Lusty by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom ·
$94.06
Lusty
![IMG-PHOTO-ART-398678739.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbjwmPuAeQWgUfEachFq7HpkVBn4HEfr3MrzQinEr23MW/IMG-PHOTO-ART-398678739.jpg)

Today the good lady's cousin, *Crusty,* came to visit.  She was a big lady in her late forties. She wore a thousand bangles on each arm and called everyone *my lovely.*

Well, everyone except for me that is. I have never been well received on that side of the family. I think I am seen as a grubby beggar who managed to lure the good lady away from the North and down to the big City. 

Which is kinda true. I wanted to show her the good things in life like cars and the internet. 

![Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430201736655.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXmA4Te7x3cQMKxQfV76gGFhcSoG36RoJWaghyLkqUMyM/Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430201736655.jpg)

She wafted into our lounge on a scented wave of lavender and old skin.

Everybody was hugged fiercely before it was my turn. 

*Boom,* 

She said somewhat coldly, extending her hand for a shake.

I took it and shook it enthusiastically. It was limp like an old vagina flap that had been in the sea too long.

*Crusty.*

I beamed as I shook her clammy, damp, vagina flap of a hand. 

*Kristy.* She corrected as if I was the village idiot trying to milk a bull. 

![Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202101864.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRniG38NHzD5taXhQ9cAbdPSZ4ingcqHrftFwBpL2u8h4/Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202101864.jpg)

*Crusty* had not yet seen the Little Boom, living so far away as she did. All ninety odd miles. 

The good lady presented him proudly. *Crusty's* face lit up. She reached her hands out and took him from the good lady. 

*Oh my word!! Would you look at this little man!! He is magnificent!!*

We all agreed that yes indeed, he was magnificent. I trotted off to the kitchen for some blessed relief, I mean, to make the coffees and teas.

![Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202252364.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXycxaZgRcxksFeQq149ibVzBghLyWcmDT8aTq3Vuc7sa/Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202252364.jpg)

When I came back shortly after, *Crusty* was sitting holding the little boom in her lap. He was doing his favourite trick of standing up proudly. It always impressed everyone. It was impressing old *Crusty* alright.

*What a __lusty__ young man, a __lusty__ young man!!*

I tried not to grimace at her repeated use of the word lusty. It sounded odd to me but these northeners came from a different world. You had to cut them some slack. 

The afternoon went on, *Crusty* exclaiming almost every five minutes that the little boom was a *fine young man* or a *lusty young man.*

My eyes were seasick they were rolling around in their sockets so much. 

At one point he made quite the fetid bubbly farting sound. 

![Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202624404.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmQTh2fVwVdYYG2p3dAMiLKvY8zVuXrwiGV3tYYFXo5yyd/Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202624404.jpg)

I went over and took him from *Crusty.* 

*I will just change his nappy. Sounded like a stinker.*

She gave me a scrunched weasel look as if she had caught me ejaculating into one of her old grey bras.

The nappy was a stinker. I am rather good at dealing with these even though they still give me the boak. I quickly changed him.  As I was pulling his little legs out of his sleepy suit, *Crusty* leaned over me, her breath hot on my shoulder. 

*Look at those big chubby thighs, I could __nibble__ them!!*

I gave her a stern look. She didn't seem to notice.

*Oh I could gobble him all up!*

She exclaimed huskily.

![Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202906367.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmYy9XGhjj23tFfLv2fhPfYgQXTo2nXy3gJHMpzSmHJKEe/Dsfyn_20180429181746592_20180429181944098_20180430202012770_20180430202906367.jpg)

She could fucking what? I looked to the good lady. She, however, was just smiling and nodding as if these kind of phrases were commonplace among the northerners. I finished buttoning the little boom back up. 

*Come back to Aunty Kristy!*

Exclaimed *Crusty,* her hands outstretched. 

I passed him over. 

She swung him about a bit and then sat him down. The little boom giggled disarmingly. 

*Crusty* almost swooned in delight. 

*Oh if he was ten years older I would marry him myself!!*

She giggled like a besotted schoolgirl.

It was too much. 

*Right you, enough with the paedo chat.*

I said curtly. 

There was a deathly silence. *Crusty* looked horrified as if I had pulled my trouser pockets inside out and done my famous *Elephant* impersonation. 

I looked around cheerily.

*Well, now the rest of the afternoon looks to be nice and awkward, I think I will head out to the garage and see if any man things need thumped with a hammer.*

I made my escape. 
πŸ‘  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 84 others
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vote details (148)
@bossmatang ·
an entertaining story at a sad time
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@meesterboom ·
Why sad!
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@bossmatang ·
less his voice on the post
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@abdulmanan ·
Eeeeeeeeeee how she can call little boom lusty :/
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@meesterboom ·
Northern women. They are a little odd :O)
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@abdulmanan ·
lusty means who is eager to do sex :3 i'm i right?
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@dobartim ·
$0.06
Lust is a powerful habit in the hands of the wrong people.
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Absolutely! 

