*"If only I had done so-and-so..."*
Regret is a pretty common feeling, as part of the overall human experience. And there's nothing wrong with that: The fact that we experience regret keeps us in touch with our decision making skills and hopefully makes us smarter.
However, regret can also become a *"burden,"* in a similar sense to the burdens I mentioned in **[the previous post](https://steemit.com/hive-185836/@whitelightxpress/towards-the-balanced-life-examining-the-burdens-we-agree-to-carry)**. And that burden can become unbearably heavy if it relates to something *large and terminal* in our lives.
*"Now my mother is dead; if only I had spent more time with her!"*
*"I have never been in love since Susie in college; if only I had asked her to marry me!"*
Now, we all have these feelings from time to time, but the *"trouble"* arises when we allow them to become a permanent backdrop against which we can never seem to truly enjoy all the beauty and joy of the present moment.
## *Living in an Imagined World*
The *deeper* problem of those large regrets from the past is that they rely heavily *on an imaginary world,* in order to take on an almost *mystical* energy.
We don't actually *know* how life would have been, had we married Susie — we are depending *entirely* on a projection of the outcome, created by our imagination. In the *"real"* world, six months of dating bliss is *not the same* as a 20-year marriage. For all we know, Susie could have turned into an insufferable wailing banshee after three years... we just don't *know.*
Then, when we bring our imagined life forward to the present day, when we reject *"Jennifer"* because she just doesn't measure up, compared to (imaginary) Susie, we are actually *responding to a MEMORY,* rather than to what is actually right in front of our faces.
In consulting with 100's of clients over the years, I have seen just how often we *subtly* engage in this sort of emotional pattern this in many aspects of our lives, from failing to take jobs, start relationships, make friends and take up activities that — *in our imagination* — can never live up to our imagined standard, and so we miss out on a whole lot of beautiful experiences for little reason at all.
Sometimes, we must pause to take objective inventory of our *"beliefs"* about past events and recognize that we are giving something we have no ability to change a *lot* of power over our current lives.
Healing begins with the *realization* that we *have* these very authentic regrets, honoring that they are *very real,* and then allowing them to exist only as what they are: *pieces of our past history,* rather than active ingredients in our lives in this moment.
Thanks for reading, and Bright Blessings to all!
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