STEP–Monster by latex

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· @latex · (edited)
$10.39
STEP–Monster
<html>
<p><img src="https://racheloglesby.files.wordpress.com/2017/01/10923219_10152537573647234_749530700678528604_n.jpg" width="960" height="640"/></p>
<p>Allow me to introduce myself…&nbsp;</p>
<h1>I’m <strong>bat shit crazy</strong>… in the medical profession, they have an unofficial code for that: “BSC”.</h1>
<p>I’m dating a <strong>latex freak</strong>. I enjoy being alone, know what it’s like to be homeless, and spent over three years and thousands of dollars to discover that years of abuse have caused me to have crippling panic attacks.</p>
<p>For all of the incredible medical specialists in this world, I only learned what was happening to my body by accident… As I sat in the waiting room to pay the bill for more tests that revealed I was perfectly healthy, my wonderful young doctor saw me sitting there and realized what was going on.&nbsp;</p>
<h2><strong>The problem was not with my body, but with my mind.</strong>&nbsp;</h2>
<p>She pulled me into a small room, and finally gave me a name for the excruciating pain that I had been suffering from for years… Panic Attacks. That young woman altered the course of my life and I will be forever grateful for the compassion and insight that she gave me that day. I finally had a name for what was happening, and the credibility of a doctor’s diagnosis to take back to my psychiatrist to finally get taken seriously and receive treatment.</p>
<p>In the three years that I had been seeing my post-college psychiatrist, he had never paid heed to what I had been telling him. As with most people my age, I had scoured Google for answers… for a name… for anything. I had asked him nearly a year prior if it was possible that I was having panic attacks, and he scoffed at me from behind his desk, ran a hand over his white beard, and informed me that <strong>if I had been having panic attacks I would know.</strong></p>
<p>How?</p>
<h2><strong>Because I would have been to the Emergency Room.</strong></h2>
<p>I’d still like to punch him square in the face for making me suffer needlessly because of his own inability to listen and trust me after three years of monthly visits that lined his pockets with insurance money for simply writing me the same script I had already been taking without problems for the past six years, while he talked about his dogs for 15 minutes before ushering me out the door.</p>
<p>I left with a benzodiazepine script that day, and for the first time in years, I got a reprieve from the pain.</p>
<p><strong>Benzos don't solve the problem,</strong> but they definitely make it more manageable. I can walk, talk, function and breathe now. I still have to work at it, and some days are still really bad; but even <strong>moderate relief is better than unending suffering.</strong></p>
<p>From the age of 24 to 27, I worked through the pain and tried to find answers, as the symptoms grew progressively worse. The pain brought me to my knees… but I never gave up because even though I sometimes wished for a quick death to escape the pain, <strong>I wasn’t ready to die yet.</strong> I had clawed my way through life, put myself through college, attained a respectable job within my field during the height of the Great Recession…&nbsp;</p>
<h2><strong>I refused to let what I had worked so hard for slip through my fingers.</strong></h2>
<p>Fast forward about 4 or 5 years, and I’m writing this post from the cab of an old Chevy truck… 18 hours away from where I grew up, on a computer that my <strong>former therapist/current boyfriend</strong> bought for me. There’s a twitchy border collie in the driver’s seat, basking in the sun, and I’m trying to ignore the incoming text messages from my boyfriend as he drives 4 hours back from dropping off his kids with their witch of a mother.</p>
<p>I don’t know <strong>who’s the most crazy in this situation…</strong> me for ending therapy to date my therapist, my boyfriend’s illiterate ex–wife, who has done everything within her power to sabotage any chance of bonding with the children, or my boyfriend for how much he has changed since the kids first came to visit our shared home for the summer… or maybe the boyfriend’s family that is not only aware of their <strong>extreme dysfunctionality,</strong> but proud of it to the point that <strong>I want to crawl out of my own skin when I’m around them.</strong></p>
<p>I’ve been around and seen enough to know that <strong>this shit ain't right… and I’m obsessed with figuring out the truth.</strong></p>
<p>I’ve been alone most of my life and I’m pretty comfortable with that. I’m not afraid of traveling into the wilderness alone. <strong>People always try to discourage females from venturing, camping and traveling alone.</strong> They worry about bears and strangers… but I’m not scared of backcountry wildlife or coming across people I don’t know while traveling alone. <strong>I’m scared of the people that I do know.</strong></p>
<h1><strong>It’s the people and places that you do know, that hurt you the worst.</strong></h1>
</html>
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@onlyvoluntary ·
welcome to the platform
happy to follow and support
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@latex ·
Thank you!
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@pilgrimtraveler ·
Welcome to Steemit! :))
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@latex ·
Thank you!
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@builderofcastles ·
I strongly suggest this book.
_Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving_ by Pete Walker

