https://youtu.be/21j0vQ_WYoU
With the Wireless Air 60 I never assumed that any other company would ever want to replicate what that console did. I mean ripping off the EyeToy, the Kinect, that's such a stupid idea. And to make another console like that would be completely insane. But here we go again. This is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle branded plug-and-play video game system that takes everything the Wireless Air 60 was incredibly bad at doing and replicates it completely. Pretty much every single successful video game console utilizes a very sleek and compact design. They usually go for boxy looks and stuff like that and the reason why they do that is they don't want a lot of weird plastic bits sticking all over the place that might get broken during the shipping process or consumers breaking them when they get home. But the folks behind this console didn't care as you can see there are three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figurines right on the top of this system. Oh you're probably assuming that there are four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and you'd be right but see before I got the system at one point somebody broke one of these off and now we’re down a turtle which kind of sucks. And another thing that really sucks, if this system was originally designed for kids like I assume it was, this turtle here is holding a weapon outward and it's actually pretty sharp and pointy. If a kid got close enough they might knock his eye out. This is dumb.
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Okay so the console is a little bit weird looking and kind of poorly designed on the outside but that doesn't mean the games are going to be bad right? But would I really be covering it on this show if they were good? The full name of this console is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Way of the Warrior and this is based upon the 2003 television series and not the one from the ‘80s or even the movies. This whole thing is based upon a show I've never actually watched but what makes it even worse is it actually is just like the Wireless Air 60 only registering movement in front of the camera which gets even weirder when you get to the character select screen. *Why is there a character select screen?!* Why do I have to pick one of the four Turtles? This is a game where you don't see the character you're playing because you are the embodiment of that character moving on the screen. But the folks behind this console figured out a way. They stuck a transparent Turtle face in front of the camera lens so that while you're playing you have to look at that the entire time. I usually wouldn't care about stuff like this but this image annoys the heck out of me. There is no way for a human face to fit behind that image. Look you've got eyes and you've got a mouth and so do the Turtles but you also have a nose and the Turtles don't have that. So when you look at this image your face can't fit behind it so it ends up just looking really weird and I think the reason they even put the face there was to be a marker to make sure that you stood in that one place. It just doesn't work.
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Game one is called Fist of the Foot. The first game is your entry level motion game. You basically just have to hit a bunch of things coming at you and that's really all it is. Now see this is the problem I have. As you can see here it looks like I'm playing the game really well but unfortunately games like this don't really identify what's going on the screen one-to-one so the camera doesn't know that my head's my head or my hands are my hands. All it knows is that there's some pixels on the screen that are moving. So as long as you keep pixels moving on the screen in some very minor way it'll register all that movement as a hit no matter what. So as long as you’re always moving you'll never lose. Game two is called Mouser Attack. Wow we're on the second game and they're already copying mechanics. Mouser Attack is exactly like the last game. I mean sure the graphics have changed but beyond that the gameplay is exactly identical. The only difference really is that in the first game you had to defend your face from being hit by the Foot Clan but on this one well you have to defend the Turtles down there because apparently you can't untie them so that they can help you because that would be too interesting. I guess. Game three is called Splinter’s Dogo. Same game! Same game! Don't even try to make it look different because it isn't! You're just hitting boards now. They come from the same directions as the Mousers and the Foot Soldiers. *There's nothing different about this* You think by the third game they were at least going to try some kind of different gameplay mechanic but no it just plays the exact same way. And if you happen to miss the boards you lose health so the boards don't attack you now. That's what they've done. *That and only that!*
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On the top of this console you'll find two buttons. Pause button and a reset button. Now the reset button is very important because using the motion controls there's no way to actually go back to the main menu to select another game. With the reset button that's your only way to do it but unlike most reset buttons on a device like this that would take you right back to the main menu what this one does is it actually resets the entire system right to the boot screen. *So you know what that means?* At the very beginning when this console starts up there's some narrator telling you how to actually start up the system and use everything and then there's a whole credit sequence that comes up. It's not like two seconds it's actually pretty long and every time you switch a game it plays the same thing again and again and again! It's incredibly annoying but it's not as annoying as the pause button on this thing. You see most pause buttons are designed so that when you pause the game you can just walk away and you know stop the game in the exact moment that you're playing it in. But because the pause button on this system is directly under the lens whenever you go to push the pause button your hand actually goes in front of the camera and the camera thinks it's motion so everything just gets activated all at once. It's insane! Why put the pause button there?! There was no reason to do that and you know what if you do have this system and you need to pause the game for whatever reason you're better off not pausing it. Just walk away because no matter what happens your game is completely over.
