Chorley Lane by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom ·
$124.23
Chorley Lane
![IMG-PHOTO-ART--224155565.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmNM6WTvwFPtJGkokwBq5dU1PLLAyJvv7EsEpUggcHfTCE/IMG-PHOTO-ART--224155565.jpg)

The alarm on my phone buzzed and played some *Zelda-esque* tune for the forty millionth time in a row.

I fumbled it off the bedside table and onto the floor, then, huffing like a small child denied ice-cream on a Summer's day, I grumpily leaned over to pick it up. 

I couldn't believe it. It was time to get up. Again.

The little boom shifted slightly. He was snoring soundly as if he hadn't been up half the night shouting like a mad drunk person. 

![ghslrv_ah_20_20d.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUH9PDLdmipyscXCEmawuhZqDwrbP2RUtLfXebesCXCz7/ghslrv_ah_20_20d.jpg)

When he wasn't shouting he was shitting himself. So yes, completely acting like a mad drunk.

The good lady was snoring softly; the little lady had decided to join in the fun at some point during the night and was taking up two thirds of our king size bed by sleeping in a starfish position. 

![ghslsgjn.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmc1fbVztGS6ty5LNjCBhbSMex8VgASYxqZrjFdBCnVRbo/ghslsgjn.jpg)

With the Good lady, who seemed to be imagining she was competing in the Track and Field and the little lady the spread-eagled octopus, I was left perched on a narrow strip of mattress about 2 inches wide. 

I was a tad grumpy to say the least. 

The shower helped slightly. I went downstairs and racked up a coffee hoping for some quiet time to contemplate the futility of existence and the folly of those who decide to become parents. 

![ghslsgjn_20180423172129120.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmP2g2it6gQaZcJW58kev3PDNA5E7T3Sq8ReTxPkh2xPjG/ghslsgjn_20180423172129120.jpg)

The door swung open and the good lady entered the room. 

*Oh god, you wouldn't believe how tired I am?*

She said amiably. 

My face twitched as if devils were fighting under my skin. 

*I am tired too, it was a rough night.*

She flinched as if I was waving my sexy banana in her face. 

![ghslsgjn_20180423173414982.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmX32WHkW2GdXfke1QSsbUNRvasEG2vyycT65oWAJaL6Dm/ghslsgjn_20180423173414982.jpg)

*Well, I have been up since five o'clock.*

She claimed with a wild look in her eye.

*Hmm, you were sleeping when I woke up and I was up half the night.*

I replied, like she was a baker with filth-encrusted hands attempting to sell me a loaf. 

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply in through her nose as if dealing with an imbecile. 

*I have it worse than you do, I am the one feeding him all through the night. You just have to change some nappies.*

She glared at me. Her power play delivered. Obviously the battle won and I, her opponent, suitably vanquished. 

![ghslsgjn_20180423173508235.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVCZWWdoQRDiQBsttbG3FacLu6xRDS76YLgDQBaGFatvc/ghslsgjn_20180423173508235.jpg)

I cocked my head to one side. 

*Listen lady. I don't think you quite understand... I certainly don't expect to be woken every night by a squalling baby.*

I smiled in a placating way as I continued.

*Don't you understand...? I have done my part.*

There was a frosty silence. The good lady took another deep breath through her nostrils, this time she was more akin to a bull before it gored a matador to death. 

*Your part?*

She said in a flat and dangerous tone.

I gestured grandly.

*Yes darling. My part. You know? The bit where I __spegged__ my muck up __Chorley Lane?__*

The good lady looked at me aghast. 

I nodded with my fine handsome head. 

*I mean, I think we can all agree that this fellow has more than done his __'bit'__ for the team.*

For a brief second the good lady's eyes blazed with nuclear rage then she shook her head.

*It's a good job I know you are joking.*

She muttered darkly.

I gave her a wink, then went off to pour us both some much needed coffee.
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 83 others
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vote details (147)
@jibon975 ·
nice post
👎  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom · (edited)
$0.23
https://youtu.be/VVRj44iw0vE
👍  , ,
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vote details (3)
@sadpotato ·
$0.07
Lmao, two percent flieeeeg :D
👍  
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vote details (1)
@gikitiki ·
$0.41
Do you remember ... at the beginning of your relationship with The Good Lady,  when :

>a starfish position

and

>the spread-eagled octopus

Were the goal of the evening?

<hr>

Now, the ultimate goal is ... two beds.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.02
Haaaaahaaahahahaaaaaa!! Oh wow. That is so accurate. Yes indeed, it was the sole aim! And now no longer lol!!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@abdulmanan ·
$0.07
How comfortable is that when we see our family sleeping,
But I do not understand how to get tired after sleeping?
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
When you don't sleep enough !
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@olumideolowoyeye · (edited)
$0.07
The boom’s nation. Smiles . This experience you shared made me scared as a man that I am trying to or would someday have a family.... a wife and kids

I understand all what happened with the little boom all night , lots of sleepless nights with my siblings as they appear one after the other. 

