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Kenneth sprawled on the bed, watching as Linda hurried into her undergarments.

“Had a great time, right?” He asked, hoping for the usual response that always added a brick to his manly pride.

“Yes, it was good.” Came the murmur from behind her back.

“What did you say?”

“I said it was okay.”

Okay… that was a new word. No one ever described a good time as okay. It was something reserved for…. No, she dare not!

“What did you mean by okay?” He was rising now, his back seeking the support of the pillow.

Linda thought for a while, wondering if this was the best time for it. Well, she felt she couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I mean, it was good but it could have been better.” She said, turning to look in the face.

He could sense a sledge harmer approaching his wall of pride.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” He decided to take a soft approach.

“That right there is what I mean. You are too gentle. You are too gentle in bed.”

“Too gentle?” This wasn’t a sledge harmer, it was a bulldozer. How do you defend yourself against a bulldozer?

“Yes! When I ask you for sex, I want you to fuck me silly.”

“Are you calling me silly? Must you insult my manhood and then my person?” The sweetheart voice was gone.

“I am not saying you are silly.”

“So I’m deaf? I did hear…”

“Fuck what you heard. Argh! This conversation is pointless. I’m leaving.”

Kenneth jumped to his feet and held on to Linda’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

Linda looked at the eyes, eyes gentle and soft and imploring and…. DIGUSTING!

“This is what I’m talking about. There is no fire in you.” She spat out, ready to leave.

“What do you mean by ‘fire’”? A confused voice asked?

“Ask your driver!”

“What driver?”

“Never mind.”

Was she talking about Steven? Hell, he was going to lose his job that very day. He got off his bed and began to seek his clothes. Linda watched him for a while and thought it best to help him. She was probably going to lose him but then he needed it.

“Steven fucks like a man, a real man.” She blurted out.

It felt like someone had just splash a bucket of steaming water on him. That was the teaser from the bulldozer. He knew the real hit was still on its way.

“and… and… and I…” he stammered, his hands feeling for the wall.

“You? You are like a boy with a man’s dick. You’ve got it but you don’t know how to use it.” The first strike came.

She looked at the horror on his face. She knew she was going to enjoy this. “Every time I leave your place, I leave unsatisfied. But Steven….” She smiled at the thought, feeling moisture between her legs. “Sweet Steven knows how to hit the home runs. He never drops the ball until he gets to touch down.”

Kenneth watched she approached him, unaware of how to react. She sat on the edge of the bed, directly in front of him and began. “You should know, a man is like a matchstick. One strike and he’s on; seconds later and he’s out. But a woman..” Her right hand crawled under the red silk material and her tongue moistened the edges of her lips. She continued, “a woman is like coal. You need to strike a fire and then fan it until it becomes hot.”

There was something wrong with him. At least, within his legs. There was a throbbing against his thigh. Certainly, that was not normal given the circumstance. She noticed the rising bulge, his discomfit and her hand began to move under the red material.

“It takes a large fire to burn the coal thoroughly, something a single match cannot do. But Steven has that fire. He’s…” Words gave way as Kenneth pounced on her, forcing her head to find solace on the bed. The silk material snapped and her eyes opened first in surprise and then in amusement.

She began to laugh as Kenneth grunted like a pig on top of her, pumping with everything he had. He pulled her hands over her head with his left hand and raised her lip with his right. The laughter increased with each thrust until Kenneth, driven by her laughter, unleashed the beast with. He pulled out and saw her smiling at him. He wondered if he still wasn’t getting it right. He crawled over to the other side of the bed and summoned Steven.

He needed to find out what Steven was doing right. Linda turned on her side, with a mischievous smile in her eyes. She had never expected him to be this worse. Perhaps, it was a good thing she did this now.

“Come in.” Kenneth replied to the knock on the door.

Steven walked in to see Linda wrapped in the duvet and Kenneth… naked?

“How do you fuck her!” What was meant to be a question sounded liked a command demanding a demonstration.

“sir?”

“I know what’s going on. How do you do it?”

Linda burst into laugher seeing the exasperation on Kenneth face and the confusion on Steven’s.

“Darling, Steven is impotent. I know because my maid told me. And the second time was awesome. But you didn’t know because you’ve never fucked me that well before. I laugh when I’m having really good sex.” Linda announced as she dragged the remains of the duvet with her into the bathroom.

Steven and Kenneth looked at each other in embarrassment.

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Yes, this isn’t good at all. I had the idea for hours but I couldn’t put it to paper. It hurts you know, when you’ve got a plot in your head and you can’t tell it. This is a desperate attempt to change that.

Anyway, I nominate @pangoli and @holybranches to redeem this post by posting something really funny.