Greetings.

Over the past few days, I have been inundated with transmissions from your galaxy. The majority of these are all asking one simply asinine  question. I demand that you stop... if you would like to avoid any Imperial entanglements. And by that I mean if you'd like to avoid having your primitive little water logged planet turned to dust. 

<br><center>http://averagejoesstory.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/deathstar.jpg
*Just in case your tiny minds can't picture what we will 
do to your planet if you don't stop spamming me.*</center><br>

I believe that on your planet you have a name for these types of unsolicited transmissions. I think you call them "spam". On my planet we call them "annoying freaking transmissions that make you want to reach through a comlink and choke a loser".  It's not as concise as yours, but it gets the point across. 

Anyway...  since my IT guy Dennis is a bumbling fool who can't even block a transmission from a Neimoidian Prince who *really* wants to transfer all of his credits to me for safe keeping... all of this spam is jamming more important transmissions (like the location of my little green nemesis). 

Instead of waiting for you to comply, I will simply answer the question. Then you primitives can go back to watching grown men play children's games for large sums of money... or whatever else you simpletons do.

The questions revolve around this image:

<br><center>http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g9TVwAC0nRk/TcCQyvzNX9I/AAAAAAABu7Y/kHnHGffJMyA/s1600/dotds-4.jpg
</center><br>

Some of your planet's less intelligent inhabitants keep asking, "Is that Vera?"

Is that Vera?! If that isn't the stupidest question I have ever heard, then I don't know what is!

Because I have heard my fair share, I am an excellent judge of foolish questions. 

Some of these include:

"Why do you wear all black?"

It's slimming!

<br><center>http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-black-is-the-most-slimming-of-all-colors-it-is-the-most-flattering-you-can-wear-black-christian-dior-81-61-11.jpg
*See one of your inhabitants gets it.*</center><br>

"What happened to your cute little Padawan?"

Boating accident.

<br><center>https://31.media.tumblr.com/6981f2dc49a39c6dbcd4fd1a4760a62f/tumblr_inline_n6pm1oiKPV1qa0uiu.jpg
*A boating accident just like this one...*</center><br>

"How do you go to the bathroom?"

In my suit and I have robots clean it. Duh.

<br><center>https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oPmJ-9VaR88/hqdefault.jpg
*This is my reaction when the droids "accidentally" 
give me my soiled pants back.*</center><br>

"How hard is it to find someone when he has your last name and lives on your home planet with your relatives?"

Ummm shut up!

<br><center>https://s24.postimg.org/uddhjp6tx/Screen_Shot_2016_12_20_at_7_02_17_PM.png
*To be fair, they threw me off the scent because their last name is Lars. 
I didn't expect them to use mine as their mailing address.*</center><br>

"Why did you kill a room full of youngling Jedis?" 

Bad writing.

<center><a href="https://imgflip.com/gif/1gc0ed"><img src="https://i.imgflip.com/1gc0ed.gif" title="made at imgflip.com"/></a></center><br>

But the worst question of all time is definitely, "IS THAT VERA?"

I will help you to answer that question yourselves by posing a question to you...

Is that female in the picture the cat's pajamas, or the bee's knees, or a peach, or an angel who fell from heaven, or the only Christmas gift I need, or the most amazing person in the universe, or simply lovely and delightful, or too good for anyone, or my favorite person in the world, or a gift directly from the Maker?

NO!

# *Then she is clearly not Vera.*

None of you have earned the privilege of gazing upon Vera. Few of you ever will (perhaps @thecryptofiend and @papapepper will earn that honor... some day).

The female in the picture is just one of the many females who are attracted to me. And by "many" I mean "all". Women dig power. What's more powerful than being able to move things without touching them. I mean all sorts of things...

<br><center>http://xsport.ua/upload/08.14/Dallas-Stars-Ice-Girls-with-Darth-Vader.jpg
*Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear 
and when I do it's usually something unusual.*</center><br>

How do I know this particular Twi'lek likes me? 

First of all, I'm me. So of course she does. 

Second,  she took me to this special private room in the cantina. She assured me that she only takes people she *really likes* back there. All I had to do was buy 1 bottle of champagne.  I didn't even need to pick the champagne. Some Gamorrean guard came up to me with his grubby, pig-like hand out. I gave him my virtual wallet (you guys should really get some of those) and he took out the required credits. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how many he took out, but the dancer assured me she was giving me a special discount because of how much she was into me. Unfortunately, just as she was about to show me just how into me she was, she had to run on stage. Afterwards, she must have had a hard time getting dressed because I didn't see her again. I didn't catch her name either. But I'm sure she'll remember me when I return. 

So no that is not Vera. You can stop spamming me now.

*Images* [1](http://averagejoesstory.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/deathstar.jpg), [2](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g9TVwAC0nRk/TcCQyvzNX9I/AAAAAAABu7Y/kHnHGffJMyA/s1600/dotds-4.jpg), [3](http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-black-is-the-most-slimming-of-all-colors-it-is-the-most-flattering-you-can-wear-black-christian-dior-81-61-11.jpg), [4](https://31.media.tumblr.com/6981f2dc49a39c6dbcd4fd1a4760a62f/tumblr_inline_n6pm1oiKPV1qa0uiu.jpg), [5](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oPmJ-9VaR88/hqdefault.jpg), [6](https://s24.postimg.org/uddhjp6tx/Screen_Shot_2016_12_20_at_7_02_17_PM.png), [7](https://imgflip.com/gif/1gc0ed), [8](http://xsport.ua/upload/08.14/Dallas-Stars-Ice-Girls-with-Darth-Vader.jpg)