One bitter truth my friend, the good lady would definitely be tired , you fed the little boom but she would be physically and emotionally tired of what might happen to her little man. And you’re right about did and done your part but I believe more is expected 

The little lady was just like when experiencing sleepless night with siblings night troubles . #theboomsnation
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Oh yes indeed. We were both tired! But coffee and the sun shining bright solved everything ;0)
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@evernoticethat ·
$0.07
The cup of coffee at the end was the creme de la creme. :)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Hehe, I thought so ;0)
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@sevinwilson ·
$0.07
Coffee always comes in the clutch and saves the day! Especially after a poor nights rest! 

You might need to get a separate bed for you so you have some more space! :D
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.04
I fear the separate bed step!!!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@sevinwilson ·
$0.07
Hahaha i wonder what the name of that phobia is
👍  
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vote details (1)
@gvincentjosephm ·
$0.20
It's so hard to wake up from bed every morning isn't it?
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
It's murder!!
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@bigskycustoms ·
$0.07
Ha love it! You showed her! Best story yet!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Hehe, Cheers man!
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@ocrdu · (edited)
$0.07
Yes, you have done quite enough, and she should be happy you didn't go to the pub to prepare a celebratory cigar while she was in labour. You have already done everything that can be reasonably expected of any man.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Done everything and more. Its time that this bizarre feminist matriarchy in which we live was reversed. HURRAH!
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@broncofan99 ·
$0.15
Oh, she hopes you're joking. At least you have come to terms with the fact that you are wrong. Just as part of your role in the whole business, you are always wrong.  I am proud of you for knowing when to pull the chute. There are men splattered all over the ground for waiting too long to pull the chute. Safety first Sir!!! I have totally fought and lost the "who had less sleep" argument.  Time that would have been better spent going back to bed.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
You are right there, it is a battle not worth the fighting. She knows I am joking. I am very lucky in the fact that I chose my *second* wife well :OD
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@broncofan99 ·
$0.07
Bahahahahaha Ditto on that!!! That is hilarious.
👍  
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@cecicastor ·
$0.07
You are treading on thin ice there Mr. Boom! It does little good to argue with a grumpy tired mom before she had at least 5 cups of strong coffee...I remember those awful sleepless nights an the drag your arse out bed early the next morning...
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
I know!! Sometimes I just can't stop myself andits like I keep going on and on and on!!! :OD
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@choogirl ·
$0.07
Lol! I googled some divorce lawyers for you, since that conversation never ends well.

![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmR8rMUYLtPhpzj4NHTmEcMdosX7mkp3qHECoBxoH2SLDZ/image.png)
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.07
Lol!! I have a lady with a sense of humour even in the darkest of hours!! I do like to push it though hehe :0)
👍  
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@brianphobos ·
$0.07
I sharted and shat myself from drinking Fosters before.   The advertising got to me and I wanted to be like the Australians.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
That's how you do it! Just let go and go there! :0D
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@dreemit · (edited)
$0.44
Spegged your muck down chorley lane? Oh godddd, hahaha!

I am currently in short sleeves in our back lawn having a beer to celebrate the sun, oh the warmth of the sun!! I just heard a song that reminded me of you, if someone told me you wrote it and did the animation I would believe it! 

Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuRjO8WbgT8
👍  , ,
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vote details (3)
@meesterboom ·
$0.05
Hahahaha, don't go for the one!!

That's an awesome song!! Snails, lol!!

Hehe, the sun is smashing isn't it! Our sun went away but I am sure it will be back in a week or two!
👍  
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@dreemit ·
$0.15
LOL! He even described the woman the way you would, 'with a voice out of hell and a temper to boot, arms like a (er navvy?) and a face like dried fruit' hahahaaa, so you!!  
This next one is good too- truly excellent beer drinking music! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVzY69iZxlo
👍  ,
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@kiwideb ·
$0.02
Haha! Brilliant!
👍  
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@dreemit ·
I thought so! haha! ;)
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@gardenlady ·
$0.22
We totes value our King space.  When our kids were little, I never let a baby stay in the bed after feeding...and the older ones, well if they came in to the room, I would say, okay, 30 seconds, then back to bed.  I mean really, I want to be the one who is a starfish!  Not some tiny tot!

