Beard by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom ·
$149.14
Beard
![IMG-P-605478148-picsay.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmS54NSkrgsZxvRcsBNvm2TrQkebFc38MMmBEZuevLsUF3/IMG-P-605478148-picsay.jpg)

*Hey, big chap, you growin a beard?*

I stopped to face the madman who had shouted and stroked my fine mane of face hair which hung glossily from my handsome face.

*Ah, you noticed!*

I had popped out for a bit of lunch and was returning to the office, sandwich in hand when *Stevie* from work had bellowed at me. Of course, I couldn't blame him for noticing such *man'ity* even on such a crowded street as we found ourselves. 

![1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173226563.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWvwJDj5U8Lg4iXAom4WzjjghgZnQHEsCcbywT8WFs27r/1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173226563.jpg)

Stevie's face morphed through the full gamut of emotions available to someone of his intellect, which seemed to be only: chewing, surprise and ejaculating. 

*Ye livin in the woods noo? The missus chuck ye oot?!*

He cackled.

*Ha, definitely not young feller me jib. No matter how I treat __your__ missus, I don't think she will ever throw me out!*

Stevie's eyes narrowed. 

*Aye very good, *__Beard__ Grylls.**

At this he bent over almost double and walked off laughing. I fingered my face-minge thoughtfully then walked off. Some fellows simply couldn't help being envious of those with finer things. 

Back at my desk I happily munched my sandwich through a thatch of man hair. My own, I might add. 

![1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173451172.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUpmbqFPRmKFaM9uSraKFjhJdeDuqWD9z1RmRQ3rBJ4eZ/1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173451172.jpg)

Some manager woman walked past and jerked as if shot when catching sight of my luscious face ornament. She sidled up to me and giggled. 

*Did you cover your face in glue and rub a mouse on it?*

She said, rather snarkily. 

I raised an eyebrow as if squinting through a particularly dirty telescope. 

*Did __you__ smear yourself in said glue and roll yourself through a charity shop this morning?*

*What?*

Her cheeks flamed as she looked down aghast, as if seeing her cheap and tawdry outfit for the first time. 

I stroked my magnificent beard gently with my index finger and thumb and watched her retreating back. Perhaps I should get some cedarwood oil to condition this fine animal on my face?

![1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173451172_20180109174328875.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUYfbFJrhAJ6GDhATpaVXyMB9XG7XWf1XKqHJbJ5pCbJ8/1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173451172_20180109174328875.jpg)

It's safe to say that throughout the day my new beard drew some comments. This new life as a bearded man did seem to be attracting some ire but despite this, I quite liked it. In fact, I decided to keep this opulent mass of fur on my face. For too long I had been a *smoothie.*

![1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173226563.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWvwJDj5U8Lg4iXAom4WzjjghgZnQHEsCcbywT8WFs27r/1515440697-picsay_20180108200114683_20180109173226563.jpg)

I arrived home. As I walked into the lounge the good lady stared at me in absolute horror. 

*What is that on your face?*

*This?*

I said, stroking my face-mane indulgently.

*Yes, that bumfluff fuzz on your cheeks? Didn't you shave this morning?*

*I didn't really have time.*

She laughed a tinkling laugh. 

*It looks like a cat has farted on your face.*

I narrowed my eyes. Even my own good lady was a hater??! Fine, I would lose the beard...

*This time...*
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 35 others
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vote details (99)
@salt2health ·
that is a crazy beard, like the post.  coming back in style! upvoted and followed.
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@atiqur ·
wow amazing beard . THANKS for sharing
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@meesterboom ·
You are WELCOME!
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@usmanzeb ·
I'd like a beard but I have a baby face so I guess it just wasn't for me
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@dobartim · (edited)
$0.11
Exellent post, thanks fo sharing :)
How are you , is it cold with snow ?
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
It is cold but no snow!
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@trendo ·
$0.11
Lol, "and ejaculating", made me laugh cuz I was so unprepared for it, haha...
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I like to throw those bits in :0)
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@selasteem ·
your story is very interesting i like it very much. hopefully the feathers quickly grow back
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@meesterboom ·
So do I, I am meant to fly south soon
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@dylanhobalart ·
$0.11
The Boom-Beard! Lol @meesterboom!!

#boom-beard
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Nice tag! I like it ;0)
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@timbo · (edited)
$1.45
Probably the greatest thing I will read all day.

