![Fuck you screw](https://steemitimages.com/DQme1EpQHtDUwGVWzkyBjnK6cWqSzvyfwAjArbhoc4Yqbba/IMG_20170724_211828-01.jpeg)

Mark Twain once said, "When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers." He was not wrong. I was too tired to mention it last night, but fixing my bike didn't go as smoothly it could of.

There was some initial struggles with removing the tyre but sheer brute force sorted that. I rotated the tyre looking for the artifact that caused the issue. Finally I located a tiny shard of steel, it looked to be an opened staple and it had pierced through the Kevlar protection guard, I grabbed my needle nosed pliers and extracted it. Attempting to refit the tyre, I placed the new inner tube inside and forced it on to the wheel. I wrestled with it for a few minutes, opposite sides popping off as I worked my way around. Eventually I found the correct combination of movements, pumped it up and put the wheel back on, we were in business.

Whilst I was at it I decided to bleed the brakes because they had been feeling a little spongey lately. This is a process that I have done countless times and I am well versed in the procedure. I located the kit and the mineral oil and began to remove the bleed port screw. Obviously my confidence was misplaced, I fumbled just as the port screw had been completely unwound. This sent both the allen key and the screw flying in random directions.  The trouble was my eye only caught sight of the trajectory of then allen key, the screw had completely vanished from existence. It was as if the earth had swallowed it just to spite me.

Without this screw I was fucked, I couldn't cycle to work tomorrow, I would need to order a whole new lever just to get this one tiny part. After 20 minutes of searching on my hands and knees, I knew it was fruitless, it needed a fresh set of eyes. So I decided to enroll my lovely assistant, aka my beautiful wife, aka @katem. Both now on our hands and knees brandishing torches we went to work. It was like something out of CSI, desperately searching for clues as to its whereabouts. After ten minutes she questioned whether or not it could have gone through a crack in the deck. Yes I had stupidly been working on our deck.

![IMG_20170724_211729-01.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmQXTXXYKWFDySLTfha4tP4bnPe5yuuSqRWqsFoHd3PGeL/IMG_20170724_211729-01.jpeg)

I began to panic, what if she was right? Am I really going to have to rip up all of the decking? I decided to test her theory, I carefully removed the bolt from the other lever. With a death grip I lined it up along one of the cracks. Phew it wouldn't fit! A wave of relief washed over me, I knew it must be here somewhere above the deck. But where? It couldn't have been sucked in to another dimension...could it?

With the light fading fast, I was becoming desperate, my wife had given up eons ago. I was alone and cursing god for hating me so.

"Everything I touch seems to turn to shit, I am sure it is the family curse."

<center>![FFFFFUUUUUUUU](http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/091/984/ffffuuuu-o.gif)</center>

Stubborn to the last, I continued my desperate hunt. Looking, searching, cursing, looking searching, cursing, I was stuck in a perpetual loop until the light eventually died and my hope died along with it.

I went to put my bike in the shed and go inside and purchase a new lever. Picking it up I noticed a noise, something had fallen off and hit the deck. I immediately whipped out my torch, I was like a cowboy drawing his gun, shining it toward the ground.

There it was, the most beautiful screw I had ever seen! With a joyous expression plastered across my face, I placed it in its rightful home, it was a delightful experience to say the least.

But for now I was done, completely and utterly spent. I was forced to say, "Fuck it, I will bleed the brakes tomorrow." I wonder what joys lady luck will have in store for me then.