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After last episode my hopes were high. E.T. for Atari 2600 turned out not to be that bad of a game. I mean all things considered I enjoy playing it. The two games I played before it were worse but this game today, this is it. This is the worst game I've ever played for Positives so far. I have no idea why it's so bad. I mean the Sega CD is home to some really great games, some fantastic experiences but this here this is the worst. This is the worst game on the Sega CD bar none.  Tomcat Alley for the Sega CD. Let's find the positives.

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Tomcat Alley is a full motion video jet fighter combat game. Every single sequence in this entire game is video. Everything, even the moments where there is gameplay it’s just an interactive video. But unlike other games that give you some sense of control this one gives you nothing. There is no sense of interactivity and there's no training it just throws you straight into the mix. And because of that it is literally impossible to play unless you have a keen interest in torturing yourself by playing this game again and again and again until you figure out exactly what you need to do. And if you pick this game up without the manual in some flea market you better pray that somebody actually scanned this manual and put it online because unlike many other games you really need this. With E.T., even though the manual did explain what you were supposed to do, through trial and error you may actually figure it out yourself. With Tomcat Alley there is no chance. And the story well it doesn't fare any better. The madman Russian Colonel Alexi Povich has just flown off with two MiG squadrons, a couple of bombers, surface-to-air missiles and who knows wha-... it doesn't even matter what this story is about it's crap! And you know what if you're playing this game or if you played it in the past you know exactly what I'm talking about. If there's a story in here you're never going to know it because the gameplay on this game is unbelievably bad. I cannot even bring myself to describe the story to you just because I'm afraid that if I do that knowledge might sit in your head and eat away at your brain every single night. There are a lot of full-motion video games released on the Sega CD, a lot. And they're not all that bad. They are a little bit quirky in their own ways but this one oh my god it's like they didn't care. It's like they spent all the money on the video production and none of it, not a cent, on any of the gameplay. 

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I mean, I can't even think of what the first pos- oh okay okay I got a positive! Alright so this game has amazing looking sets, sorta. I mean it kind of looks like a ‘90s movie maybe like the Power Ranger set or something but at least it looks good visually in terms of style and production. For what it is it's a good looking video so positive number one is good looking video sequences.

<center>*1 Hour Passes*</center>

I can't think of what a second positive is. I've been sitting here trying to think and I can't. There's just there's nothing, nothing, nothing. The videos itself are not bad quality but the actual acting, the story all of that is just really weird. Keep in mind, unlike regular movies where there's a character, in this game you're the main character so people talk to the camera right at you acting like you're somebody in the universe. But that's one of the problems your character doesn't have a voice you don't even know what they look like. So you're pretty much just you in this weird ‘90s world of Top Gun wannabe ripoff that just sucks the soul out of you. Trying really hard here to figure out what what a second positive would be. I mean there isn't one is there? It's bad acting, I guess the music is okay. Yeah yeah the music in the game! Positive number two is the music for Tomcat Alley is good.

<center>*Another Hour Passes*</center>

I can't I just can't. This is amazing I can't find anything else on this game. It's like they just made a game that nobody cared about whatsoever. The gameplay in this game is very similar to an interactive DVD movie. Things happen and you click a button at specific moments. The difference between an interactive DVD movie and this is the fact that an interactive DVD movie gives you on-screen prompts. This one doesn't and if they do they don't explain what those are once again unless you read the manual. But the problem with that is the manual isn't descriptive enough to actually tell you what you're supposed to do. I've been locked on this first single mission forever and it's been so difficult to pass. Okay okay I have it! The third positive is this game uses one CD. Think about this, this is important all right? Just one disc. Now most of these games, the ones that used a lot of visuals and stuff, used two discs and that created a kind of slice in the gameplay so you got to a midway point where the game drastically changed getting to the second disc. Games like Double Switch and Night Trap they did this because they had two discs and needed you to switch. This one has one disc so if you manage to complete the unbelievably unplayable single-player mission you can do it without having to switch discs. So that's a thing.

<center>*Another 2 Hours Pass*</center>

I can't find a fourth positive. I mean, I've been playing the game off and on trying to figure out exactly what would be a positive for this game. But besides the three other things I mentioned, which by the way are real stretches, there's barely anything here so... ah okay okay here's the fourth! Positive number four is there's a sweepstakes thing on the back of the manual. “Use the card at the right to register your Sega CD software and get lots of cool stuff.” Now I imagine this card doesn't work anymore but if you had actually bought this game new, oh I'm so sorry, but if you did you could have had a chance to win a $1,000 music CD collection, you would have got a free subscription to Sega Visions which was their magazine that was coming out in the ‘90s, you would have got on a Hot-Wired mailing list thing from Sega where they would have sent you future Sega CD offers which would have lasted dramatically less than you would imagine and then there's a charter membership eligibility in their soon-to-be announced Sega CD owners club. Even the fourth positive is not that good because could you imagine what a Sega CD owners club would have been like? Six people and a dolphin.

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Never, ever, ever buy this game. The positives I listed are warnings of how bad the game is. If you ever come across it in the wild do everyone a favor. Set it on fire. Destroy it.

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