Holiday's over, classes starting tomorrow and I'm still a little unwilling to believe it... the days don't pass faster during the holidays, probably even slower (since I think I actually got more things done during the 10-day holiday I just had compared to normal school days), but no one really had enough holidays...right? 

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_Photo by [Sharon McCutcheon](https://unsplash.com/@sharonmccutcheon) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/62vi3TG5EDg)_

Woke up 6am today, headed to the train station for the departure at 7:30am, took four hours and a half on the freezing train, returned to dorm with a half-awake mind and body, used another two to three hours to clean up the mess I had in the room, walked to the convenience store to get a new batch of food before racing back as fast as I can to prevent the rain pouring on me, a not-so-impressive dinner in the school canteen after realizing I actually forgot to have lunch, and now sitting in front of the laptop, trying to organize some thoughts and mentally telling myself that "yes, you have to wake up early tomorrow because class starts at 9". 

Sometimes it's just strange to think of the fact that everything still goes in this way despite I already experienced it for so many times. 

Or I should say...the feeling actually gets stronger the more I experience it. 

<center>![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQ6rkTkCB6jKzbUTUmYWz8AjzPMnSo34yrqPFL7XTNZn1/image.png)</center>

_Photo by [ Jack Anstey](https://unsplash.com/@jack_anstey) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/XVoyX7l9ocY)_

Personally I never thought that it would be like this when I first came to university. Like, really, I'm not even leaving the country, and it's just a 4 hour trip on the car, or a 1 hour trip on the plane. "It will feel just like at home," that's what I thought. Even the food should be similar. I lived through the first year pretty easily, finding most things new and interesting, enjoyed exploring and trying out things on my own without the bad feeling of "somebody's watching" at home. The second year (a.k.a first year of degree, we spend the first year on foundation studies to meet the year requirements since our education system only gives 11 years of official education) is still alright, there was so much to do that I got so occupied and have no time to feel anything else. 

Now, I'm entering my third year of university life and the feeling of homesick suddenly strikes that hard. It might feel like that it came a few years later than it should, but I think it's that I finally _found_ it after that long.

<center>![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbNcn4jZ9ZHJQQ5UWDCqFuioAeD4fkHTLQjW7ifRZces8/image.png)</center>

_Photo by [Fabrizio Verrecchia](https://unsplash.com/@fabrizioverrecchia) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/7Ieipcj7lp4)_

I remember quite some amount of people that recognize me as an intelligent individual, and I always disagree with them. They say I was just disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, but I know myself - it doesn't really sound too smart for someone to take a year or two to learn how homesick feels. 

And it will then translate to the fact that it took me 20 years to learn how good home is. 

A very unresponsive mind, I guess. 

I think I'm missing everything at home now. The freedom to do things you like because family members will make time for you for it, the lovely (and a little painful) moments when I slice some onions for my grandmother in the kitchen, the understanding when you're not feeling well mentally, the little nuisances you get when doing something they don't like, and many more. Maybe even the slow internet connection and the slight hallucination of someone calling me I get from time to time only when I'm at home. Also, of course, their constant reminders on me to take care of myself. Like, drink more water, sleep early and always get enough rest. 

Heck, it's 12:44am now. I really never sleep early when I'm not at home. 

<center>![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmc6PwYyHkVKx5sfw3d3yP7QPP6BPYbhJDwKMPPMVZzJDb/image.png)</center>

_Photo by [Aron Visuals](https://unsplash.com/@aronvisuals) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/BXOXnQ26B7o)_

Take a deep breathe, time to say something to myself by simply typing. Like sending myself a direct message, but through the fingers and received by the eyes. 

Time to return to reality, do things on your own, and probably finally get better in putting yourself together. 

You still have a lot of things to do, and some of them are pretty interesting. 

It might feel sad for a moment, but you know that's not going to help things out. You're sad for no actual reason for a big number of times so you know it pretty well. 

Remember to actually take care of yourself so that you don't have to lie anymore when calling home next time. 

"Reality is often disappointing," that's what Thanos said. You're not him, so just disprove it. 

Probably you really look pretty dumb by doing this, but it's okay. Not the first time too. And this time looks better, to be honest. 

Now, go listen to [one of your favourite songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLevj9bdRRA) again, probably with lyrics on, and go to sleep. It's a 9am class tomorrow. 

Good night, and I'll be waiting for you next morning. 

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See you next time,

--Lilacse.

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