Fighting For Balance #Reflections by tezmel

hive-161155 · @tezmel · Feb 10 '20

$1.23

Fighting For Balance #Reflections

When I feel overwhelmed, I sort of struggle between choosing writing to be a healing path or not. The urgency to pick up a pen or a keyboard tackles my undecided ego before getting there. I wonder why it's so very hard to do this often. Especially as a growing scribe.

When ink wins over the ego, my inner critic comes to life. As soon as I start punching sentences on a keyboard or line up my thoughts on a blank paper, the urge to hit delete (especially when the piece is personal) creeps over my writing persona.

I cringe over the many grammatical errors I would make and worry that whatever I am sharing isn't either interesting enough to share or wonder who would even bother reading such.

Yet. Writing has been healing.

And so has parenthood with all it's perks.

This one requires me to balance insurmountable love and discipline. It requires me to befriend teenagers who are not really interested in a lot I get paranoid over like Google and YouTube. I have to sit on my fears and allow people I want to protect with my life live their lives.

If that is achievable, it will help me live a better life.

But will it?

When I have so many secrets to keep and fake being an open book. Secrets that are holding my past hostage and threatening to leak into my future as it unfolds. How much is ENOUGH to let out I keep wondering? Why is it so hard to know?

Also, how much should I be knowing?

I feel like I don't know much about a whole lot. Like I have only digested whatever keeps me aware but I am yet to learn loads. The question remains how do I acquire this knowledge without sacrificing what I love. Or have. Time can never be enough unless we force it to be.

And I am in full know that we can't force everything. Like love, writing, good parenting and such. These ones one has to want to cultivate on. Whatever it is really... there has to be the will to do and achieve.

[![balance-1372677-1280.jpg](https://i.postimg.cc/2866Vt3Y/balance-1372677-1280.jpg)](https://postimg.cc/4nDZ0Bz2)
<center>By [Alexandra_Koch](https://pixabay.com/photos/balance-stones-meditation-zen-1372677/) from Pixabay.</center>

👍 adsup, whatsup, ruth-girl, katharsisdrill, mammasitta, palikari123, coinmarketcal, felt.buzz, not-a-bird, trailreward, edb, steemfeed, mfblack, freebornsociety, bennettitalia, stuffbyspencer, r00k13, l00k13, techken, p00k13, marlians.ccc, lastditch, gpcx86, onelovesteem, isaria-ccc, michellpiala, exe8422, felt.buzz.pal, brendanweinhold, cn-leo, laissez-faire, stmdev, haxxdump, putu.creative, tonimontana.leo, mindtrap-leo, raise-me-up

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properties (23)vote details (37)

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marlians.ccc	1,136,556,332	69%
tonimontana.leo	0	0.54%
isaria-ccc	938,185,220	25%
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