When we use the words "I vs. you" it usually means that one party is right and the other is wrong. They believe in what they believe and do not want to look like the other person. Instead of trying to figure out who is right they believe in terms of what is right and that is how they are feeling. It is more important to them in terms of what is right then to convince another person that it is the right thing to do.
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This seems to be what all people are taught when they were growing up, but is it really? The truth of the matter is that there are always winners and losers in life. Everyone has an opportunity to win some and lose some, while everyone has some things they would like to change about themselves that would make them feel better. We just choose to focus on the things we don't like about ourselves instead of looking at all the good things we have to give and take.
So when you are choosing to use the word "you" in a conversation do not automatically assume that it is about a person's abilities or skills. If you are not careful you will get the wrong impression. Instead you should ask yourself what the person's motivation is for using that word. When you do this it will become clearer as to who you are talking to and whether or not you would like to work with that person. If you take the time to think about this and find out what the person's motivations are it will not be hard to accept the other person's perspective.
Another reason that many people are afraid to ask questions is that they are afraid to be judged by the other person. This can be a valid reason when a person is in a social setting such as a job interview. However when you are talking to another human being the need for self-preservation becomes the first priority. That is the real question you should be asking instead of trying to determine who is who.
Instead of trying to determine who is who you should also ask yourself if you can imagine yourself doing or saying the same things. You might be surprised how much that simple phrase can say about you. For example if you were asked what your biggest achievements are you might say, "The biggest achievement would be having the ability to manage and direct all of the employees in the company." Instead of trying to determine who is who you would be revealing yourself as a successful leader. This could also be a way to get the employee to respect you because they see that you have accomplished some significant tasks.
If you cannot answer a question simply tell the person, "You'll have to ask them." Instead of trying to determine who is who ask yourself, "What do I know about this person?" instead of trying to convince the person to see things differently. If you can't answer a question simply say, "That's fine." Instead of trying to determine who is who just say, "That's okay."
Another great tip for finding out who is by asking the right question. This question, when you ask it the right way, will reveal that there is no answer other than yes. To do this simply ask, "Tell me of a situation where you acted in a way that fits the description of what you just said." When they respond say, "Yes, and what about this situation?" When they answer tell them, "That's great, what's your goal?"
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These questions when asked the right way will reveal to you who a person really is. Instead of trying to determine who is who try these and other questions that will reveal who they really are. Remember that everyone is unique and there is no one person that acts and answers like another person. There are also no two people alike so you must be careful not to generalize.