Alcoholism: Entering Day 67 of Sobriety. The Day I Fell Off The Wagon(Or So I Thought). by lexikon082

life · @lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17 (edited)

$22.84

Alcoholism: Entering Day 67 of Sobriety. The Day I Fell Off The Wagon(Or So I Thought).

<center>![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmb5wxCLS6JiLZR9JENB3Be48tHM6cSbxQ6g2rKKbywbfp/image.png)</center>
Each day when I wake up I put an X on a calendar next to my desk to keep track of my sobriety. In the past, I was hesitant to do this when I would try to break the chains of Alcoholism because I had failed at it so many times. After about a month into this current adventure, I finally started to keep track of the days. I knew this time would be different and I had to take the step of keeping track of the days because this was a way to help me conquer the doubt of failure. 

I sit here in awe of looking at the number 67 on the calendar. It's truly surreal. Where I was 67 days ago compared to today is almost unfathomable... especially after this morning.
***

# <center>Waking Up Today</center>
I've written about my internal clock waking me up early since I stopped drinking. Today when I was waking up I felt tired, hungover tired. I must have been in a half dream state(if there is such a thing) and thought to myself,"I am going to roll over and go back to sleep all day". However, I wanted to wake up but I couldn't. So there I am in this half dream state trying to get my body and mind to function. 

I thought to myself "Frank, you done it again. You drank too much and now you are going to sleep the whole day away with a hangover".

**THEN IT HIT ME**. "Frank, you let go of your sobriety!". In my mind was pure confusion, fear, and sadness all wrapped into one. "How could I have done this?", I was thinking to myself. It was a feeling of pure failure that seemed to last a lifetime.
<center>![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmYMgYwh1GVZhy36NdYBbaZBBbZ7jh3J3SR5XZha73Fe7r/image.png)</center>

When I finally woke up I was crying.  That's how strong the feeling of failure was! I jumped out of bed quicker than I have in a long time. I ran out to my office to check the calendar. I looked at the date on my computer. I finally realized it was all a dream.

**I STILL HAD IT!** Today was day 67 of my sobriety! All I could do was thank God for this day. I am still crying out of joy typing this right now.
***
It's days like these I know this time is different as it relates to my sobriety. The sadness and disappointment that encompassed my heart this morning when I thought my sobriety had been broken is not a burden I want to carry around. 

I knew my sobriety was important to me, but this dream (or whatever it was) made me realize how truly important it is.
<center>![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbnqCGL2eJghyxoiJodDyeVrQoqrwrC538d1JScDqZJXk/image.png)</center>
Today I am truly thankful to be on Day 67. The 67th X on the calendar will always be special to me. It's the day I thought I  lost my sobriety.
***
Source: [1](http://www.sirenabernal.com/things-to-do-what-to-do-when-you-fall-off-the-wagon/) [2](http://www.thelawofattraction.com/20-quotes-to-help-you-never-feel-like-a-failure-again/) [3](https://steemit.com/@lexikon082)
***
<center>![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWzK2fz4QKt9ZE91rU9ov4knjG5uq9D2pQQvH4Pxo3yex/image.png)</center>
<center>[Submit Questions To Be Answered By WoldDawg Every Saturday](https://steemit.com/steemitkids/@lexikon082/5-questions-with-wolfdawg-episode-2-answered-by-a-7-year-old)</center>
***
# <center> OFFICIAL HOME OF THE FIRST EVER LOONEY COIN </center>
<center>https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmPBerNFvGPe1sjd12uwhPKeQnaYYMq99ynpFUE7HvzgYs/looney%20coin.jpg</center> <center>[Article explaining inspiration](https://steemit.com/cryptocurrency/@lexikon082/we-need-a-looney-cryptocoin)
</center>

If you enjoyed this post, please upvote and follow if you desire! I mostly story post about my sobriety, family, effects of war, and the crazier parts of my life. However, if it interests me I may just Steem about it! Steem on Steemians!
***
***

<center>https://steemitimages.com/DQmdXaKqf6PqdqiCf4EUswCjiDV5M2N47suKEhMKPnbaQsG/image.png</center>
***
***

👍 enki, merej99, canadian-coconut, fyrstikken, pharesim, ogochukwu, cryptomancer, anotherjoe, solarguy, redhens, lydon.sipe, taskmanager, nenad-ristic, giantbear, aunt-deb, livingfree, fortinbuff, koalafamily, jeezzle, thecrazygm, lexikon082, alexrickard86, wiser, astral, curly-q, fiveboringgames, steemitqa, chrisaiki, dennishlewis, carlosgarcia, mustardseed, bidnat, kooshikoo, tyler-fletcher, okean123, oliverstoney, fisteganos, julee, deep1111, domesticgoddess, bestofreddit, commenthunter, prizeportal, dozjia, shamic, neptun, bibek, quietmind, malvino, millipede, johngault, crown-holders, admyrer

