So, I'm on a 21-day meditation practise till the end of the month. Every morning between 7:30 and 8:30, we meditate with a Zoom group. Despite years of meditation, this is my first 21-day experience. We are on the 15th day as I write these sentences to you. Even I am surprised. For the world, but a major step for me.
I can't believe it because I couldn't do anything for 21 days. Even the concept itself caused a tremendous congestion. As I mature, my masculine energy, which has remained in me like a child due to my employment, finds a way to manifest itself.
[](https://www.medicalbag.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/19/2019/01/ocean-therapy.jpg)
In this point of my life, I want to do everything I couldn't do or didn't do because of my concerns as a child or young adult!
So I got a balancing board. A rollboard. "No, I can't even bother, what can you have fun with?" replied Gamze, a friend of mine. He used to say so because he was terrified of falling, even if it was small. He stated that because he lacked self-confidence. Others could, but not him. So no need to even attempt. And now I'm rewriting my lifelong self-talk!
“I want to learn music!” So, for example, I said. I found it while looking. It was new to me. But her voice was beautiful! I got it. I'll play by myself every day. I know Kalimba will teach me hard work, discipline, and perseverance. He will explain that nothing is perfect and that this is perfectly normal.
I started tennis, as I indicated previously. I've always feared balls, large and small! But now there's a great difference: in tennis, I go over that ball and hit it! Yet another modest step for humanity, but a big one for me.
I got cross-stitch supplies. I'm stumped. I've never used a needle or thread. No longer frightened to try. I can't. Nobody is perfect or successful at everything. I am like I was. Yes.
These are just a few of my new toys!
Since childhood, I've known that my fear walls kept me from doing anything. My fear walls, which I have no idea when or how they were created, but are incredibly solid.
I never went to gym class as a kid. I used to get stomachaches during lengthy workout classes. I was frightened of being disgraced in public because I thought I was inadequate. Oh, no! A child's primary need is mobility! How does a kid use his intellect without running or moving? How does it dispel mental fear tunnels?
I've had it all since I was a youngster. Nobody missed anything, and they provided too much. Despite all my chances, I now realise I was in my own mental prison until today. I kept building and strengthening the walls to keep myself in. I was a wonderful watchman in my glass mansion. What if I go out and anything happens to me?
Wait! Not my sentence! This is my father's sentence! That's my papa! Fear of not being able to act, not trying new things, not daring, or fear of embarrassing others; none of them belonged to me. My father's work. To the point where I mistook it for my own voice.
[](https://www.amyeisenstein.com/wpsys/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/overcoming-fear-key-better-fundraising-life.jpg)
The human infant is.. He imitates what he observes to comprehend life. You imitated it to comprehend it, Gamze. This is a big, bright door. Enjoy!
This is not a sin. My father chose to design such systems to live. He also knew. He made his way down this narrow and uninteresting road that I believed was mine. Yes, one can “comfortably” endure this way, but where is LIFE? He's nonexistent.
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