But oh boy, it's true, the mother is the one who is ALWAYS worse off during these times!  After all the crying and pooping in the middle of the night, I once yelled at one of the babies "I'm going to throw you out the window!"  Well, of course I wasn't going to do that but boy did hubby run in fast!  lol.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.06
I agree, the Mother really does feel the pain of it all. I am lucky if I get up half the amount of times she does. Which is why I am so caring and considerate of her feelings :OD
👍  
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@gardenlady ·
lolz.  I believe it ;0)
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@raselkhan566 ·
I also agree.
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@jlufer ·
$0.07
Yes, memories those days, I have spent those moments with the three children, the fatigue in the morning was terrible, without a doubt the coffee was a great ally in those moments.
Over the years these things happen and remain as great memories, congratulations dear friend, treasure these moments.
excellent reading dear friend @meesterboom I wish you a happy rest
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Three children makes a manly man of a coffee drinking father, I salute you!
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@deliberator ·
$0.07
lol at Zelda, showing your age now, and the starfish part, as I call my daughter the octopus when she gets in our bed. Arms and legs frigging all over the shop.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.05
OH aye, you cannot beat letting the age slip out!
👍  
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@deliberator ·
$0.07
On a slightly different note, I now have a vote worth 30 cents :-) witness krnel delegated me 1000sp out of the blue, I had not even talked to him before.
👍  
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@robyneggs ·
$0.07
oh my, sometimes it is easier to just walk away....mmm coffee
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Sometimes you have to poke the dragon in its lair just to se what it will do! ;O)
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@afiqsejuk ·
$0.07
You must extend the size of the king size bed after this. It seems that there was not enough space to fit you all. Upvoted!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
We talked about getting a bigger bed, well, when the little boom is old enough to start coming in!
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@cjao20 ·
$0.07
Oh! @meesterboom, do not make the Good Lady get mad; certainly the woman carries the greatest weight with the babies, well, that is my experience; Now, as meesterboom is an oppressed husband, maybe he has the right to reveal himself, at least a little bit ... as they say in my land: "carry the party in peace" because the Good Lady can can go on strike and if it is true that you will sleep nothing and you will not see "Linda" ... Greetings.
![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaEjLnCPg6X1CGnF1vnW1z8diCpVCf6rxL2PuqC9gsBxf/image.png)
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
That is me, the oppressed man, fighting for justice from the shadows ;O)
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@cjao20 ·
Well, I liked that expression.
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@raselkhan566 ·
ya,very interesting writing.I love story.
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@meesterboom ·
Thank you
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@alishi ·
$0.07
Phew you like playing on thin ice .....
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.05
Lol, I know, it could have gone either way!
👍  
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@anneke ·
$0.07
Whaaaaaat???? and you lived to tell the tale hahaha - Brave man you are
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.05
This time at least! :OD
👍  
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vote details (1)
@reonlouw ·
$0.07
Having just met you I thought I was reading the verbal version of a snuff film. A guy committing suicide in the surest way possible.

Glad you survived! You should stop playing with nuclear fire...
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
It's something I only do rarely, hehe! ;0)
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@ddschteinn · (edited)
$0.07
Oh good, I was pretty sure when I hit the 8th line from the bottom, and an odd little sadness descended, before mumbling aloud to no one but the cat: "Oh sad. It HAS been enjoyable reading his stories. I shall miss him, but that is how life goes sometimes, I suppose."   I am glad to have been premature there. 

And the wee ones in bed descriptors about made me drop my precious cookies.   Bravura
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.09
I was almost a goner for sure. I was on the cusp, or rather the good lady was!
👍  
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@ddschteinn ·
$0.07
How does that saying go?...."Hell hath no fury like a woman,  listening to a man who probably should have kept his yap* shut."

<sub>*mouth </sub>
👍  
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@gvand ·
$0.07
I was waiting for the moment when the good lady slashed you lol, but it did not happen... on the other hand my neighbors have a baby (not a small boom) but it is a machine to do shit, their shits are impressive, to such an extent that man since he was born never to change a diaper, maybe it's because in play we always tell her that her baby is the baker's son.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Lol!! That is quite funny to tell her that!

She will slash me eventually heheheh!
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@gvand ·
There's nothing worse than an angry woman hahaha
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@slimanepro ·
$0.77
Nice, thanks for the story .. The way you write is distinctive
Great post from you
Thanks for sharing
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
Thank you
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@jedau ·
$0.12
So *that's* what Chorley Lane meant! Initially, I thought it related to babies being like drunks, which I wholeheartedly agree with by the way. My fair lady and I had a good bit of discussion about the very same thing earlier. I don't understand why women complain. *We* do the heavy lifting to kick things off. If it weren't for the juice of life, no babies would be possible. So, you're welcome, ladies.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
EVerything is dependant on that juice of life... **everything!!**

Hehe and yes, Chorley Lane, my new euphemism for Vag! lol!!
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