I'm going to set a couple of things straight today. Many may think that I don't like celebrities. I do like celebrities. Right now I'd like them to shut the fuck up. I don't like politicians. Hate would be too strong a word for the contempt I feel for all of them as a group. Right, left, or center. To me politics is basically two or more sets of morons standing staring at a complicated object. Some are to the right of it. Some are to the left of it and some are right in the middle of those two. None of them ever moves. They stay staring at the complex thing in front of them. Then they argue about what they see. Refusing to allow for the fact that others in a different place could be seeing the same thing from a different perspective. That in the end nobody is correct. They are all fucking selfish, self interested morons. Honestly if there were a pile of politicians burning in my back garden, my first thought would be whether they'd burn long enough to cook a nice steak, a few burgers and some sausages. I certainly wouldn't piss on them. Lighter fluid would be more my contribution to their dilemma. The situation would be entirely different if some celebrities were blazing in my back garden. I still wouldn't piss on them. I wouldn't pour lighter fluid on them either. I'd film it, then upload the footage to the internet. Hoping it would go viral. I might even do a commentary.
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(The copyright to this image is the property of Las Vegas Review-Journal.)
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While he'd been sitting under an oak tree in the heart of the English countryside, Scarlet had been exploring an ancient ruin with Kluke. It was a recurring dream of her's that had suddenly turned real. In the loosest sense of the word real. An idealized version of a deeply buried Inca temple. One that held secret knowledge. Their differing settings being a true indicator of their characters to some extent. His had been genteel and relaxed. Hers a set of increasingly difficult and dangerous puzzles. All for Kluke to deliver the exact same message. Find Trinity. Though probably not the character played by Carrie-Ann Moss in The Matrix Trilogy. Although given the imprecise nature of the quest. It couldn't be ruled out of course. The only difference, other than that major one, had been Kluke cautioning Scarlet not to go looking for Trinity. It would find her eventually.
"Yeah." Jake added. "He really didn't have to do that with me. Sooner or later I'll blunder into it."
"I got the impression that was pretty much how he found it. Did he tell you what his was?"
He had to think about that. It might not have been a direct allusion.
"Not that I can think of. Probably didn't want me dwelling on this. I'm a bit of a brooder. Things like that stick in my mind. Like I've always wanted to know what you were really doing when we first met properly."
"I was looking for you. Mainly I was getting as much information out of that reality as I could before it started to fall apart."
That still had holes.
"But aren't you still kind of Sharon? We'd already met."
"I couldn't be absolutely certain. Remember I'd thought Alain might be you. I wanted to check as far as I could. Once I got into your medical records I traced your life from birth by using all the computerized information they had on you."
"You still weren't certain after that were you?"
"I'd met several prospects in my search, when I was Sharon. It's amazing how common blundering, clueless idiots are. You and I set those lives up. It was vital for you to know nothing about your previous existences. You had to be a blank slate."
"That feels more familiar." He sighed contentedly.
"What do you mean?"
"You'd gone a whole fifteen minutes without insulting me. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable."
"That wasn't an insult. It was a statement of fact. I'm saving up my insults for later. We'll be in Galakhand in a few days. I've got a feeling I'll need a few."
"I wouldn't want you to run out. Is it okay if I say I love?"
"You just did. Bugger all I can do about it now."
They went to sleep eventually, Jake waking up when Scarlet disengaged herself from him. He watched her in the dim light of what passed for dawn out here. He tended to moan a lot. About everything. Yet here he was with, to him, the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Darkest brown hair and deep mahogany eyes. A body that looked as though it had been airbrushed. Yet he still whined and complained. Like almost everybody else he'd encountered on his own world. The phenomenon could be equally as common here, the privateer fraternity being more stoical than most. She left without a backward glance. Which might have seemed slightly callous, but firstly that was Scarlet and secondly they'd be seeing each other within the next hour. Then at least a dozen times during the day. He lay back on his bunk, reflecting on his good fortune. Then wondering what the hell Trinity would be this time.
After a good breakfast, he made his way down to his nerds. Finding Poppy closely watching the plant people. Studying their every move. Which he was fairly sure she'd done before. As he approached, she shushed him. They were working on their hybrid cross between their own glowing orbs and the plant of power. It appeared to be quite a complicated operation. The other things they'd done had been completed in hours. This was taking much longer. When they took a break, Poppy turned her attention to him.
"Have you named them yet?" He asked.
"Priscilla and Pettifer." The literal nerd responded with an air of bemusement. "I was sure you already knew that."
"No. I meant as the discoverer of this new life form. Isn't that one of the perks of being a scientist. You get to name the things you discover."
Her nose crinkled.
"I was going to. Then I thought I didn't really have the right to. They must have a name for themselves. Me appending mine to them is a bit wrong."
He could see what she meant. However Jake had to disagree.
"They communicate with smells and plant hormones. That's not going to translate well is it. How would you say it in Hispanglic? I thought you'd be just the person to come up with a cool name."
"How do you mean?"
"Well you're name is Poppy. That's a plant. Although I suppose strictly speaking it ought to be your last name. Whatever that is. You don't have to tell me. I'll forget it anyway. Unless it's really amusing one. Like Fartgargle. It's not is it?"