Although my beard grows in patchy in some places I still can't help but want to keep growing it more. To bad anything long enough to pull on is too long for work. :(

So when do we get to see this fine mane you have?

Edit: I know now why you and the lady get along so well. ;) As her comment trumped all the others! Ahh hahaha. 


~ @Timbo
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
It was a good one from her!! She won!!

Damn these works and their beard regulations!
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@spalatino ·
Everyone is just jelaous of an ancient hero type guy who is man enough to grow a beard, beard on again
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@addys ·
you look awosome in beard dont cut it! face with bread are more attractive!
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@meesterboom ·
Sometimes I go full wholemeal! ;O)
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@kevaton · (edited)
Nice story, super cool bears. Thanks @meesterboom for sharing.
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@meesterboom ·
You know what they say about bears! Dont run!
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@muti1983 ·
very good post and interesting.. follow @muti1983 and vote back.. @meesterboom
👍  
👎  
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vote details (2)
@countrygirl · (edited)
$0.22
>Did you smear yourself in said glue and roll yourself through a charity shop this morning?

lol.....Great belly laugh this morning sir....even the mister laughed.  You are so witty.

Actually it reminds me of things I'd often hear from the adults when I was a kid -

Her face is like a mile of torn up street.

She looks like a can of crushed worms.

Her face would stop a bus.

and on and on. 

But ... I _will_use the glue and charity shop statement sometime today. :)
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
I love to come up with descriptions and it's nice someone's for them not always to be genitalia related lol!
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@countrygirl ·
$0.11
that is true and wise as well......you have to change things up a little sometimes :)
👍  
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@yaan ·
$0.11
When you like your beard, but they hatin!(

>Did you smear yourself in said glue and roll yourself through a charity shop this morning?

You're savage! :d
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, it was the beard. It made me savage!
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@jlufer ·
$0.11
you have done it again dear friend @meesterboom congratulations for this great story.
The beard was a struggle in my time as a worker under the relationship of dependence, I understand that by a custion of hygiene in some work you can not use beard, such as dining rooms, kitchens, hostals. but there are others where the baraba can coexist in harmony with work, in short it is a matter of taste.
However you made it look very funny to the situation, I regret that you will have to lose your beard.
I wish you a wonderful evening, dear friend
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
I feel sad that it is gone. It was a mangy thing to be honest! Cheers @jlufer!
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@sadpotato ·
$0.11
No one should criticise beautiful man's beard!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
I agree, down with them!
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@aussieninja ·
$0.22
Hahahaha, your good lady totally got you this time... I can see why you let her hang around.

I am exceptionally manly in the face... but far less so on the head.  It's an odd if common situation but funnily enough no one teases the bumfluff fuzz on the top of my head, which is a shame because I've been thinking of genius retorts for years.

Ugh... smoothies.  Can't trust a smoothie... how can you trust anyone who eats food and leaves no clues for others to see? What are they trying to hide exactly?
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.04
Exactly, what are they trying to hide! Oh wait,  I am one again! Nothing, they are hiding nothing! lol
👍  
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@aussieninja ·
Hahahaha, classic smoothie.
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@mieiro ·
$0.11
hahahaahhah!! I died when I read "Did you smear yourself in said glue and roll yourself through a charity shop this morning?"
Well done xD!!!!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, Cheers :0)
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@gikitiki ·
$0.11
Two hours after dinner, when you can curl up your lower lip and using your tongue, scrape off a second helping of meatloaf you will be thinking ... "Who's laughing now?"
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.03
That gave me a dry heave!!
👍  
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@gikitiki ·
I'll try harder - shooting for a wet hurl.
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@mcfarhat ·
$0.11
Forget about naysayers, keep it going!... had a beard for a loonng time now, and i cant imagine myself without one :)
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, its give. My beautiful face-mane. All gone!! Maybe next time I will keep it!
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@beginningtoend ·
$0.11
Delilah cut Sampson’s hair and he became powerless.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
You are right, now I know what she is up to!
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@natord ·
$0.22
I'm almost 30 years old, but my beard does not grow evenly, I have a bald spot in the middle of the cheekbones. I tried shaving this place more often to promote the growth of men's wool and stimulated it by other illegal means... doesn't work. Besides, I do have a cat, so

>It looks like a cat has farted on your face.
 