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Game four is called Friend or Foe. It's game four and it's the exact same concept as the other games but they've changed something that made the gameplay a little bit different. Now Turtles show up and you're not supposed to hit the Turtles. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it's a massive change compared to the last three games that were virtually identical. Now on this one you're supposed to hit these enemies. Now unfortunately I have no idea who any of these enemies are because I've never actually watched this one specific series but I know they're not Turtles so it's very easy to know who you're supposed to hit and who you're not supposed to hit. And then to add a little bit of a turn on the gameplay they invert the camera making it a lot harder to know exactly where you need to move your hands. All this stuff started to get so much better and I was getting really excited and then it finished. That was it. This game takes a couple of minutes to beat and maybe not even that. I was so shocked with how short it was when it was just starting to get good. They almost had a good idea here but then they made it way too short of an experience. Game five is called Shredder Battle. Okay not only is this the fifth game but it's also the last game on this collection. That's right five games. Five games. *Five games on the entire console and this is the one they choose to leave it off with!* Now I'm thankful because this game isn't like the other games to have you waving your arms all over the place. This one is a 2D fighting game where you stand in one corner and awkwardly punch the air in front of you with your head tilted to look at the screen. In this game you fight Shredder. Of course you would. I mean that's the way it should work right? He should be the final boss for any Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game but this here is the massive problem I have. *This game sucks!* It doesn't even try to be good and maybe there was an idea here of something that could have worked a little bit better but just look at it. Look how boring this is. Look at the state of unenjoyment on my face. You can only punch Shredder in two locations his face and his chest. And he can block one or the other but he can't block both. So the way to beat this game is to do this little move right here where you punch at the exact same time at both locations. That's the only way to win at this game. That's it. It doesn't matter how difficult the game gets it's still very easy to beat them by doing this. If you use a pillow it doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter how fast you can punch as long as you're just moving the pillow constantly it registers it as motion and you totally win every single time. This game is just awful.
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But you know what the entire system is awful because none of the games are worth it. This entire piece of technology is just ripping off the EyeToy from Sony and that's all it really is. It doesn't even want to be anything more than this. But I think what really gets me angry is the fact that I know that they were selling this to kids and that's what really gets me. I remember once upon a time when I was a kid I picked up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES and I couldn't beat the game and it hurt because I felt like I was such a bad player and this thing here probably did the same thing to a bunch of kids back when it was released. I can only imagine the frustration and looks of anguish on those kids faces while they tried to play this horrible excuse for a game. You know what I think that missing turtle on the top of the system didn't fall off by accident or just fell off because it got hooked on something. I think that a kid took it and ripped it off from pure complete frustration of owning the system. So as you can see the system has a lot of really bad games on it but not only does it have bad games it also runs off of batteries. That's right this stupid system runs off batteries which normally I wouldn't care too much about because game systems that are plug-and-play usually don't seem to require that much energy but this one has a camera. And this camera I think needed more energy than what these batteries are capable of giving it because when I ran this system in my normal room with normal lighting conditions it really wasn't able to see me. So I took every single light in the studio put it behind the system and lit myself up and then I did it all in front of a white wall. That was the only way for this system to register the movement which was hilarious because I don't know how many people would go through that much just to get this stupid system to work. But I did and you know what else? When I went to actually go use this system there was a big problem. Just look at this, it's a big box with like a big bottom here where was I going to put this? This has to sit on top of my TV do you know how hard it was to get this to sit on top of a flat-screen TV?! I had to use clamps man. *Clamps!* When you were making the system did you not even think to test it out on anything. Oh sure the camera moves up just a little bit like that but unfortunately it doesn't look up far enough. This thing is just garbage and I can't believe they made it. Now look in the future if you're ever going to make another plug-and-play system for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise don't make motion games. Don't even invent your own games. Here's what you're going to do. Go take the arcade classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and get that into a plug-and-play format with four individual controllers. Make sure the emulation is one-to-one perfect and I promise you tons and tons of people will want to buy that. But what you created here was total garbage and it deserves a spot on this show.
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