Shifting the Blame
“Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.” Genesis 3:11-13
Regret says, “I’m sorry. I feel badly that I hurt you.” Sincere regret needs to stand alone. It should never be followed with “But . . .”
One husband told me, “My wife apologizes, then blames her actions on something I did to provoke her. Blaming me does little to make the apology sincere.” A wife said, “He apologized but then added that I was acting like a baby and that he had a right to do what he did. What kind of apology is that?” In my opinion, that is not an apology; it’s shifting blame.
Shifting blame is easy to do and dates back to the very first humans, Adam and Eve. In the above passage from Genesis 3, we clearly see both of them trying to absolve themselves of guilt. That’s not the mature and godly response—and in their case, God saw right through it and held both of them responsible.
When we shift the blame to the other person, we have moved from apology to attack. Blaming and attacking never lead to forgiveness and reconciliation. When you are apologizing, let “I’m sorry” stand alone. Don’t continue by making excuses, such as, “But if you had not yelled at me, I would not have done it.” Leave the buts out of your apology and take responsibility for your own actions.
Father, far too often I try to excuse my behavior by blaming it on something my spouse did first. Please forgive me. I know that’s immature. I need to take responsibility for my own actions. Please help me to apologize to people I’ve hurt.
(Source: from my friend's {@catietan} devotional materials)
Good morning my sweet and grateful steemit family, friends and fellow uloggers! This is another timely devo for me (yes, another husband and wife relationship example), but I can still learn from this in improving my relationship with my daughters. Although, I've been guilty of this ***"shifting blame***" years back when me and my husband still living under the same roof. But by God's grace I was able to do this, I mean to take responsibility of my action and not shifting the blame to him. Anyway, that was just not enough for him, yes, my best was not enough and so he did went on his own and the rest is history.
For now, my eldest seem to blame me for what had happened in our family. I can feel that and sense that as a mother because I know how she loved her dad. We had some serious arguments the past weeks which had caused me to pause back and yes, my MPS (myofascial pain syndrome) was triggered. I felt it last 4 days ago when I was in the office. I felt the pain but I need to endure it because I was at work.
But apologizing to my daughter triggers my pride so sometimes, I just blurt out the words ***"I'm sorry***" then no more. No follow up no nothing just that. Which is not supposed to be. I have also planned on attending the retreat but due to work schedule I missed that opportunity. For now, we are ok but then again after one or two days were back to being enemies, like Tom & Jerry. I don't like this and I really am not comfortable with our on and off arguments at times. I know I need to be responsible and to be mature enough to handle this because I am the mother and I need to show my daughter or to model it to her this devotion.
***"When we shift the blame to the other person, we have moved from apology to attack. Blaming and attacking never lead to forgiveness and reconciliation. When you are apologizing, let “I’m sorry” stand alone. Don’t continue by making excuses, such as, “But if you had not yelled at me, I would not have done it.” Leave the buts out of your apology and take responsibility for your own actions.***" Let us be reminded of these lines and I hope and pray that we will have the desire in our heart to also pray this prayer: ***"Father, far too often I try to excuse my behavior by blaming it on something my spouse did first. Please forgive me. I know that’s immature. I need to take responsibility for my own actions. Please help me to apologize to people I’ve hurt.***"
In JESUS' Name....Amen.
I am @sashley a.k.a. shirleynpenalosa, a recipient of God's love, mercy and grace. ❤️
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Have a blessed and rainy month of June 2018 everyone :-)❤️
I am forever grateful to God every day of my life for giving me everything that I need and praise Him all the more for not giving me everything I want. To God be all the honor, praise and glory ❤️ :-)
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@surpassinggoogle is such a generous person and has a very big heart for all of us here. Please support him as a witness by voting him at https://steemit.com/~witnesses and type in "steemgigs" at the first search box.
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If you want to give him witness voting decisions on your behalf, visit https://steemit.com/~witnesses again and type in "surpassinggoogle" in the second box as a proxy.
@paradise-found is a wonderful person, a very humble and generous encourager, let us also support him by voting and typing in "gratefulvibes" at the search box
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Other good witnesses to recommend:
@yabapmatt
@teamsteem
@jerrybanfield
@hr1
@acidyo
@blocktrades
@curie
@beanz
@rcarter.witness
@reggaemuffin
@arcange
They need our support
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