-is the motto of my defective beard
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.10
Lol, I think we are similar. Beard just does not grow. My stubble comes in patchy and oddly coloured. I look a stramash, I am glad to be rid of it!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@s3rg3 ·
$0.22
>It looks like a cat has farted on your face.

Up until this very sentence, I had a visual of you with a very manly beard, ready to go out hunting for food.... 

Happy to welcome you some other time in the land of beardies (is that even a real world word?) You know what I mean!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, I know what you mean!

Yeah, in my head it was a lustrous thing, in real life. It wa a tad shabby and patchy lol!
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@scan0017 · (edited)
$2.77
Post highlights:

"I fingered my face minge..."

"Did you smear yourself in glue and roll through a charity shop?"

"You look like a cat farted on your face."

*Hilarious* man!

😂
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
Hehe, aw cheers dude! I like letting my mind go sometimes! :OD
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@everything-4you ·
oh i don't like long bear
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@meesterboom ·
Is it like long pig? I don't think I would like that much either.
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@thedailylaugh ·
$0.11
SO hilarious! This was a blast to read!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe cheers man!
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@flashfiction ·
>It looks like a cat has farted on your face.

Now... just how can she know WHAT that looks like?????
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@meesterboom ·
Wait a minute... You have a point!
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@cecicastor ·
$0.11
So, @meesterboom. Are you going to remove the cat fart or are you going to grow it full out? BTW what colour has it grown as? My son has a particularly fine red beard. I think he inherited from his Scottish great granddad...
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I wheeked it off. It didnt take much. I could have stood in a strong breeze and it would have been gone. Its multi coloured. Mostly blonde/fair and silvery!  Its a nightmare of a poor thing lol
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@len.george ·
$0.12
I believe the Navy allow a beard, but you have to stay on the ship for 28 days to allow it to grow and be respectable.
Next holidays sent the good lady to her parents for a holiday[ they want to meet the kids as well] make it a long trip so you can get a bit of growth in before she returns.
When the police allow you to talk you can explain why the god lady found this ugly person in the house, he must be a robber.
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
$0.03
Haha, 28 days. Sounds like my kind of deal! I would hope that the Fosse rotor still be standing when she returned!
👍  
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@missrdx ·
Very nic post
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@dreemit ·
$0.22
If she really said you look like a cat farted on your face I have fallen in love with a woman.
So I got on today and found that the automated voter, which I'd intended to ditch, but then didn't because lately it was very convenient and almost necessary, seems to have ditched me instead. Just caught up on some of the more important voting. Yes, of course me boom is a part of that! 
On a more gripey note, my back went out on me like an old fucking woman and I'm really pissy about it, had to use a heating pad and everything.  Bullshit I tell you, the universe is an asshole sometimes, can't just let you have one form of anguish at a god damn time.
Okay griping is over.
You with a beard, hm, well if it were to be allowed to grow in fully, you never know. At least a goatee?  ;)
👍  
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@meesterboom · (edited)
Lol, I couldn't even manage a goatee. My 'beard' is a tremulous thing. All fluff and air. I am relieved it is gone!

Hehe, she actually said, *it looks like shady fared on your face* shady being our devil woman cat but I thought it would be better not to confuse things lol!!

Fuck sake lass, tell that back of yours to get with the program or something. Is it better now? I hate the random pains of becoming wiser ;0)

Yeah, I am quite new to the auto vote thing. I don't like it, it can be a blessing but it also remove you slightly from the action I think?
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@yanes94 ·
$0.11
That beard capable and had life and was going to destroy humanity, fortunately you ended up with her ;)
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
It was a fearsome beast of a beard indeed!!
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@alexbeyman · (edited)
$5.72
I was going through old comments for nostalgia's sake when I found [your encouraging post](https://steemit.com/steem/@alexbeyman/a-very-steemy-burrito) in my article about the burrito I bought with my first Steemit earnings. 

Look at how far you've come since then! I'm not far behind. Bet you're as glad as I am that you stuck to it, what with the recent surge in STEEM and SBD price. :)
👍  , , , ,
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vote details (5)
@meesterboom ·
$5.09
Hey hey!! That's awesome eh! It is good to have hung around. I bet all the folk who rage quit have egg on their faces now!!

