Bad Surf by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom · (edited)
$23.61
Bad Surf
![IMG-PHOTO-ART-854175313.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmY6ERpEPyxX23EyREqkekLNtBkFgauj7aZ57j6aCNkZFb/IMG-PHOTO-ART-854175313.jpg)

The start of the week. As ever I have the first of my twice weekly gym sessions in my quest to shave off the baby weight from the birth of the little boom. My weekend hangover was just a distant memory and I felt quite energetic.

I always prefer to go early in the morning as it gets the workout out of the way and then the rest of the day it's not hanging over my head.

![kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813142521300.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRu7dnp3EpqnTCGkNvbSa1w6Npoihb17g7sU9K2syYV4t/kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813142521300.jpg) 

So, at the crack of dawn, I found myself clocking into my budget gym. As I got in the door though, I felt a pang in my undercarriage.

Bugger, it looked like my morning poo was a tad early? 

I wondered if I would be able to hold it in till after my workout but I felt another pang as if a small but incredibly dense koala bear was pushing at my rear door.

![kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813142716166.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQxJqmPtd7tDacFRHJPm9bSgDaV2VdLE8CP68H2s1aRJT/kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813142716166.jpg)

Damn it, there ain't no arguing with the morning poo. I dumped my bag in a locker and headed off to the singular toilet. That's right, my gym is so cheap it only has one poo repository for men. Shameful.

I got in and closed the door and prepared myself to sit down and let nature take her lovely course. 

![kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813142855807.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaW8f3CsNx9ZNTyEbSbuLDySR2UJj3cWiJUn5SvAqha31/kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813142855807.jpg)

Except there was something on the toilet seat.

Something oily and viscous. 

Something slightly smeggy and off-white in colour. 

It was spunk.

No, I didn't take a sample and go and confirm my suspicions via the lab. I just knew instantly that it was jizzum and that the toilet seat was covered in it.

![kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813143952298.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbap7B7rqvMQHkRHaGah8HieJAvfcG6CGMZpLS7htMrtd/kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813143952298.jpg)

I mean, covered. Like an elephant had just shot its massive bolt all over the place. 

I made a face as if a man had just spunked on the toilet seat I wanted to sit on. Yech, I put a hand on the door and readied myself to leave. No way was I going near that.

Something colossal shifted inside me, like an iceberg calving from an ice shelf. Then something rumbled. 

![kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813144159160.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmS9UJkzzMKNHDkXYcmnX3nft3FMURNgoeshERU72a8BBB/kgzhzjx_2eg_20180813144159160.jpg)

Oh oh. The morning poo was not for being delayed.

I paced back and forth in the small space clenching my small but adorable buttocks. 

What to do? What to do?

Something inside me spasmed and my legs trembled like jelly.  

Oh lord no, I had to go. I had to go now.  

I grabbed a gigantic fistful of toilet paper and with a face worthy of a cat eating prunes mopped up the white oily man slick on the seat. 

Is this what I have been reduced to? Wiping another man's jizzum off a toilet seat? I mean who even does that? Who shakes the pork tambourine in the gym toilet early in the morning? 

I grunted in disgust.

Time to have a serious think about my choice of budget gym.
πŸ‘  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 92 others
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vote details (156)
@trendygran ·
YUK.  Awful way to start the day.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
It wasn't the most pleasant! :0)
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@whatsup ·
$0.03
Holy Mother Load of Shit.  I have no words for a great comment.  EWWW, WTH.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.04
Hashtag!! I know, I was caught between a rock and a hard place!!! I was just looking at a post of yours! Mysteemitfriends is ace isn't it!
πŸ‘  
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@whatsup ·
$0.03
I love it and I use it all of the time!  :)
πŸ‘  
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@cyberblock ·
$0.03
eww
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
Yup, it was foul
πŸ‘  
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@cyberblock ·
$0.17
haha
πŸ‘  ,
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@bossmatang ·
I can only smile with your post
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Lol, a smile is a great thing!
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@shiab ·
That's a great in your life thanks for sharing your beautiful story
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@meesterboom ·
I am greatly puzzled that it pleases you for me to mop up another man's *issue*
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@choogirl ·
$0.05
He's not wrong, it was a beautiful story, well beautifully told story. The story itself, however, was gross.
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@s3rg3 ·
$0.03
It turns out again, we are not made for the gym. We only need to accept it for a fact
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I think this is indisputable evidence to support that!
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@gikitiki ·
$0.05
Can you imagine the fear in the morning employees face when he's getting his duties for the day from management ...  