She gave him an old fashioned look this time. His infantile fascination with funny names went right past her.
"My full name is Poppy Elaine Sinclair. Do any of those tickle you."
He ignored that dig.
"There you go then. Pick one of those and come up with the name for a new species. I'm sure they wouldn't mind."
His nagging drew some results.
"I'll think about it. Right now I've got more on my mind. I'm trying to work out how they do what they do. They're manipulating matter and energy at the quantum level. That's something we can only do with a lot of the right equipment. If I can find out how they do it I thought Norbert and I could work out how to harness his new genetic make up."
At the mention of his name, Norbert cried out. Wailed, would have been a better word. The two of them ran to the hut. Before they even got there it was obvious there was a problem. There was a weird glow around the entrance. One that grew more intense the closer to Norbert they got. He was standing behind his desk arms outstretched. That white light sparkling all over his body and streaming off all his extremities. The fingers in particular.
"It's alright. Nothing harmful appears to be happening." The show piece explained. "I don't feel the slightest bit different. I'm running a scan. So far I'm not get anything. What I'm going to ask you now may seem like complete madness, but please humor me."
That was a line Jake might not be willing to cross. Norbert's definition of madness might not agree with his own. It could be several levels beyond madness.
"That depends on what you're going to ask." Jake replied. "If it's anything too off the wall or something I don't understand. I will not comply without consulting."
The scientist gathered himself. Summoning up all his courage.
"I want to go outside."
"No you don't." Jake and Poppy chorused simultaneously.
"I do." He countered. "I mean I'd rather not, but I have to. I need to discover whether this spectacle continues outside the confines of the hold."
Jake looked at Poppy. She looked at him. Both unsure how to continue. Both at a complete loss.
"How are we going to do this?" She asked.
Jake looked around. Who the hell was she asking? Nobody else there.
"I'm not your go to guy in these matters Pop's. I suppose I could threaten to shot him in the head. That might be a bit extreme though. Can you pump him full of something to calm him?"
"No." Norbert interjected. "That might affect the results. You could give me a sedative which would cause the effect to stop."
"Well have you got any suggestions?" They received a negative from Norbert. "The only thing I can think of is manhandling Poppy out of the hold. Then molesting her while she screams for help. Sorry Pop's." He nodded to her apologetically.
She shrugged.
"No Problem. That's all I could think of." There she paused, looking at Jake. "So it's definitely off the table then?"
"Definitely." He confirmed. "It's also off any surface you can name."
"Damn." Poppy lamented. "I expect using a stunner on him could affect the experiment as well."
"Oh it's experiment is it? Not being a scientific researcher I din't grasp that fact. Oh balls." He groaned.
He vaulted the desk landing beside Norbert. Grabbed him from behind. Wrapping both arms tightly around the nerd. Pinning his limbs to his side. Lifted him up bodily and started to carry him towards the door to the hut. Norbert started wailing and thrashing immediately. Trying to wriggle out of the embrace. It was hard work. Especially the bit where the scientist planted both his feet either side of the threshold. Poppy came to the rescue. Using all of her weight to shove those legs down. Then she wound a strap around them and took that end of the body.
"Oh this is really excellent." The agoraphobic yelled between screeches. "Help, help, help. Argh. Sorry my love. Didn't mean to kick you."
The glow continued. If anything it was becoming brighter. The closer they got to the exit to the hold, the brighter the light became. Until both he and Poppy had to avert their gazes. That didn't exactly speed the process up. The wriggling and writhing stopped. The glow receded. Once they were able to look again they found Norbert gazing at himself in wonder. The effect worked in the weirdness of The Never. Now that he had something to marvel at, the need to restrain him vanished. They set Norbert on his feet. Still holding him up. With a nod to one another his legs were unbound, while Jake released his bear hug.
"Well there you go. I'm not sure how much use this will be. I expect you Brainiac's will work something out. Right now all we know is that you don't need a lamp."
"Oh if only we had instruments that could measure this." The male nerd lamented.
"I think we should get you back now. Don't you?"
Poppy put her arm around the distracted experiment.
"What? Oh yes. If you'd be so kind."
It took a lot less work to return him to his lair. Jake on standby. In case the reality kicked in. They made it back without incident.
"Well it's been an experience." Jake declared. "Not one I'd like to repeat. So what's next? And can you do it when I'm not here please."
Poppy was cupping her chin. She glanced over at the garden Pettifer and Priscilla were working in.
"I've had an idea." She announced. "Maybe we should ask them to help. I think they might know what to do with this."
"Yeah? Well as long as you leave me out of it, until something really cool happens, I've got no objections." Norbert was still gazing at himself in wonder. "Is he going to be okay now?"
"Well as Scarlet would put it. he'll be happy as a pig in shit once he gets into this. Me I'm going to try to communicate an extremely complicated request to a life form I haven't thought of a name for yet. If it's alright I'll give training a miss for today."
"Of course. I think we've had enough of a workout today. I'll be back tomorrow. If you need me I'll be right outside. Recovering."