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<center>**daymare**</center>

it’s that feeling
the one where your stomach twists
and the the saliva in your mouth turns sour
and your breath is hard to grasp
and the floor underneath you falls away

when hysterical laughter bubbles up from your throat but your eyes sting with tears and you can’t tell if you’re going to laugh or cry

you know the one

where your heart is hammering away
inside of your chest
so rapidly and loud
that you swear
it can be heard
for miles around
that everyone in the room is staring at you
with disgust and pity and mistrust and relief
because 
better it’s you than them
with your feet in the fire 
and your hands tied to the stake
with nowhere to run 
even if you could still crawl

it’s the mantra
being chanted
23 hours a day
ringing in your head
and you just can’t make it stop
stop stop
and people say things like

just relax take a deep breath don’t think so much you’re overdoing it just calm down it’s not that bad you’re overreacting why can’t you just be normal, damn?

it’s when the sun comes up
and your bed is
the safest place to hide
from the monsters
that roam the day

12 March 2018

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