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Above all, I would like to make it clear that I am one of the arch-enemies of the idea of ​​taking out the geniuses within me, And the preparation of optimism from nothingness as necromancy, and never believing that knowing the calamities of others reduces my feelings about my misfortunes.
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### Disclaimer
<div class="phishy">After this essential introduction, I write here today my simple personal experience of getting out of the depression well where I sat for a long time. Being not a psychologist, I can not consider what I write here as a scientific solution or a magic recipe, as much as it is a personal experience that may benefit someone whose circumstances are similar to mine it may not benefit him either, but I find it necessary to publish them for myself first before anything else
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This wave of depression began about four years ago, and of course preceded by other waves, but this was the heaviest and longest. In order to avoid falling into the trap of sympathy and personalize, I will not give personal details of what led me into this crisis, but I can say in general that it started with a loss similar to the losses that people are exposed to in their lives. The loss was great and somewhat treacherous, but it was not enough to ruin me. I said to myself that man must continue, and the gain here is equivalent to the loss there and so on the sentences that we forget ourselves to complete the march of our lives. I was already on my way, but with another problem I realized the extent of the internal bleeding caused by my first loss. My immunity to pain was greatly damaged and anger grew in me in a way I could not imagine, so things went back like dominoes. He was pulling me out of my full stump, and as a drug. I began to walk in life with frowning eyes, exhausted my patience and nervous day after day, until that moment came when I broke a small straw in my back, and found myself sitting silent on the ground I stare with all my heart and indifference in the joints of my life collapsing detailed after another, Losing even the desire to rescue what can be rescued

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The psychological effects of course were very deep, isolation, endless anger, overwhelming feeling of grievance, deep hatred of all humanity, and other thoughts that filled me so that I could not think of anything else. Despite my outward appearance, thousands of voices and questions I was constantly hesitant inwardly, reducing my contact with people to a minimum. Eventually, things became so impossible that I could not have a conversation for more than a minute with anyone, unable to hear a single word, and if the other person insisted on saying it exploded in his face. Life is very heavy, as if I were swimming in a sticky pool of tar, not to mention, of course, of the constant attempts to escape from the world by sleeping during the day and night,

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If I may describe what happened to me at the time, I would say that I was actually falling into a deep well, but not seen by others. A deep dark well with smooth cylindrical walls and impossible to get out of. It is no use trying to climb the walls. This was the hardest thing for me as a depressed person. Others do not see that well and they say to you with all innocence: Stand up, move, leave everything behind you. . But you know that you are imprisoned inside that well, and it is true that your muscles are healthy and can move, but there is no point in trying, and that is the dilemma. People think that you can go out, but you know you can not, your motivation for life has died, this invisible thing inside you has died and you can not control it even if everyone around you thinks otherwise

I knew what I did not want, but I do not know what I want, just waiting for the dark and the rush of the days without any vision of what I'm waiting for tomorrow, and my family was deeply affected by this, but I was in complete blindness For that, I think of my sorrow only with no way out

I spent that night sitting on the balcony of my house smoking and thinking about what was happening. I saw a nice video of a lord of a family who was very happy with his children and his wife, a very ordinary video. I watched a lot of them before, but for some reason I replayed the video more than once and started to ask myself: To be such a father? Who robbed me and my children of the right to live such fun and enjoyable moments? Only here did everything change and answers began to flow in my head like a river

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Because I discovered then that depression - in essence - is a victory for the values ​​of evil on the values ​​of good, in the sense that when I shifted my life and life around me to the tension and anxiety, I have actually approved or surrendered to the fact that those who have won me, That great loss, but they deprived me of my basic right to live a life full of pleasure and joy, a privilege I never had to overcome, neither myself nor my family, even if I lost everything.

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I did not change my convictions about those who poisoned my life. I still hate them in the same amount, but I am convinced that the losses happen. This is a concept. These are the feelings we express about ourselves in gain and loss; joy and sorrow. But whatever the loss is large and lasting, grief must remain a temporary feeling; But to extend the line of grief on his integrity as something eternal eternal, and turn it into a blanket cover my life by claiming that I was hurt, this is a victory for my enemies , and rob my sacred right to be happy and right around me of course to live their days happily, and this is the most important fact Man must be aware of himself: happiness is not a luxury, it is a right and a sacred right, this is the door to exit


Stayed to say. The most important thing in describing depression as a well and it is very difficult to get out of it without help, it is difficult for a person to come out of a well unless you give him a hand or a small rope at least, there must be in your life someone who is happy to see your smile once Other. The existence of this person is essential and necessary in the stage of healing because the cure of depression is not at once, the removal of all this anger is not at once, healing is not a station interrupted by the human and ends, not an idea put in the bank of his mind and then live on the benefits, healing Depression is at least a daily battle until that invisible part of our interior is cured, and we can form ourselves again

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In the end, this is my personal experience. These are the convictions and ideas that have eluded me. I sometimes wonder why I knew some of these ideas in advance. Why did it take all this time to believe in their usefulness? A voice in me says, "We often do not believe the idea at the very moment we hear it. It is there and is in our brains but something prevents us from believing in it despite its integrity. It is like a metal piece trying to settle in place, but something prevent them from doing so, and at some point; disappears that inhibitor to drop the idea with all its weight in the space allocated to it, for this I wrote this article

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<sub>*Best regards, ✍
M'ssieu Abdo*</sub>

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