OVER THE SILVER SKY TO THE WORLD OF NEVER : Part 83 - I Am So Ready. by spunkpuppet

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· @spunkpuppet · (edited)
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OVER THE SILVER SKY TO THE WORLD OF NEVER : Part 83 - I Am So Ready.
Today I have arbitrarily decided to take a quick look at "Man's Best Friend" and at the end of the day isn't it all about men? Kind I mean, menkind or mankind if you want to get incredibly pedantic. I really mean men though. Who cares about a woman's best friend? It's just someone she moans about endlessly to her partner. Someone she spends all day with, followed by two hours talking on the phone about what they just did a short while ago. This is all about man's best friend: The Humble Beer. Anyone who thought I was writing about dogs is an idiot. A dog isn't your best friend. It's taking advantage of you. A dog takes a huge shit and makes you pick it up. How is that friendly? Particularly given that while it's watching you pick up its still warm crap, it's calling you its bitch. "Go on pick it up. That's right. I'm gonna shit in your shoe tonight while you're asleep. And if you're lucky it will hump your leg loser." The Beer doesn't do that. It makes you feel good about yourself. It makes you believe you're handsome and successful. It gives you the false impression that women find you attractive and erudite. The only shit you'll be clearing up after a beer is your own. With the added bonus of some piss and vomit if you get really friendly with your best friend. It won't judge you the next day. It won't tell you about all the stupid, idiotic, unsociable, embarrassing things you did either. Beer does its level best to make you forget how big a cunt you were last night. So let's salute MAN'S BEST FRIEND : The lovely noble beer.
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![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmSZxNXRDxyDa1ucyDjymYm6BCRVHQZ3jXJFwfbrSSPFQq/image.png)
(The copyright to this image is the property of Mashable.)

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Jake Halliday issued forth from the Mermaid's Pussy a cloud of smoke and debris chasing after him. Not that he thought of it that way. He'd come out of that door at least fifty times so far. To him it was the tavern and would remain so. Until something changed his mind. That was the type of guy he was now.

"Time?" He asked Hermes brusquely.
"Two minutes forty two seconds give or take." The AI responded promptly.
"We're not getting that time down are we. What's the best so far?"
"Two minutes thirty. That was with a much lower difficulty setting to be fair. You're also using a lot fewer rounds. That's critical with the special loads we made up. We can't ask them to kindly wait while we rustle up a few more."
Jake took off his hat and mopped his sweating face.
"What settings are we on anyway."
"They're all maxed out. Have been for the last four run through's."
"What do you think?"
"I think we can shave at least five seconds off with a few more practice runs. I'm also wondering what the hell has happened to you. You've been acting competent ever since we stepped into this place last night. That's not like you at all. Are you going to put that down to satori as well?"
He put his hat back on with a wry smile.
"Do you know what? I'm now going to say something which I'm really going to enjoy. When we first stepped through into this simulation last night I ended up somewhere else. Ended up in the nodal reference center."
Jake chuckled as he felt Hermes revulsion.
"Even the mention of that place makes me shudder. God knows how long I spent there. I know it was pretty much instantaneous from me being deposited there to getting back with you but somehow it feels like a billion years. So what did you get up to then?"
This was the bit Jake had been looking forward to with relish.
"Let's just say I'm now this planets leading authority on the Ashenram."
"And?" Hermes asked encouragingly.
"I can't tell you more than that. It would alter the narrative and screw with causality and time lines"
"You bastard." Hermes exploded indignantly. "I suppose I deserve it though. Did it feel good?"
"Even better than I thought it would. Let's reset and give it another go."
Hermes wasn't so sure.
"I think you could do with a rest. You've been at this for eight hours."
"Aw mum. I don't wanna go to bed." Jake wheedled playfully. "Time is of the essence here. I want to get this down to as close to two minutes thirty as I possibly can."
"Why?"
"I can't tell you. A lot of what I found out in the Nodal Reference Center is from the future. If not here then somewhere else. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to take a break though. Clear my head and take a fresh look at the situation. I would have liked to have had a word with Daisy. That's not feasible right now. I don't even know if I'll see her on the actual mission. I hope I do. I have a feeling she's the back up."
"In what sense?" The AI inquired.
"If we fuck up she'll make sure it isn't 100% fatal for everyone else involved. What I learned gave me an idea."
"Oh no." Hermes lamented. "What have I told you about those? You're really not built for having them."
"What can I say? I'm a fool to myself." He sat down on one of the wooden benches outside the tavern. "So have you thought up what your famous last words are going to be?"
"What? So you can steal them you mean. Who's going to hear my last words anyway?"
"I will. I hope. You're right though. So far the best I've come up with is; It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. I know I've ripped off Charles Dickens Tale of Two Cities, but no one here will know that. What do you think?"
"It's a bit long isn't it? How long are you expecting to take to die?"
"I was hoping you'd keep me going long enough to get that out."
"So you want a long lingering death instead of a short painless one."
"Good point. I suppose famous last words are a bit shit aren't they. The best ones are by people lying on their death beds suffering untold agony. The stupidest last words are always from people who then die instantly. They were actually better off. I really do need to take another look at this don't I."
"Preaching to the choir. You still sticking to that schedule you set?"
He leaned back on the bench sticking his legs out and crossing them at the ankles.
"That I am. I'm going to close my eyes now. Not sleeping. Thinking."

