Note To Self #1 by zipporah

philosophy · @zipporah · Nov 1 '18 (edited)

$12.83

Note To Self #1

Found this in the archives at the magical commune where I lived when I was itty bitty. 

Looking at this image, I'm reminded of experiences I had when I was a child – of staring at photos of myself – *studying my face* – looking far beyond the surface – searching for things I believed a photo could tell me...*things I couldn't perceive from the inside.*

___

https://photos.smugmug.com/For-steemit/i-btVRNhq/0/c95c7f53/L/little-z-1%28crp%29-L.jpg

___

<h4> This image draws me in like few are capable of doing these days. </h4>

Something about my pensive expression – *like a gentle foreshadowing of the heaviness my spirit would so soon come to carry* – and my softly furrowed brow, framing eyes already so intent in their focus. 

I can't help but wonder; *what was I witnessing?* What had so arrested my attention in this moment? Is this a record of genuine melancholy? 

Or am I simply observing with the entirety of my presence, just as I do today? 

___

<h4> Remembering Kindness </h4> 

Gazing at this likeness of my younger self – I feel a compassion for her that hasn't been so easily come by this lifetime. 

**I'm so terribly hard on myself** – striving for a kind of perfection that is ultimately unattainable – holding myself to impossible standards and berating myself for failing to live up to them. 

Somehow, stepping outside of myself and courageously looking back – *with the invaluable perspective afforded me by photographs such as this* – I'm able to hijack the stubborn self-loathing that has become such a dominant part of my inner dialogue. 

When viewed as this beautifully innocent little human, I can so effortlessly forgive her flaws. I would never belittle her the way I so habitually disparage myself now. 

I could never fault her for trying her damn hardest and being so wonderfully, imperfectly **human.**

___

![littlez1bitty.jpg](https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/zipporah/BFjnPmXY-little-z-1bitty.jpg)

___

<h4> I Love Her </h4>

I adore the patchwork freckles, already kissing my soft little cheeks, and the cowlick – *that stubborn wave that lays in any direction but the one I want it to* – on her, it's a sweet touch of character...the delightful wabi-sabi woven into her cute little, tow-headed fringe. 


I'm charmed by my lovingly crocheted poncho and signature 70's plaid pants – likely hand-me-downs, well-worn and threadbare, softened by the four siblings who came before me – with holes in the knees; *perfect for the absent-minded worrying of tiny, curious fingers.*


<h5> I want to wrap her up in my arms, snuggle into her neck and whisper softly... 'it's all gonna be alright.' </h5>

___

<center> <sup> <i> Today's my birthday; I often fall into contemplative reverie on the anniversary of my birth. 
Though I've vowed to gift myself with a much-needed break from all things electronic, I may post bits of this day's inner meanderings – reflective crumbs for my future self...that I may always find my way back to my truth. </i> </sup> </center>

👍 hendrikdegrote, theycallmedan, aggroed, msp-curation, msp-active, helpiefanclub, eturnerx, zipporah, steem-ua, allseeingewe, robertandrew, doitvoluntarily, snook, sbi2, curie, meno, helpie, delishtreats, liberosist, wackou, vact, markangeltrueman, nateaguila, jackmiller, msp-lovebot, c-squared, yidneth, c-cubed, littlescribe, ngc, juliakponsford, tombstone, steemcommunity, soyrosa, soundwavesphoton, kevinwong, carrieallen, amberyooper, paintingangels, clove71, paulag, katrina-ariel, arcange, fourfourfun, personz, bluefinstudios, thekittygirl, msp-makeaminnow, ivan-g, polyphemus, crimsonclad, stsl, isaria, tamala, thealliance, saffisara, mfxae86, mammasitta, jazzhero, elizacheng, eonwarped, ellievallie, tygertyger, uniwhisp, and 280 others

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@tts · Nov 1 '18

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.
[![](https://s18.postimg.org/51o0kpijd/play200x46.png)](http://ec2-52-72-169-104.compute-1.amazonaws.com/zipporah__note-to-self-1.mp3)
Brought to you by [@tts](https://steemit.com/tts/@tts/introduction). If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

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@tygertyger · Nov 1 '18

$0.06

![s-l640.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUy1gBAixavHsqiUFwxxv5GV7XGp2HzSHuJUiqEg6sbL5/s-l640.jpg)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 1 '18

$0.04

Thank you, dear! 🤗💜🌺

👍 eonwarped

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@soyrosa · Nov 1 '18

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It's a valuable lesson: when you look at your younger self you're not as hard on her as you are on your current self. If we remember that tomorrow we would not be as hard on ourself as we are today, maybe we'll live a happier life <3 

Happy birthday @zipporah! *Be kind to you :-)*

👍 zipporah, zyx066

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

It's true – *invaluable, really, the lessons I glean from these photos.* I suspect remembering to truly love myself will be a lifelong effort, but....*I'm learning.*

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@pechichemena · Nov 1 '18

$0.09

Happy birthday my Scorpio twinsie!! I love the picture Zippy zippers.. are you sure you are not gazing into the possibilites of choco cake ? 