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@finance2nomad · Jun 22 '17

Hey @lexikon082, I admire your persistence and discipline. Through your blog you can inspire others to do the same, and enjoy life in all its most beautiful aspects. You gained a new follower, and a new supporter. Best, @Finance2nomad

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@lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17

Thanks for the follow but most importantly your support. The support from the Steemit community has been overwhelming and much appreciated. The sobriety adventure has brought my focus to the more important things in life and allowed me to appreciate the small things that I use to ignore. I appreciate the reply.

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@lexikon082 · Jun 30 '17

As a thank you of my appreciation for your support I will be entering you into a drawing for 50 SBD. Celebrating 75 days sober today!

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@ogochukwu · Jun 22 '17

$2.20

Hello @lexikon082

Doing this here on Steemit shows that you are a Man of great discipline, just keep in putting the work daily. Just remember that One Is Greater than Zero.

You have overcome.

@ogochukwu

👍 ogochukwu, literature-trail, fiveboringgames, bestofreddit

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@lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17

It was a huge step to put my weakness out there for the world to see. However, it gives me the motivation to strive harder for success. Thanks for the great comment.

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@lexikon082 · Jun 30 '17

You will be entered into a drawing for 50 SBD for supporting me in my sobriety adventure. Celebrating 75 days today!

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@ogochukwu · Jun 30 '17

$1.14

Congratulations Bro . You are making huge progres

👍 literature-trail, ogochukwu

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@johngault · Jun 22 '17

Stay strong my friend, you are doing great.

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@lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17

I will stay strong! Thanks for the reply.

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@koalafamily · Jun 22 '17

$0.11

You can do this! You are going to do this! You will do this! And when you stumble, get up again and start walking again! Hugs!💛

👍 koalafamily

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@lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17

Thanks for the virtual hug and motivational words.

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@koalafamily · Jun 22 '17

$0.11

We are a steemit family!

👍 koalafamily

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@redhens · Jun 22 '17

Most of us don't appreciate what we have until we lose it, but your reaction to your dream proves that you do. I'm happy that you are able to find so much joy in your success. You deserve it, and by continuing to share your story, you are an inspiration to others.

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@lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17

I've mentioned before about how I always wondered why I went through this nightmare of Alcoholism in my life. Through the story posts on this platform and comments like yours, I have come to realize it is more than likely to help others with their journey. I know I am still in the midst of mine, but it's of my opinion it helps others relate to me more who may be going through the same issue because the adventure is still very fresh for me. 

I am elated to know there are so many rooting for me. Thank you for the fantastic comment @redhen.

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@steemitqa · Jun 22 '17

Keep strong my friend!

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@lexikon082 · Jun 22 '17

The encouragement helps very much. Thank you for it @steemitqa.

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@dozjia · Jun 22 '17

@lexikon082 - Good on ya man! I know your family is proud cuz they're watching you succeed☺ Stay strong, _Steem on!_

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@lexikon082 · Jun 24 '17

It's been life changing for my family. Thanks for your kind words.

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@merej99 · Jun 25 '17

I don't know what those are called but they feel like very real alternate universes. I have them often enough to know exactly what you were feeling. Mine is not from alcohol though. Mine are usually grief-based, like that horrible whole body cry-heaving. As terrible as they are, I honestly believe they are good omens. Each time I've had one of these dreams it marked a milestone within myself. It was healing and, like you, I appreciated the reality so much more when I finally woke up.

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@lexikon082 · Jun 25 '17

What beautiful insight. The more i read about your grief I can feel a little more of your pain and wish I could help take that away from my friend. I know it's not physically possible, but I wonder if every time you put those words to screen if a little of that sorrow leaves your body.

You mentioned the milestone and it's what it felt like. For me, it seemed to mark a point in my life where I KNEW I wanted this. It was the scariest moment to think I had lost it.

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@kenhudoy · Jun 25 '17

$0.11

I admire your resolve . 67 day sobriety is not an easy task...addictive substances especially hard drugs and alchohol are easy to indulge in but very difficult to stop. I wish you all the best

👍 jesta, lexikon082

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@lexikon082 · Jun 25 '17

Moderation is key; but alcohol, moderation, and this guy combine like oil and water, lol. Thanks for your reply.

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@kenhudoy · Jun 26 '17

welcome sir...

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@lexikon082 · Jun 30 '17

Thanks for your support in my sobriety adventure. You will be entered into a drawing for 50 SBD as a thank you. Celebrating 75 days today!

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