I am still jealous of your lunch, lol! :O)
πŸ‘  
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@dobartim ·
$0.06
Welcome in Macedonia
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@evernoticethat ·
$0.13
*Little Boom
lit up the room
with a musty VRRROOMM!
that made Crusty swoon...*

https://beautyontheoutside.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/swooning.png
[source](https://beautyontheoutside.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/swooning.png)
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.09
Lol, it as exactly like that... although I might have been a bit more forgiving had *Crusty* looked like her hehe
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@s3rg3 ·
$0.06
Sometimes you just have to go to your men's cave to see if you are still a man right?! ;)
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Exactly! Nothing proves that more than banging something with a hammer! :O)
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@tatjanastan ·
$0.46
This Crusty, Krusti or Kristy of whatever sounds like a Fat Lady, although late 40s, from a Charles Dickens Novel, Oliver Twist. Only she misses Fagin, the old Jewish criminal with black teeth. 
To be honest, I could never understand, why always or most of the times wife's family do not smell much, their son in law. 
This is strange mysterious, axiom. The law not proved but functions...
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.44
You are incisive! She is quite large! Large and bangly!

I have found that to be true with my own in-laws and my friends have experienced the same. It's as if they never trust us bad men with their golden girls!
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@tatjanastan ·
$0.46
Aah, Bad men & Golden girls, so they have reason to think like that... My friend is saying, every pot has its own cap, so nothing is happening by chance. When I found Mine, My relatives came with Special police force to explain me, why I must not have anything with my future husband...
And, no matter of everything I'm still ALIVE, is obvious...
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@onetree ·
$0.11
Lavender and old skin...priceless!
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
It's very distinctive!! :OD
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@gardenlady · (edited)
ha!  i was just about to comment about the lavendar!
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@bleedpoet ·
$0.06
Rumour is people from Aberdeen still eat bairns, old pagan tradition. Can't blame them, little else to do there.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.06
Nothing at all to do!! I suspect it is true! :O)
πŸ‘  
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@izge ·
Wow..... You are quite a prolific writer. Thank you good content.
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@meesterboom ·
THANK YOU!
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@melvadg ·
I think we all have a family member like that (usually it always comes from the family of the husband or wife LOL) but in short, it seems to fall by surprise at home and act like a Martian, the good news is that the little boom was enjoying itself, the innocence of the child did not allow him to see anything other than innocence, but in short, you took the good lady and with that you are in the eye of the hurricane, thanks for sharing this funny story.
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@meesterboom ·
Yes, it all ended up fine and you are most welcome! :O)
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@silviabeneforti ·
$0.13
You have to know that Crusty sounds like the italian word "crostino" that literally means a little piece of bread with sauce, but here in my region (Tuscany)  we use to call "crostino" also a person who is not too much lovely :D
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Aahhaha, then I was right to christen her that! :O)
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@sisygoboom · (edited)
$0.13
The second you described crusty, I knew exactly the kind of woman you were talking about!

Mind the Crusty's I've met haven't been quite so forward with children as far as my knowledge serves me.. *lusty* just has some weird connotations. Did she really say that shit about marrying him?
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Yeah, that was the horrifying bit, I think she is maybe used to saying that about older children. She seemd totally unaware of how creepy it sounded!!
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@gikitiki ·
$0.13
I assume the man cave has a bar fridge, a coffee maker, a bucket and a chair.

If so, buckle down until Crusty moves along.

<hr>

Quick Simpsons trivia.    Krusty the clown's father is Hymen Krustovsky.  If his surname is shortened like Krusty,  His name in the phone book would be   Krusty, Hymen .

<hr>

Perhaps that is why the good lady's cousin is so ... crusty?
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Oh hahahahha, I didnt know that bit of trivia. Thats class!!

As a matter of fact there is a very comfy chair and a freezer which cools things down very quickly! It is quite the place to ~~hide~~ hang out :OD
πŸ‘  
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@cecicastor · (edited)
$0.13
It is a curse when you get married, one side of the family always hates the new interloper into the family. That is if you are lucky. In my hubby's and my case, *both* sides hated the other. It made for very awkward family gatherings and heaven forbid if both sides had to be invited. It was like inviting the McCoys and the Hatfield's to a show down at the OK correl! "Get your 'munitions at door laddies!"
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Ouch thsat is awful! Our two tolerate each other but it isnt a burning friendship lol!
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@mcfarhat ·
$0.13
it's as if those comments you make are intended to get you that escape .. every single time .. makes one wonder lol
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
SSssshhhh, no one can ever know!!!!!
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@jcedwards ·
$0.06
I think I would have to invent a 'woman cave' and escape as well.  I'm really not good at family socializing, lol.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.06
You totally should. It's the way to do it!! Lol
πŸ‘  
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@jcedwards ·
$0.06
Mine would have a library, computer/writing area, reading chair, coffee maker and lots of Baileys!  LOL.  Actually that sounds pretty good to me.  :)
πŸ‘  
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@flashfiction ·
$0.13
>Well, everyone except for me that is. I have never been well received on that side of the family. I think I am seen as a grubby beggar who managed to lure the good lady away from the North and down to the big City.
>
And that is kinda true...