We are all imperfect and we should be able to love ourselves just for that , for our strong points and flaws and be able to give ourselves a little soul hug... :)

If that fails.. then.. here is a virtual hug from me ! <3<3<3

![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmV54gtt2NQDevQYF5YaonXPXZzWKAm3Ly6bpGBZzqcyiM/blob)

👍 zipporah, zyx066, night-heron

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Awww...thank you, my precious piglet buddy! I'm tickled to know our birthdays are like neighbor patches in an intricate quilt. Scorpio magic! <3 Big hugs, Pechi! xoxo

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@spozone · Nov 1 '18

$0.03

Happy happy birthday. 
For me I've successfully managed to move away from and burned,  buried,  or thrown in the ocean all things related to my past.  I'm am a new creature this day as every.  All things are possible this day.  No matter what  may,  I am grateful for the opportunity to live one more.

Have a blessed birthday.

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Wow....that seems quite extreme. I happen to feel our memories are part of what ground us. *At least, that's true for me.* I don't believe eradicating the items that trigger them would help me be any more present with each new day. They're simply part of the fabric of who I am and how I got here. 
*Thanks so much for the birthday blessing.* :)

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@spozone · Nov 5 '18

Yeah,  I suppose they do ground me in a resolution of how not to live. God help me to not be triggered by the events that happened so long ago, lest I fall back to despair and dark depressed days full of evil thoughts of vengence and wrath. Yes,  they are a part of my being, a part best left to die in the past from whence they came. 
I finally found joy, happiness, gratefulness,a celebration of peace.  I'll never go back to my to those memories to live them again but rather praise I have been made new.

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@nateaguila · Nov 1 '18

$0.06

The photo is powerful, just like your writing. Happy Birthday!

Posted using [Partiko iOS](https://steemit.com/@partiko-ios)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Thank you, kindly, Mr. Nate. Glad to know you appreciate my ramblings. ;)

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@jackmiller · Nov 1 '18

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I'll just let my little friends say it all for me!

https://youtu.be/MrXBATtOtFY

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

bwahahahaha! Thanks, Jack-o-balls!! That made me giggle. ;)

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@zyx066 · Nov 1 '18

$0.07

That's a wonderful photo all by itself, but your "contemplative reverie on the anniversary of my birth" has given it that extra "zippyness", that extra dimension and depth I've beccome used to with all your posts. You're truly a wonderfully, imperfectly human, perfectly kind and wise person. So, congratulations, dear @zipporah, and thank you once again for being here, enriching all our lives 😍🙏🍸🍰

I hope you have a great day! 💖

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

I know you and I speak the same language, good sir Winston. I appreciate the kindness you always afford me – a sincere compassion that is felt all the way across the globe. *Thank you for bein' my friend.* xo!

👍 zyx066

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@yidneth · Nov 1 '18

$0.06

Oh my god you were so cute (not that you are not now) but oh my gos those freckles and eyes filled with wonder... remember her and embrace her for that is who you are still, we all shift but we also are who we were, are and will be.  Happy Birthday just becoming wiser... Best regards and hope you celebrated among yours

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

I do agree – I think I was pretty damn cute! Intense, to be sure, but cute none-the-less. Thanks for the bday wishes, dear! <3

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@c-squared · Nov 1 '18

$0.03

c-squared-comment

<div class="pull-left">https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaSUWYsJ3AMUEMRqCSaoKJVNvtsbKm4fNAtmTidr8Uggc/C%20Squared%20Logo%20Transparency%20200px.png</div><br>This post was shared in the <a href="https://discord.gg/B8JFmJ4">Curation Collective Discord community</a> for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Thank you, of wonderful project! *I'm a fan of you.*

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@cicisaja · Nov 1 '18

$0.04

Happy Birthday @zipporah, what a pretty and cute little girl you are here.. a girl who seem so brave and not easily distracted from what she likes to do. everyone is born unique and perfect, the sturggle in life that create you to be the way you are today, Wish you all the best and a hug for the little girl inside you.

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Thank you! I suppose I do look somewhat brave, and *perhaps I was.* I'd already seen a lot for such a tiny thing. Appreciate you taking a moment to read this! ;)

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@robertandrew · Nov 1 '18

$0.03

So cute @zipporah , Reminds of a young Jodie Foster :)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

I'd never thought of that, but...I think I can see what you're seeing. *It's a sweet compliment.* I'll take it!

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@delishtreats · Nov 1 '18

$0.03

It's great when you look back and think: I love her. It means you have a good life.

Happy Birthday! :)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

I suppose that is one way of looking at it. *I'm certainly working on that.* ;)

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@gikitiki · Nov 1 '18

$0.03

Happy Birthday.    What a great picture.

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Thank you for saying so. ;)

👍 gikitiki

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@dreemsteem · Nov 1 '18

$0.08

My gosh, this was a beautifully written post.  Every word touched me.  And yes - I felt the same looking at that expression!!!   I see such sadness - but not from a temper tantrum, or a lost toy.... but that deep sadness that can't be defined... and to see such a little one with it!  

wow.  I really do wonder what was happening there too.  What had those little eyes already seen of the world?