In the mood for a burrito now, I will don't seem a shrimp one here!
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@alexbeyman · (edited)
$0.11
It's an ongoing frustration to me that many friends I talk into joining then despair that they haven't seen immediate results. As in, after 1 to 3 days. I made zero dollars and zero cents for my entire first month, if you'll recall. 

It's like anything else, you have to play to win. Sure, sometimes it gets really lean. Dire, even. But then other times it surges. The thing is, you need to have already stuck at it and become established to benefit from those surges. 

I wish I knew how to convince them to take a longer view of things. One year is not a significant time investment to go from $0 USD per post to (currently) $200-$300 USD. People just get discouraged easily and quit. The successful few are just the stubborn ones who kept at it.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@brianphobos ·
$0.08
Yeah the rage quitters probably see DLive, DTube, Steepshot, Steemit, Busy.org, and Zappl and say......Fuuuuuuuck
👍  
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vote details (1)
@onetree ·
$0.11
*a cat has farted on your face*!!! I do not have such talent in the put down dept. Could you help me to insult a moustache....
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Lol, it works only be on sight could I come up with something! There is such a range to choose from!
👍  
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@jedau ·
$0.11
> Some fellows simply couldn't help being envious of those with finer things.

Ouch. Try as I may, having a beard is a mountain that I may never conquer. At best, I could look like Fu Manchu. I don't know why it is but hair eludes me even though I have quite a thick forest up above. Am I destined to roam the Earth with only but a few stubbles? I've tried ointments from far away lands, but the cure has yet to be found. Oh, woe is me!

A cat farting on your face? How would that result to any facial hair? Is your good lady already preparing for some Red Tent humor?
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Haha, I think she was implying that what I thought of as my fine thatch if hair was nothing but a fine spray. 

A beard eludes me too dude, I get the patchiest thing ever which grows at different rates in different areas. Ah, one day maybe :0)
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@jedau ·
We might be able to make a competition of it! To see who is able to grow a fuller beard within a decade! I'm sure those bears out there will get a kick out of it since it takes them a day or so to grow a forest on their chin.
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@zeppelin ·
$0.11
the missus is ok with a goatee, but not a mustache.  :)  And the beard helps in hiding the layers of fat hiding under my chin.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
I do actually like goatees,. Had one a couple of times!
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@englishtchrivy ·
$0.11
hmmm.. that explains the profile pic lol

chico.. they hurt us when kissed with that
I boo my boo when he grows some, too 

I thought only dogs fart 
#til that cats actually fart, too lol!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Cats do fart!! My cats farts are rare but when they happen they stink!!!


It's all gone now :0)
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@whatamidoing · (edited)
$0.11
I can't grow a beard.  Actually I can, extremely quickly, but it itches so bad, for way longer than it should.  Soft skin :-D

The people around you sure like to get into your business, seems like a frequent pattern in your stories.

I don't like to solicit attention but this is an issue I would like to look for some support on.  It's about the future of steemit.  I would really like to draw more attention to a certain problem, or to be proven wrong to the point where I can rest assured that there is no problem and I've made some kind of mistake in my logic.  Please read it if you have time.

https://steemit.com/steemit/@whatamidoing/how-do-you-feel-about-steem-drying-up-as-everyone-powers-up
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hello, sorry I took so long, I will go and look now!!
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@bleujay ·
$0.80
Thank you for posting @meesterboom.

Very humourous story and illustrations. 

You outdid yourself today......'tinkling laugh'....beautiful...

I could not imagine what would be behind the lead illustration...it is hilarious.  ^__^

Wishing you and yours all the best.  Cheers.
👍  
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@meesterboom · (edited)
Hello @bleujay!

Sorry for the delayed response I missed a big chunk of my replies somehow!!

Hehe, I was incredibly proud of my silly stubble. I felt like a bearded king. Till the good lady set me straight though lol!!

All the best!! :0)
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@old-guy-photos ·
$0.37
My son with his Christmas shirt:
![20171223_190627.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmexRnCtrBbKfczZZ8Tr2s8yWqGPqQkiD1MuVLRSvPwqJV/20171223_190627.jpg)
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Oh man, that is fantastic!!!
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@ambdavid ·
I remember when I used to struggle to have beards just to fit in around friends.  Hahaha
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@hndmarshall ·
rather a hairy face than a hairy a**...lol

upvoted and resteemed
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