>Which is kinda true.

**MAN I AM SO AWESOOL!!!!**
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Lol, you are indeed!! :0)
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@bigskycustoms ·
$0.06
You are the man! Way to set her straight! Great story!
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, cheers mate!
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@broncofan99 ·
$0.06
Don’t we all have that Aunt the just goes too far??? Little book will be writing these stories when he is an adult about Auntie Crusty that squeezes his cheeks and always forced hugs. Hopefully he won’t have to speak of the flappy old dried vag!!  πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Yeah, there are some things I really hope he doesnt take after me in! lol
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@cjao20 ·
$0.06
Well @meesterboom, that's how women are with very good looking children like Little Boom ... I imagine that the good-looking thing is for the father ... Probably the Good Lady, it will get your attention because you were very hard with Kristy or Crusty, whatever, you have to apologize or clarify the comment of the paedo with cousin Kristy ... I'm thinking that maybe cousin Kristy, she stays a lot of days in your house taking advantage of your going to be in Edinburgh ... Good luck with her. Greetings.
![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZFgL6Ru884PoBsZyz3mToDkfBXcwNUX4rRHuKurFtiQK/image.png)
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, I will be coming back from Edinburgh at nights. It's not going to be too much inconvenience. But yes they can be quite funny over them!
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@afiqsejuk ·
$0.06
It looks like Crusty would want to kidnap Little Boom with these paedo chats. Be careful, meesterboom. Upvoted!
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
Always careful my friend!!
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@sandrina.life ·
$0.06
Dude, how do you know she wears grey bra and what's your elephant impersonation?
Ah! The good old days when I was forced to be with family people that I dislike! How I don't miss it :D
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.02
The elephant!! When you pull your pockets inside out of your trousers and open your flies and pull out your *lad* - It's like an elephant!

I assume they are grey because of the dried out old strap that is sometimes visible :OD
πŸ‘  
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@ryivhnn ·
$0.13
I feel sorry for people who don't get on with the outlaws, we all get on swimmingly with everyone over here XD (well aside from the batshit crazy aunty but that's another story altogether) Both sets of parents even get on well with each other!

And we are well known cannibals here too.  Babies and toddlers and even children routinely get their skulls omnomnommed, I have photographic evidence.  And a hilarious conversation that went along the lines of:

me: [noms on 9yo's head]
9yo: nuuuuuuuuuuu don't omnomnom my skull! :O
visiting 5yo: it's okay, my daddy omnomnoms my bwain all the time too.

Also, I'm pretty sure lusty means healthy.

LoL way to slaughter a conversation Boomy, sounds even more effective than the elephant impersonation XD

<center>[![goatsig](https://technonaturalist.net/sites/default/files/styles/sensible_display/public/art/2017/11/goatsig-t.png?itok=Ml3FDq7c)](/@ryivhnn)</center>
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom · (edited)
$0.03
I have a knack for slaughtering a conversation. Usually only with the in-less funnily enough ;0)

I may have to make amends! Yikes.

At least you have a crazy aunt. If only we just had one!
πŸ‘  
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@len.george ·
$0.06
you missed your chance, you should have let Crusty find the reason for the smell she was holding, with a bit of luck it would have spread a bit,
Of course, she would have offered to do the "New Nappie"  bit, and had the joy of the cleanup job.
Meanwhile you just keep casually looking at the roof, hoping that the smile ins't to noticeable.
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.05
Haha, yes indeed that would have worked out quite well!!!
πŸ‘  
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@len.george ·
$0.06
you gotta start thinking devious.
It will come with age.
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@jedau ·
$0.05
Haha I get the gobble and nibble, I'm the same way. People get weirded out when I tell them that I could just sit on their baby because it's so damned cute, like *I'm* the weird one. Jeez. What I don't get is the 10-year old marriage thing. How old does she think he would be after 10 years!? The North must be operating on a different level of math!
πŸ‘  
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@meesterboom ·
$0.05
Sitting on. Lol, that's mad too! Almost on the level of married when ten years older! She was just letting her mouth flap and say anything!
πŸ‘  
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@jedau ·
$0.05
At the sight such like The Mountain, it's terribly hard to contain oneself. Less than a year old and already a ladykiller.
πŸ‘  
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