Having absolutely nothing to lose can give someone an enormous sense of freedom. With nothing to protect or preserve there is no need to hold back. Not than anyone could give 110% of anything, but this would be about the closest you could get to 100% effort. That famous last words thing was a game between him and his best friend. No one was likely to hear either of them. This wasn't going to be death or glory. The options were death and failure. The death wasn't going to be optional. They'd be working under a huge handicap from the moment they went in. They both knew it. They simply didn't talk about it. The translator bud in his ear vibrated. He'd forgotten about that thing since shortly after Pip gave it to him. Jake pressed his fingers to his ear. Though there was absolutely no need to.

"Grundel Spagthorpe here." The man machine announced unnecessarily. "I need you here immediately. There has been a serious development. The elevator has been dispatched."
Before the sentence ended the clear tube was there beside him.
"Once more into the breach dear friend?" Jake intoned as he stood and entered it.
"Now that's not bad. I don't think you've altered it enough to avoid copyright issues though." His internal guardian quipped.
"It's Shakespeare. What the fuck is he going to do about it?"
"I think I'm getting to like this new you. It's more like the old you, I once knew."
"Son of a bitch." Jake huffed jokingly. "I come up with my first decent one liner and you stick an ace on it with that."

The elevator ride was short and sweet. Jake staring out over the city for the first time. The last time to. No one here would know what he was about to do, even after he did it. He wouldn't be the first to do something like this for no recognition. He wouldn't be the last either. Grundel looked very pale as he waved Jake to a chair. Standing up from behind his desk he approached.

"There's no time to explain. Pip has been exposed and captured."
He gestured in the air. A large screen appeared on the wall. Jean-Pierre grinned at them.
"So. The Wanderer has returned." He drawled. "I have heard a lot about you from my thrall's. As well as this one." Doxy dragged a struggling bound and gagged Pip into view. "I know you can open up the ship for me so.."
"Hold on." Jake slouched in his chair. Placing his hands behind his head. "We haven't seen each other for ages and you get straight down to business. How have you been JP?" The Ashenram winced. "How are they hanging? The old balls I mean. What have you been up to since we last met? I've been real busy. A bit of this and a bit of that. None of the other though. That's an idiom back where I come from. It's a bit rude. It means sexual intercourse." The Ashenram opened it's mouth. "Shut the fuck up. Don't interrupt. I'm talking here. I knew you were a piece of shit the first time I saw you JP." The Frenchman looked angry now. "You don't like me do you. I can't be controlled. That makes me dangerous to you and all the other cowardly specks of shit you call family. Now you're going to ask me for something. You want to demand it. Only if you try I'm going to cut you off. I want you to get down on your knees and beg me to open up the ship for you. Then at the end you're going to thank me for listening to your pathetic bleating. And if I feel really, really sorry for you I might even do what you beg me to do. I'm not promising anything. I've scrapped better than you off my boots. Now I'm feeling extremely generous towards you due to your complete lack of a spine. I'll give you ten seconds to get down there on the floor and plead your case. The time starts now."
The Ashenram back handed Pip sending her crashing to the floor. Grundel gasped in dismay then returned to staring at Jake in horrified disbelief
"You do not tell me what to do. This one will be killed if you..."
"Sorry. You're gabbling there. Calm yourself down a bit JP. You're looking very tense for some reason. You see what you're failing to grasp is that I don't give a shit. I'm fine right here thanks." The automaton spluttered, unable to understand why Jake wasn't listening. "Now in your best, most subservient, voice beg me for my help. You've got eight seconds left JP. Do your best."
"If you do not open the ship in twe.."
Jake pulled out his shotgun. Sending an explosive round through the screen which flickered and died.
"What on earth do you think you're doing?" Grundel groaned forlornly.
Jake stood up, holstering his weapon.
"I'm going straight to Port Bristol, where I intend to fuck him up in ways you can't even imagine. Is Daisy still in position?"
The machine consciousness in human form still looked mightily disgruntled.
"Yes. I can't tell you where..."
"Tell her to get her beautiful ass over to the tavern as soon as she can. I'm going to need her help."
Grundel spun away distressed.
"You're assuming..."
"No I'm telling you to get her to the tavern. I don't give a flying fuck how you do it. Just get her there asap. She'll know when it's safe to do so believe me. Now we're off."
"Wait, wait, wait. You can't. This could destroy everything. There is a complication you need to know of."
"Do you mean the fact I can't kill people indiscriminately? Hermes and I already worked that out. If those people die, even temporarily, the timeline will be completely ruined. I have to keep as many of them alive as possible in order not to screw up the narrative. There's also Pip to consider. She's quite fond of some of them. We'll be careful I promise. Now stop dicking about."
As he entered the code into his wrist device Hermes cut in.
"I think I've come up with a way to cut our time by at least five seconds."
"Nice work Hermes. I've also had some thoughts. I think it's time I called up a very unpleasant acquaintance of ours for a little chat. All I need you to do is work out how I contact them. You ready?"
"Fuck yeah. I am so ready."
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vote details (1)
@delishtreats ·
I hope JP didn't hurt Pip after Jack shot the screen. I guess I would have to read anther 82 parts of the story to completely understand the concept, right? :) Right now I can just say that I hope Jack will kick JP's ass :D

Cheers to the man's Best Friend with the man's Best Friend. I hope you won't get too sick tonight because of your best friend :D
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