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Rolling around the playground
in the scrubs of my beloved Cov
seemed so easy
at least before the balls dropped anyway.
Football, french kisses, cantona collars and pog trading
Nike air jordan, La Gear, Nafco54 and Spliffy shirts.
Do you remember those premier league football stickers?
We used to trade them too,
We had our own currencies at 9, 10, 11 years old
kids are smart.
After getting released for the day by our loving government
We'd then wash cars for pocket money
Which would pay for footballs, stickers, pog and tapes,
I even had my own little stand in my parents front garden
Where i used to sell old toys, clothes and books
I fixed my own bike, and had my own little stereo on my handlebars.
I rode everywhere in my city, mostly alone, and in some rough areas
Nothing bad ever happened.
Total innocence innit?
Then we entered the trial of fire
Endless shit jobs, debt, drink and ditches
Always in the firing line
Many lives, too many deaths.
And on and on it goes
Until something clicks.
I lose
To face myself
Been here before
But i have the tools this time, right?
Still fighting
The never ending doom
Within the kingdom of gloom
United by the same worn out worries and fears.
Doom, anxiety and poverty is what i was taught as a sprog
and since then i've been self taught all the way
Failing a lot, but learning something every time
At least i can look after myself again.
The people here worry too much
About when they will die
or when i will die
Death talk & doom
Daily.
Usually i'm optimistic, positive and over idealistic
But the doom wears me down from time to time.
They cannot fathom
That perhaps
Just perhaps
I might go before them.
And why not?
I'm fine with that, but i don't dwell on it
and i don't mean doing myself in
I fought and won that battle 10 years ago.
But the others seem truly scared of death
and completely oblivious to the second death.
https://s13.postimg.org/79ey2g21z/8c5d2f7eaf52c6be3732f1087625c321.jpg
They talk about losing to this scam, bet, drug, job or marriage
What about those of us who just tried, experienced, took a punt?
and still can't work out what the heck is going on
or what the next step is.
I lost a girl
My first love, best friend too
Waited so long, i'd given up
Yet still it came too soon.
They say I'll lose more
But anytime soon is not the time.
We just came from two different worlds
She is a hidden genius though.
You think Beethoven was good..
Ignored dealing with it
The emotions, the grief, for 18 months
Went back to work, hustled at night
and then bang!
It all hit me, everything
Not again! when the fuck does this all end?
I do it all to myself then
But at least i got back up this time.
I've never been someone who looked for love outside of self
Truth is, i didn't really give a shit before her.
And if i don't have it within
i don't have it without, so they say.
Always knew that.
My battle has always been with myself.
I'm like an old Austin Allegro (Austin Agro!)
Badly built british banger from the 80's
Totally unreliable, not popular, nor the prettiest
And constantly needing new parts.
It seems that not really knowing how exactly it all unfolds,
and not taking anything too seriously
But pushing forward, rebuilding a stronger foundation
is the key to this game.
The flags of the old regimes are being burned
No-one, including myself, is going to stop me this time round.
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