"Someone reported ejaculate on the toilet seat.  We'd like you to patrol the toilet every 10 minutes and listen.  If it sounds like number 1 or number two, then continue on.  If it sounds like a pork tambourine, then confront the individual..."

He too will be thinking ... "Might be time to move to another gym"
πŸ‘  , ,
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vote details (3)
@meesterboom ·
Ha, that would be terrible. Moving to another gym and the felon moves to the same one!!!

Hehe, a pork tambourine, makes me giggle so much
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@inowi ·
EWWW. Not today :)
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Not anyday!! ;0)
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@vdbo10 ·
$0.03
HAHAHAHA I hope my landing gear never suffers from a koala so snarling. nice post, so funny!s
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I hope your don't suffer it ;0)
πŸ‘  
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@cryptoandcoffee ·
$0.03
You pay for what you get. That is horrendous, your guts forced you to do the unthinkable. It is funny though but not when t happens to you. You are a brave man and worthy of a medal.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I await my medal, someone had to send me one! :0)
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@donnadavisart ·
$0.03
I thought the 'sample' from the toilet seat was going to be used Jurassic Park style to make an a recreation of the depositer, so you could then grow it in a lab and then, once it reached full size, slap it and make it clean up it's mess :)
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehehe, of yes, that would work a treat. I will have too get my lab out of mothballs!!!
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@jedau ·
$0.03
I don't want to be *that* guy but that wouldn't happen had you chosen to continue your home gym idea, BRO-seph. I mean, if you *would* see a gentleman's relish splattered on the seat, it'd be yours. Actually, I'm more surprised you haven't seen some sooner! My experience with gyms have cemented that aura of sexuality in them. But, that's a story for a different post.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
That is indeed a different subject for a different post. A post of horror!!
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@jedau ·
I assure you, it would be nothing but the stuff of nightmares. Nightmares I tells ya!!
πŸ‘  
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@old-guy-photos ·
$0.03
Hey Boom, this was close to a sh*t post ahahah!!! 

Oh hey, lets just believe it was just liquid soap that the staff forgot to wash off...yeah I am sure of it, but no so sure that I would shake hands with you any time soon LOL!
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I tried to tell myself it was just spit butt do down I knew. I will always know!!
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@hyperbole ·
$0.06
1) _"I made a face as if a man had just spunked on the toilet seat I wanted to sit on."_ Hmm, I think that's the first time I've seen you say _I made a face as if:_ for what actually happened. Although I suppose this would fit right in to your usual array of (fictional) faces. See? _" a face worthy of a cat eating prunes"_ right by the end.
2) _"Who shakes the pork tambourine in the toilet gym early in the morning?"_ I think that should be _gym toilet,_ not _toilet gym_. Might want to fix that. Also: _"Something slightly smeggy"_ Might want to change that to _smelly_. Stupid autocorrect.
3) Apparently I am once again the only one to notice something important: Why exactly do _**you**_ have baby wait to shave off? Someone's been having fun at the reader's expense. (For a second I thought you were continuing the "writing from someone else's perspective thing," this time from the good lady's.)
4) I commiserate. I really do. But I'm not paying the fees for the psychologist to get over it.
πŸ‘  ,
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@meesterboom ·
Ah number 2, I fixed the *toilet gym* - thank you! I did however leave smeggy as it was intentional. It's a very British word. Similar to smeddom which generally implies a gentleman's *issue* :0)

