![IMG-PHOTO-ART-1828477664.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUaBbSTwoXQtgfdZkeSJq525hFeVAWnfLEiNVv4tGbYwB/IMG-PHOTO-ART-1828477664.jpg)

I knocked on the door of the meeting room with my customary *three note jig.*

It was a jaunty knock. A knock that said *I ain't afraid of you* or *my unfeasibly large 'testicans' are incoming.*

*Enter.*

A waspish voice sniped from the room beyond the door.

I marched in and kicked the door closed behind me with all the grace of a *Night Shinobi.*

*Please, sit.*

My boss, the ineffable *El Jefe* motioned at the seat before me with a hand.

*A pleasure.*

![hfydtasfj_20190806181948082_20190807180449883.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmT3hYQtietFp6rFWVAwjBEnPgxXKSNi4CKXg6tEK7te7N/hfydtasfj_20190806181948082_20190807180449883.jpg)

I sat and looked at him expectantly. There was another dude beside him. A sort of blonde, gingery looking thing. I could imagine him eating apples and masturbating at the same time.

I frowned in disapproval at the thought.

*El Jefe* frowned too as if we were the famous *Frown Clowns* about to start a show.

*BoomDawg, you know me, obviously. This is Jan.*

![hfydtasfj_20190806181948082_20190807180745894.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmS3r9xuZVxtCYpRH1L4TNYfGgwpLAfS5AhbtWbgGzX9ms/hfydtasfj_20190806181948082_20190807180745894.jpg)

*El Jefe* carried on frowning as he waved to the gingery man beside him.

*Jan, is our new Security Analyst.*

*Jan* nodded in confirmation. 

He looked as if he was trying to be friendly, forbidding and stern all at the same time. Which just made him look like a dog eating a bowl of slippery spaghetti.

*Jan has been running some reports and I'm afraid you came up in one of them.*

*El Jefe* nodded ruefully as if telling me I hadn't added enough yeast to my brown cobbler.

*Jan* nodded sadly.

*I'm afraid so. Looking here...*

He fumbled with a piece of paper in front of him. It looked like a list. A long list.

*Um. You have a company BlackBerry, yes?*

He didn't wait for my answer.

*You don't appear to have switched it on in months. Three months to be precise.*

![hfydtasfj_20190806181948082_20190807181009906.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXtN74hykgk2JCnm2pyi2FcGrMDVmBwYVEZUowTRMXaAU/hfydtasfj_20190806181948082_20190807181009906.jpg)

So pregnant was the pause that followed, I was tempted to give its feet a rub.

*Jan* put down his piece of paper and stared at me.

*Would you care to explain?*

He said. His tone was soft as if he were stroking a cat's ear and wishing it were one of my testicles.

I rolled my eyes.

*Of course I haven't switched it on. Who uses Blackberries these days!?*

I said with an exasperated shake of the head.

*Who uses them!? We bloody well use them!*

Barked *El Jefe* in an annoyed tone as if his Aunt was wearing red shoes again.

*But since we switched to the touchscreen ones none of us can work them. They are shit. That weird OS they have is shit.*

I let out a disdainful laugh.

*I mean, what is it with all the mad swipes. What was it, swipe up to go back!? Nobody can work them.*

*El Jefe* and *Jan* looked at each other as if telepathically kissing.

*There have been... Problems.*

Admitted *El Jefe* in a pained voice.

*Yeah, they are shit. Can I get one of the new iPhones?*

*Will you use it?*

*El Jefe* retorted.

*I promise I will. Honest, boss.*

I gave him one of my special smiles and made my eyes dance for him.

He grunted in what seemed to be a grudging yes then waved at the door dismissively.

I sprung to my feet with a jaunty wink and headed for the door.

Will I use the iPhone they give me? 

Ha, will I fuck.