有士不相识,通名叩余舟 by longye

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· @longye ·
$35.73
有士不相识,通名叩余舟
 
陌生人见面一般都会互相通报姓名,这样才算正式认识。这种“通名之交”其实古来有之,苏舜钦有首诗中就写道:“有士不相识,通名叩余舟。”可见,从古至今,见面后相互之间通报姓名都是一种礼节。 
 
《弟子规》提出:"人问谁,对以名。吾与我,不分明。"

别人问自己是谁,应该把自己的名字告诉对方,因为只说我或者吾之类的人称代词,会让对方难以清楚地分辨出来到底是谁。
 
《弟子规》指出,在日常生活中,有一些不确定的人称回复往往会造成不必要的误会,所以在他人询问自己姓名的时候,我们应该简洁明了地据实以告,而不是含糊不清地以人称代词代替,这不仅不利于社交,也是极其不礼貌的行为。
 
所以,在与人交往的过程中,我们要在他人询问时清楚地告知对方自己的身份信息,一方面是因为这是人际交往过程中的基本礼貌,另一方面则是为了方便接下来的沟通交流。含糊其辞只会让对方怀疑自己的素质和诚意,不利于交流目标的达成。
 
古时候,上门拜访一般需要提前给主家投送拜帖,拜帖中写明自己的姓名、身份、拜访的具体时间、拜访的大概目的等内容,也称“拜谒”,这是通名之礼更为正规的体现。而主家在收到拜帖之后,会根据拜帖内容初步定下接待工作,包括接待的规格以及时间等。如此双方达成一致,见面的时候才能沟通得更为顺畅。这种形式延伸至现代,变成了登门拜访之前的电话约定。当我们要去某人家拜访之时,提前打电话告知对方并预约时间是基本的礼貌,这样一方面可以防止主人不在家而“碰壁”,另一方面也可以让主人做好待客准备。要知道,不请自来的“不速之客”往往是很难受到欢迎的。所以,在初次与人交往交流时,主动告知自己的姓名是礼貌沟通的第一步。
 
事实上,通名之礼古已有之,也是现代社会所提倡的礼节。从“拜帖”到“名片”,从“拜谒”到“预约”,可以看到有些礼仪的生命力十分强大,这也从侧面证明了这些礼仪的实用性和重要性。而在现实生活中,很多人不愿意大方主动地告知他人自己的姓名,有时候不是因为不礼貌、没修养,只是有的人不习惯自己介绍自己的名字,或许还可能是因为害羞等多方面的原因,这些都需要我们在人际交往中将其克服。
 
在实际生活中,我们还需要礼貌地回复他人的询问,这一点在电话沟通中显得尤为重要。曾经有这么一个笑话,说是某人打电话,对方问:“您是谁啊?”这人极其不耐烦地回答:“是我啊!”对方一头雾水,继续问:“您是?”这人气急败坏地说:“就是我啊,居然连我的声音都记不起来了。哎呀,别说那么多废话,我跟你说啊……”足足说了两三分钟,然后问:“听懂了吗?”对方却说:“听是听懂了,只是……您打错电话了。”这人一看手机,发现果然是拨错了一个号码。试想一下,如果这个人早在对方询问的时候,就礼貌地告知对方自己的名字,对方知道了不是自己认识的人,可能当即就告诉那人他打错了电话,也不至于有后面的对话,平白浪费了许多的时间和精力。可见,礼仪礼貌很多时候不仅是修养的体现,还是便人便己的妙方。
 
所以,姓名是自身形象的“名片”,是发展感情的“敲门砖”。主动告知自己姓名是交友的第一步,有的时候我们还应该及时告知对方自己的姓名,从而避免产生一些不必要的误会。

# 本帖同步首发
[ 有士不相识,通名叩余舟 ](https://steemit.com/@longye/20200728tongming)  

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