And number 3, the baby weight, well, when the good lady popped out the little boom and we all were at peak no sleep it was a time of coffee and chocolate and anything else that could be used as a crutch to get by. I was being slightly mischievous in using it though!
πŸ‘  
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@mrchef111 ·
$0.03
OH my gosh! LOL Again, how can talking about the morning poo not be funny! Baby weight? lol I thought that is only something women talk about. But again, I am not a Dad so I will find out one day I am sure. And yes that is totally gross that some dude would do that at the gym. I mean have some control man, keep that nasty man juice at home where it belongs. Not at the gym! haha. Sorry you had to endure such a blatant disregard for others. And of course.....sorry your morning poo came a bit early. haha
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I know it's usually quite the clockwork regularity for the morning poo. I tell you this, I will never leave the house without doing it again!!
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@mrchef111 ·
bahahaha yeah there is something comfortable and quite right about the morning ritual. Just not right done anywhere else. I have had plenty of hiking/camping experiences where, it was a good thing I had TP with me. lol , but still not fun. My last long trip I had to go TWICE during the hike.
πŸ‘  
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@silviabeneforti ·
$0.03
I think you're the only one here who can talk about the morning poo make me laugh like just a little one can do!!! :D  
You made me think about an ads on the italian tv about people who have some problems with their poo, but that ads is not so funny like your content!!! :0D
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Well It is nice to hear I have the edge over them pesky advertisers! ;O)
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@afiqsejuk ·
$0.03
Oooo... A man having a "quickie" as they said. I also had an incident like you where I need to poo while literally jogging in the park. Fortunately, my house was in walking distance and get to the toilet just in time. Is your budget gym far from your home, meesterboom? Upvoted!
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
It is a fair bit away as it is near my work. I do hope when you got home you didnt find a strange coating on your toilet :OD
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@afiqsejuk ·
Haha! No nothing of that sort! :)
πŸ‘  
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@len.george ·
$0.03
Go Asian.
Remove your pants, lift both lids, place one foot on either side rim, find something to hang onto for dear life, and proceed.
It is good balance training especially if there is nothong to hang on to.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
The idea of slipping and crashing down and sprawling in the mess gives me the heebers!!!
πŸ‘  
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@len.george ·
That's why you want the steadying bar, or a good grip on the soles of your shoes.
πŸ‘  
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@cecicastor ·
Some people! How dare they leave that mess in a public toilet? Obviously, your budget gym doesn't have a night cleaner. I would seriously be considering another location...
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I am most definitely considering it!
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@jlufer ·
@meesterboom What a horror that this happens to you, there is nothing worse than going to the bathroom and find these treasures on the only one you can use.
If you doubt you will have to consider the price of the gym and look for another one that you have at least the neat bathrooms
What a terrible experience
I wish you a beautiful night
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I am starting to see the benefit in spending a little more!
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@dswigle ·
Well, hell's bells Boom. You should have used the ladies room. We don't do *that* in there.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
That might have led to other problems!
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@lordnigel ·
They only have 2 cubicles at my work and like 100 blokes have to share...I feel your pain!

https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://image.ibb.co/nLVzkp/skiddyskidmark.gif
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Ouchy, my work has three is quite bad do I feel your pain!
πŸ‘  
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@lordnigel ·
hehe...I got skilled at hodl
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@ddschteinn ·
$0.03
Yikes, I would pass on your gym.  I agree, you might want to find another place to manly up.  At least find one with more than one throne. 
 
It shall never cease to  amaze me what sorts of projects men create in the confines of the public loo.  I've seen some things, but must admit, never any testacular spelunking onto the D ring like that.  I suppose that's why they provide those paper life-preserver thingies on the wall, though I'm pretty sure you'd need 7800 of them for THAT joyous mess. (Do they have a Scott's version of those seat-cover, bum-germ thingies?)
 
I once stood waiting outside the sitter in pain at a highway "rest area", while some chap reeled off about 25 km of paperwork in the little horse stall.  Spun that thing for minutes on end, time after time. I wondered, "what on EARTH are you going to DO with all that paper, and what is up in there"?  Then realized I didn't really WANT to know.   Good lord, we are amazing creatures indeed. 

Good luck in your search. Maybe you could ask at the front desk as you make your rounds to switch sites, about these sorts of activities from the outset. Then again...
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I have heard the toilet roll spinner! I wonder if he is far traveled or if there is a cult?
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@ddschteinn ·
I'm opting (?) for the worldwide, well-organized tissue cult.  I expected a real mess, but it was quite tidy. Maybe he was taking it all home in a packrat backpack.
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@yanes94 ·
$0.03
I think it's crazy, but I've never laughed so much with shit @meesterboom
Your small but nice buttocks heheh.
Β  on the other hand the one who left that in the bathroom if he was urged to get a little out of him in the morning
Β  as we say here: "un maΓ±anero"
So strong were the desires that you had to clean that. that's not good!
Β  Oh no! A stain on toilets and bad aim.
that bandit must be found. but how? How do you know who squeezed himself in the morning?
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
I do not know, I am quite glad I do not know as well!!

Hehe. It was an awful thing!!
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@yanes94 ·
Mejor dejarlo asΓ­ heheeh.
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