So I'm currently on a summer break right now, resting at home, doing homework, catching up with friends and spending time with family. Oh! And lots and lots of cleaning. Deep cleaning, spring cleaning, whatever you wanna call it (it literally feels like we're preparing for Chinese New Year, lol!) just because everyone, including my sister is back here in Sabah now. Have always wanted to try living minimalist, but I guess I just wasn't made for that. 

Anyways, was also very glad to catch up with many close friends in Kuala Lumpur, where good food, great company and deep conversations were made. A big chunk of what was shared were the many lessons I've learned during my 9 months in BSSM (Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry) in Redding, California. There were lot's of unlearning and learning to do. Unlearning false doctrines, negative mindsets and wrong perspectives whilst learning what healthy community, connection and leadership looks like. It was an intense but super worth it phase of my life. And I can't wait to go back for second year in September! 

One dear friend who was a major part of my journey to BSSM has been and is still cheering me on. Teaching me ways to fund raise, document what I've learned in written form and constantly challenging me to give God my best. In the midst of our conversation, I told him that sometimes I still wonder what I'm doing with my life, compared to all my friends who are in the same age range with me. They've all gone to have job promotions, salary increments and substantial savings while here I am, back in school all over again. Fully my choice though. And he said something that stayed with me. He just said, "I'll do what I do best, and you do what you do best. And ever since I've met you, we could all see that you did have a flare for ministry and stuff like that. So don't doubt yourself. Anyways, if you were going to study business in America, I wouldn't have donated to you." I guess having such honest friends who will push you to fulfill your destiny  are so priceless and I'm so grateful that I have a couple of them. 

***"I'll do what I do best, and you do what you do best."*** It made me realize that I wasn't born to live someone else's journey neither fulfill the dreams of my family. I was wired a certain way and by original design, made for something different from everyone else.  It also reminded me of what another friend said about living out our passions and finding a suitable job that "fits". Do different things and then identify what makes you feel the most alive and then tell God you wanna do that for the rest of your life. Easier said than done, but God is a God of "so much more" and He WILL open doors. It's whether we on our parts, believe that our passions, dreams and goals are truly worth it or not. 

Just visited a friend in a hospital yesterday, and just the hospital's atmosphere and stench made me feel so grateful that I wasn't a doctor. Even more so, I felt so much appreciation and admiration for all who were called to be doctors and fulfilled their callings. Even if I forced myself to be one or if my family wanted me to do it, I doubt I would have been a good one cos that's just not me. I'm more creative. Love writing, hate math. But if there were too much me in this world, we wouldn't have enough engineers in the world, and without engineers, there wouldn't be enough planes for us to fly across the world, fulfilling the dreams we were made for! Oh what a nightmare that would be! 

I guess what I'm trying to say is we were all born to do different things in this world. Be it as an intellectual or creative, or even both at the same time, we need to find what sets our hearts on fire and pursue it wholeheartedly. No point living life less than the fullest potential we were created for. If Justin Bieber wasn't found on the internet and did not end up writing songs and sharing his talent with the world, what a catastrophe it would be. He has his ups and downs but who doesn't. It's just that the price he has to pay for what he does is way bigger than most of us, and we've all seen him grown, and now even as someone's whose engaged, I'm seeing that he's maturing and using his platform for good. Hoping to set a good example of what a covenant marriage should look like, especially for his younger siblings.

At the end of day, it lies in ourselves. Deep down, we all know what we were born to do and have the innate desire to do it. It could be shame, insecurities, doubt or even the negative remarks made from loved ones that are hindering us to pursue our dreams. It all goes back to PURPOSE. What I was put on this earth for and how I'm gonna see that through. It's not rocket science. Whether it's through the Myers- Briggs or Enneagram or any of the personality tests out there, there are so many ways to find what we were wired for. Good honest friends really helps too because they know you and are able to speak into places in you, you don't even allow yourself access to. 

So go.... dream, hope and believe in yourself. For I'm a testament of it. Because one friend believed in me and my dream to go to the States for ministry school despite having no money, I've come back a changed and transformed person. And others can see that and wanna hear more. I realized that doing my best is also for the sake of the world.

And so, for the sake of the world, will you *do what you do best?* Because no one in this world, can do that better than you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bz57bhNb9ww

"The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky