A Hard Life by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom ·
$23.47
A Hard Life
![IMG-PHOTO-ART-543363585.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbNbV8ET95w89vi79MmAEbhbNjcqD5QugLmMMV6MrWGMg/IMG-PHOTO-ART-543363585.jpg)

*Ey up lad. You look a bit glum?*

The *Bear-Man* looked at me inquisitively as if I had little nubby horns sticking out of my head.

*Who me? Nah, I'm fucking magic.*

I lied with debonair abandon.

I was not *fucking magic.* I was fucking rough. I had been to the pub for a leaving do for one of my colleagues last night and it had all gotten a bit *out of hand.*

As such, I was literally like one of the living dead today. 

I was amazed I had even managed to find the beer shop.

*You don't look fuckin magic. You look like a badger's arse.*

Said the *Bear-Man* with a frown. 

I opened my mouth so as not to impede the witty retort that was no doubt about to leap out but nothing came, leaving me gaping like a fish that had gotten jammed up a mermaid's arse. 

*Look at that face...*

The *Bear-Man* chortled, rubbing his belly as if I were a hot curry just served up to him.

*I know what you need, oh yes I do.*

I swayed slightly. I think at this point I normally fretted that the *Bear-Man* would start clubbing me with his pork truncheon. Oh well, I didn't have the strength to fight him off. I closed my eyes and hoped it would be quick.

*Erectile Dysfunction! That's what you need!*

The *Bear-Man* crowed excitedly.

I opened my eyes and gazed at him as if he had truly and utterly gone bonkers mental.

*I beg your pardon?*

I said *stiffly.*

*Erectile Dysfunction, I'm telling you. That would sort you right out.*

I shook my head. How the fuck would being cursed with a limp penis help me out? I couldn't think of anything that would help me less.

*I don't think it's something that you can pass on.*

I said primly, mentally gathering up my skirts and preparing to flounce out of the shop.

*Ah beg to differ.*

The *Bear-Man* grinned and rubbed his hands together as if rolling out clay into a soft penis shape. 

What the fuck was going on. Was he going to *curse* me? Maybe I had been watching to much Witcher. Maybe I was still drunk from the night before?

I glanced nervously at the door. It wasn't so far. Maybe I should make a run for it before I was cursed with flaccid penisery? 

Shit, the Good Lady would go nuts if I came into the bedroom swinging my lad about like an old wet skipping rope.

I tensed my legs, ready to run.

*And ere you have it! Reptile Dysfunction. It's got chillies in it. I told you, it would sort you right out.*

The *Bear-Man* passed over a gaudily painted can of beer. 

I turned it over in my hands. Reptile Dysfunction. Ha, *tres amusing.* I felt vaguely relieved that I wouldn't have to return home with a beanbag for a penis as it was actually a beer not a curse that was being thrown my way.

*Aye go on. I'll take it.*
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 293 others
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vote details (357)
@davedickeyyall ·
$0.05
Reptile Dysfunction... beer for humans..  but you should see what happens when you let the iguana drink it !tip
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.03
Heh heh, I will be seeing shortly!!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@tipu ·
&#127873; Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 STEEM tip from @davedickeyyall!<br><p><strong>@davedickeyyall wrote lately about: <a href=https://www.steempeak.com/@davedickeyyall/problems-upon-problems rel="noopener"> Problems Upon Problems..</a></strong> Feel free to follow @davedickeyyall if you like it :)</p><p><a href="https://steempeak.com/steemit/@tipu/tipu-tips-guide" rel="noopener">Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.</a></p>
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@tts ·
To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.
[![](https://s18.postimg.org/51o0kpijd/play200x46.png)](http://ec2-52-72-169-104.compute-1.amazonaws.com/meesterboom__a-hard-life.mp3)
Brought to you by [@tts](https://steemit.com/tts/@tts/introduction). If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.
👎  ,
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vote details (2)
@slobberchops ·
$0.05
'*Made from real snake juice*'..., tomorrow's review is gonna be fun!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Real snake juice, lol. It does sound a bit nuts!!
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@slobberchops ·
$0.05
Wonder if it tastes like this stuff?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLGKB4h-48Q
👍  
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vote details (1)
@abh12345 ·
$0.03
hmm, Not sure about drinking the snake juice Boomy..... sounds like the sort of thing you would do as a student for a cheese toasty and clean socks.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I am the eternal student despite thiae days being so long ago. That idea just makes me keener!!
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@old-guy-photos ·
$0.05
Hey even if it tastes like piss, its better than a limp biscuit! lol
👍  
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@haikubot ·
<em>Hey even if it 
Tastes like piss, its better than 
A limp biscuit! lol 
</em>
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<sup>- old-guy-photos</sup>

---
<sup><sup><em>I'm a bot. I detect haiku.</em></sup></sup>
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@meesterboom ·
I can wholeheartedly agree with that!! So here's hoping it tastes magic and has no side effects!! Lol
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@ryivhnn ·
$0.05
On the one hand you really should know when he's talking like that, there's a weird beer coming.  I mean I only know him purely from your comedic point of view and I know this XD But never mind it's much funnier this way XD

And 

> mentally gathering up my skirts and preparing to flounce out of the shop.

my diaphragm hurts so much right now XD

<div class="pull-right">https://technonaturalist.net/sites/default/files/styles/sensible_display/public/art/2019/09/heartfyn_0.png?itok=QHDoN0HE</div>
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I do like a good flounce!!!

He does like to come or with the whackiest beers, I like it but always pretend to be startled and subsequently ham it up here! :0D
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@dswigle ·
$0.05
Oh, Boom!! I don't know what to say, but trouncing would have been a delightful show. I'm sure I speak for the Good Lady when I say, all is best when it doesnt lose its zest.

Cheers!

!tip
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
The zest must be maintained! The proof of pudding will be tonight. The hour approaches!!
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@dswigle ·
You know, we'll be all waiting to hear! We live for this stuff!
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@tipu ·
&#127873; Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 STEEM tip from @dswigle!<br><p><strong>@dswigle wrote lately about: <a href=https://www.steempeak.com/@dswigle/market-friday-dives-into-bonaire rel="noopener"> Market Friday Dives Into Bonaire</a></strong> Feel free to follow @dswigle if you like it :)</p><p><a href="https://steempeak.com/steemit/@tipu/tipu-tips-guide" rel="noopener">Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.</a></p>
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