Happy birthday beautiful friend - thanks for touching my heart today <3

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Thank you for *seeing* me, sweet one. I just posted a follow up 'Note To Self' this evening. I think I'm moving towards finishing up a post I started years ago for my regular blog. I've a feeling it'll offer some context for why this little human already wore such an intense expression. *Stay tuned.* <3

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@msp-curation · Nov 1 '18

$0.03

This post has been selected for curation by @msp-curation by @clayboyn and has been upvoted and will be featured in the [weekly philosophy curation post.](https://steemit.com/curation/@clayboyn/clayboyn-s-curation-corner-11-1-18)  It will also be considered for the official @minnowsupport curation post and if selected will be resteemed from the main account.  [Feel free to join us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/956MATM)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

oh, hey! Thank you! Much love @clayboyn. <3

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@steem-ua · Nov 2 '18

#### Hi @zipporah!

Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your **UA** account score is currently 5.174 which ranks you at **#859** across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has dropped 10 places in the last three days (old rank 849).

In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 348 contributions, your post is ranked at **#8**.
##### Evaluation of your UA score:

* You've built up a nice network.
* The readers appreciate your great work!
* Great user engagement! You rock!


**Feel free to join our [@steem-ua Discord server](https://discord.gg/KpBNYGz)**

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@amberyooper · Nov 2 '18

$0.06

This is just a lovely post from a lovely person!
Happy birthday, Ms Zippy!
You've made it all the way around the sun once again.  :-)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Yep – that appears to be true. Here I am...43 year-old me. Let's see how the next rotation goes. <3 hugs! :)

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@paintingangels · Nov 2 '18

$0.08

Dear Zippy, I missed your birthday yesterday!  I am so sorry.. I hope it was beautiful.   I love that picture of you, I knew it was you before I even saw who it was, as I saw it resteemed on @clayboyn's page.   You have such a memorable face.  Who took the picture, do you know?  It's award-winning worthy.  Just magical.

Happy happy happy birthday.. I hope the coming year is the best ever!
♥♥♥
Lotsa love!!! 
Serena

![](https://media1.giphy.com/media/FWtVYDHIxgGgE/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=f56849795bdc684e52744244514ffade)

👍 zipporah, night-heron

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Oh, dear Serena – as if you have anything at all to apologize for! It *was* rather lovely. Relaxed and laptop free – just as I wanted it to be. :) 

I have no idea who took this photo, but – I agree; it's pretty flippin' epic. 

Thank you for the beautiful GIF. It's so very *you.* <3 huggles! xoxo

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@katrina-ariel · Nov 2 '18

$0.03

I'm so glad you're you. Much love!

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Indeed, I am! Not sure how to be anybody else. ;) hugs!

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@thekittygirl · Nov 3 '18

$0.06

What a wonderful treatise on self-compassion! I love your big heart, so so much... 💖

![Birthday2013Wonderful.jpg](https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/thekittygirl/7XlRUZTj-Birthday2013--Wonderful.jpg)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

And I love *yours*, miss KittyGirl. I really do cherish your presence. <3 xo

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@melinda010100 · Nov 4 '18

$0.03

We all need to remember to give that little girl child that was us a big hug. Thanks for this wonderful reminder. And I hope your birthday was wonderful.

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

It's true, and often hard to remember. *I really am trying.* <3 Thanks for your kind words.

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@msp3k · Nov 4 '18

$0.03

This post has been curated by MSP3k.com

<center>![](https://i.imgur.com/GU9jFP9.png)</center>

This post has been voted on from MSP3K courtesy of @isaria from the Minnow Support Project ( @minnowsupport ).

Bots Information:
- @msp-active - 100%

[Join the P.A.L. Discord](https://discord.gg/tuJsjYk) | [Check out MSPSteem](https://www.mspsteem.com) | [Listen to MSP-Waves](http://mspwaves.com)

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

Thanks guys! @isaria – *you're too good to me.* <3

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@littlescribe · Nov 5 '18

$0.03

Just reading your thoughts on this photo, it's funny, but I feel almost exactly the same way about her. You sort of nailed the expression I think.

👍 zipporah

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@zipporah · Nov 5 '18

I've had plenty of time to ponder this one – more than enough opportunity to find the most accurate words possible to convey how this image makes me feel. Glad you agree with the words I've chosen. ;)

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@msp3k · Nov 7 '18

This post has been curated by MSP3k.com

<center>![](https://i.imgur.com/GU9jFP9.png)</center>

This post has been voted on from MSP3K courtesy of @isaria from the Minnow Support Project ( @minnowsupport ).

Bots Information:
- @msp-active - 100%

[Join the P.A.L. Discord](https://discord.gg/tuJsjYk) | [Check out MSPSteem](https://www.mspsteem.com) | [Listen to MSP-Waves](http://mspwaves.com)

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