliffs that are not how high. Then I think back to all the times I was with Anthony in that place. I called Anthony's name as loudly as I could in that place.
"If you do not ikhlasin him, the road will wind up there," said someone.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Adam. Men's basketball captain in high school. Anthony will be sad if you nangisin him continue. The road will be hampered because he feels the weight of your ninggalin, "said Adam. I felt her voice approaching.
"You do not know anything. Why did not God take me when I was hit by a car a few days ago? Let me get together with Anthony. I can not, I can not, "
"God does not want you to face up with your sinful circumstances. God wants you to fix yourself first before God calls you and will unite you with Anthony in heaven. You must use your time to do useful things. Not regretting and blaming God's destiny. God has a way for His servant. A way that may be far more beautiful than you ever imagined. "Adam said.
Adam's words made me feel a little conscious and gave rise to the desire in my heart to rise and improve. My heart became much more calm by the words of Adam. The words of encouragement for me to rise up and walk back through my long journey. He can also make me smile again. This is my first smile after I learned that Anthony was gone. After satisfied chatting, Adam drove me home by taxi. I know Adam is a child. He has a luxury car. But he never used his car to school. He's a very simple man, kind, and also friendly.
After that day, I was closer to Adam. He often came to my house just to help me with lunch and read stories to me. He also faithfully hears my vent and my complaints. Not infrequently he told me an inspirational story when I was almost desperate. Almost every day Adam to my house. He told me about the school situation, because I had quit school. He told me funny things in school to make me laugh. He is a good storyteller.
"Do you remember Donna? He had a fight with Cindy. Funny deh. Jambakan-sage so. Hahaha .. "he said with a laugh.
"Loh Cindy is not a gang with Donna? How can you fight? "I asked with a frown.
"Hahaha, yes. The problem is trivial. Cindy accidentally ninjjek new shoes Donna. Uh, finally fighting. Both of them continue to be sentenced to honor in front of the flagpole until the hours of school. Many students are not wasting the opportunity to drop their reputation. Many students capture the moment with images. Then I had time to open instagram, lots of photos of them. Hahaha "he said.
I know today is my 18th birthday. I know because Papa and Mama had said it to me and last night Adam called me and said it to me. Adam was the first to congratulate me on my birthday this time. The previous years that always became the first person is Anthony.
That morning I went back to where I used to spend time with Anthony. I just stay there. There was no view that impressed me. Because all I see is dark. And I just sat in a wheelchair that became my friend everyday.
"Nila .." someone called softly.
"Adam .." I recognized his voice.
"Apparently you recognize my voice huh? I have something for you, "he teased me.
"What is that? I do not need to close my eyes right? "I asked. Actually it's a tempting question.
"No need. I know you will not peek, "he said
Then I felt something in my head. I felt my head covered with cloth. I know, this is a veil. Adam put me on a hood.
"Well, it's much prettier," he said after finishing wearing my veil.
"Adam, this veil for me? I must be beautiful. I wish I could see my face with a mirror, "I say with eyes shining.
"I'll be your mirror. I will not lie. You really look elegant wearing a veil "he said.
"Thank you Adam. Why are you nice to me? I'm never going to be your pride basket again, "I said.
"Not that. There's something that requires me to be kind to you. And something that Anthony once felt for you. Maybe I'm too early to replace Anthony in your heart. Or even forever I can not replace Anthony and fill the void of your heart. But believe me, just by looking at your smile and I can do good to you it is a great happiness for me, "he said.
I was astonished at Adam's words. I had no idea, after my blind and paralyzed state, there were men who loved me the way I was when I was normal. I can not say that I do not like Adam. Because I feel what he feels. Perhaps her figure could not replace Anthony's figure in my heart. But he was able to fill the void of my heart. From then on I officially established a relationship with Adam. He accepted me as I was even though I was blind and paralyzed. He always lights my dark days. He's like a stick that helps me walk even run.
"Til Nila, I've been eating ice cream is still hassle," said Adam.
"Usapin dong," I begged.
"No ah, you're more beautiful when it's like that," he laughs.
"That's a lie," I said, pouting.
"The mirror never tells a lie. And I'll be your mirror, "Adam said.