When something pops up in my life, I usually ask the question “How did that get there?”  I can usually trace it back to how I’ve been thinking or feeling recently.  Sometimes it comes from something that’s been brewing for much longer, a deep desire or insistence on something.  Often times it’s a cocktail of different desires and actions that all came together to attract an event or a new road which opens up.  

Insisting on community for so long, when I see an opportunity to connect with a community, I take it without a second thought.  An opportunity to make money doing what I love freely (steemit), hell yeah, I’ll take that.  Some other things that pop up aren’t such clear choices.  Should those opportunities be avoided or explored? 

![87D38B29-9059-4E51-8BD2-E218D691F141.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZ5Aswu7uZwX94gK3ppXn136K3rxBqXxd3FsN1ehXNi21/87D38B29-9059-4E51-8BD2-E218D691F141.jpeg)
[is he truly happy?  Or is he dead inside?  Only pexels knows](https://images.pexels.com/photos/927451/pexels-photo-927451.jpeg?dl&fit=crop&crop=entropy&w=640&h=426)

 I had an opportunity to open a studio around a year and a half ago but it ended up setting us way back financially and because of some things out of our control, we were not allowed to hold events or keep the studio open to the public at night during the 8 months we were open.  We had a few really awesome nights and lots of time and space to get ourselves moving in a new direction, but in a lot of ways, we weren’t ready for what we were trying to accomplish with it.  Was it a waste of time?  Certainly not.  But it was kind of a scenic view towards our goals.

We learn through contrast, and sometimes we subconsciously attract this contrast into our lives in order to give ourselves an opportunity to rise to the challenge.  Of course, there is no need to spend all of our time playing around in contrast if we are capable of extracting it’s purpose for finding us.

Just as my dream to become self-sustainable as a full time steemian is within reach, someone offered me a translation job.  Unlike the last job offer someone came at me with, which offered an insane amount of money to pack my bags and move somewhere I had no desire to go to rejoin the 9-5, this is a part time freelance gig that technically I could put down at any moment.  I enjoy translation work sometimes because it gives me a chance to level up with my language skills.  

Do I really want to have this responsibility though?  If I take it I’ll have to spend 3-4 hours a day doing work that I may not always feel like doing, which will be frustrating compared to the freedom I have now.  It could potentially take from some of the time and energy that I was spending on steemit and with leveling up on guitar.  I’m also worried my level isn’t going to be high enough and it’ll end up being much more stressful work than it is for the friend who recommended me for the job.

On the other hand , it may motivate me to keep moving so I don’t get in those bouts of laziness where I want to do three different things but getting up to decide which one doesn’t feel as good as just laying in bed.  It will ensure that I don’t have to take out my crypto savings very soon which means I may be set to win big in December if that happens, which would mean I could travel to meet some of you guys and go back to Japan sooner rather than later.  It’ll most certainly help with my language ability which is a plus, and it may end up being a pretty pleasant long-term gig if it isn’t too difficult.  I would love to be fully free to move around whenever I please and this could make it much easier and take the pressure off for me to cash out some SBD when things get rough so I can keep saving for my big dreams of opening up a reopening a studio/community space and relocating.

So is it just a detour which will merely provide more contrast and encourage me to double down on my incistence on NOT doing any kind of formal work ever, or will it fit into my life just perfectly and enhance my life?  I guess I will have to just see.  Is this a manifestation of that old fear of "lack" or one of that deep desire for abundance.  To some extent, it's probably both.  Trying to stay optimistic!


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![IMG_1406.JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmeh5hh7vBLYRzGE89xRmkUgDypmTvQ2yNbxgD8ZdEZoo4/IMG_1406.JPG)



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### [Confessions of the Damaged](https://www.patreon.com/thetree123)  - a collection of short stories
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![U5drTgnBQ2qzxT9o1kcF5PmjeLSEKi1_1680x8400.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbtvoZDCPaveDPBNAmH25KsLx3GzPbngU8FNJXN9FprQx/U5drTgnBQ2qzxT9o1kcF5PmjeLSEKi1_1680x8400.jpg)
by @skyleap