It has a huge amount of important words that will explain what is going on inside your head.

I know you didn't go much into what your conditions or triggers were, and I haven't gone much into how I know the book is appropriate, but I can tell you that I have heard the same story from many other people.  Including the bad psychologist.  (the psychology industry doesn't even want to look at CPTSD, because it explains and so much, and would shrink the DSM to the size of a pamphlet. And other nefarious reasons)

If you wish to know more, reply any questions you have here, or send me a message on steemit.chat
👍  
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vote details (1)
@latex ·
Love your comment. Seems like you actually know a fair amount about psychology! I will circle back on this a little later… going to go check out that book on Amazon.
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@sophiamanimen ·
I thought I would check out the book as well, @builderofcastles. However, when I looked at the reviews, I found this:
>Non-empirical and misogynistic
ByAmazon Customeron April 1, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition
|
Verified Purchase
I have only two books in my current reviews to which I gave 1 star. This is one of them because the subject matter is SO important and this man claims to be an expert when He really does not understand the process of healing and that it cannot be forced upon survivors who have been held in capticity psychologically by psychopaths. See this is the huge MISS in the therapeutic community when dealing with the catch all complex-ptsd. Those people diagnosed with the syndrome are battered children who grew up with a psychopath for a parent. It takes decades to solve the puzzle because of the psychopaths manipulations in getting other family members to participate in her abuse hence the battered child is subject to a barrage of people controlled by the psychopath scapegoating and abusing her. Obviously if all a victim knows is pain and harm caused by other people she will view other people as she views the psychopaths who abused her. This is what happenes emotionally and why the person remains in fight or flight valiantly defending herself against people who are good and do not intend to harm her because she is STUCK in a memory an emotional memory from which it takes decades to escape and lift the veil to see that other people are not like the psychopathic caretakers surrounding her. See the psychiatric community does not diagnos the perpetrator and the child is left believing or adult child that she is pathologivcal for feeling that everyone is out to hurt her-BUT THEY WERE FOR DECADES and this is a NORMAL RESPONSE. But therapists prefer to put a pathological label on these children of psychopaths who are not pathological.
The relity is it can not be forced upon someone to come out of the fight or flight memory whoich holds them captive and causes them to believe that everyone is out to harm them like their parents. It takes time and work and the Grace of something greater-not a therapist a Force For Good which lift the veil and memory and shows the person that most people are helpfujl. 99 or 95 percent want to help not harm you. There are only 1-5% psychopaths.

>This man believes he can force the healing and that the traumatized person "needs to change" for other people. And this is where he is SO wrong. Forcing a traumatized person who was tortured by a psychopathic parent and her manipulated family members to connect with people when she still is in flight or flight and sees people emotionally as out to harm her as her parents did is NOT A GENTLE or HELPFUL solution=you are simply further traumatizing the individual because she is in a perpetual memory while still in flight or flight mode and this goes on for decades. Only time and a belief in a Universal Force Spiritual Force for Good will help life the constant flashback. Time heals and through observation without force She, the battered child will heal and the fight or flight will stop and the veil will be lifted and she will see that other people are not like her psychopathic captors.

>Walkers labeling and telling people that they have to do certain things pushes them further away from the harm that they expect from people because forcing people to do anything is harm when they are already traumatized by being forced to do things that didn't feel right their whole lives. Walker is a very linear person who supposedly tries to be trauma based. His categorizing people is not healthy. People who survive trauma are not pathological their abusers are they are simply responding healthfully and naturally to their abusers and his 4 fs are a reductionist way to categorize people. There is no such thing as fawning for those who fought for their lives and the only true champs are those who are protective of themselves and fight to protect themselves as they fought against all odds to protect themselves from dangerous psychopaths who harmed them for decades.and he allows people to pathologize these types using a phony non-empirical diagnosis arrived at through conjecture from pathological "therapists" drawn to pathology. People who survive trauma are not crazy the perpetrators are Better you should read 8 Keys to Trauma Recovery or It's Not Your Fault and Traits of a Psychopath to identify the psychopathic caretaker in our family and the dynamic.

>neurobiologst Alan Schore proved that mothers not children are pathological and have failure to bond syndrome. Walker is not educated in the realm of trauma though he purports to be he is still stuck in the limiting confines of the pathological APA that is mysogynistic and no different than when freud labeled women hysterical now they use borderline how pathetic same time because they are so obvious. The head of the committee on the DSM5 is a known misogynist homosexual refusing to remove the bogus diagnosis for almost entirely women from the book but removes the diagnosis of sexual identity disorder for homosexuals like himselff how hypocritical and convenient no? I deleted this book from my collection because of all of the inaccuracies it is not scientifically valid nor is it helpful to those I help in healing.

>26 comments

 >31 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?
One Star
ByTim Paganoon July 17, 2016
Format: Paperback
|
Verified Purchase
Very little scientific backing.

>2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?
Yes
No
Report abuse
1.0 out of 5 stars
Damaging!!!
ByDawnTNCon March 29, 2016
Format: Kindle Edition
|
Verified Purchase
Okay, so my therapist thinks I have some characteristics of this and suggested I purchase this book. I did and it could not have had more of a negative I>mpact on me if it were directed toward me. And according to this book, you couldn't be Jesus and not have any symptoms in this book (I'm paraphrasing). This is about a man and his parents, it doesn't explore any other relationship that could cause this but bad parents. It is awful and not an awww I feel sorry for him awful but an I cannot believe he is writing this awful. If I weren't in therapy now for other things I sure as hell (yes his book said we should be able to say what we feel and this is how I feel) would be in therapy now. If you are a parent, do not read this book because there is no way you could be a "good parent" under what this man says. I don't normally leave really negative reviews but I am afraid for anyone who is struggling to be put under this and am definitely afraid for any parent who isn't perfect to be reading this and that includes single parents, because had I read this as a single parent, which I was at one point I would have gone right back into the situation I was in for fear of screwing up my child even more. I hope it helps those who read this but I would not ever suggest this book to anyone and yes I told my therapist that!

As I am one of the children mentioned in the first review. I believe this book is not for me.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@builderofcastles ·
Well, that is an aweful comment indeed.  And if it were true, I would never recommend the book.
I don't know if it is a person that is too hurting, or if it is a paid pharma shill, but the book is completely opposite of their statements.

It probably is more appropriate to say that healing this sort of trauma is very uncomfortable.
But, anything, other than hiding in the corner is uncomfortable.

The thing that really breaks this review is the "catch all complex-ptsd".  It is not a catch all, it is a very specific set of traits brought about by a lot of (complex) trauma.

Anyway, I would suggest watching videos by these two
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuPDIYlAick

and if you resonate with them watch lots of their videos, they recommend the book.

Be well
👍  
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vote details (1)
@wartrapa ·
Hi @latex and welcome to Steemit :)
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@thedeplorable1 ·
Welcome Home
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@heykathy ·
It's all about figuring out what you want. If you want to know what's really important to you look at where / how you spend your free time. Welcome. It's a fun place to journal and learn.
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@meysam ·
welcome, a bit tough life you had back there, glad to see you are doing well now
and I hope to see you start trusting people you do now soon :)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@suicidegirl ·
Welcome sexy :)
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@gtg ·
Hello @latex, welcome to Steemit! :-)
👍  
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@luckyman404 ·
Welcome to Steemit :)
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last_payout2017-02-17 15:45:36
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 SBD
curator_payout_value0.000 SBD
pending_payout_value0.000 SBD
promoted0.000 SBD
body_length21
author_reputation1,501,988,704,632
root_titleSTEP–Monster
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 SBD
percent_steem_dollars10,000