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<p>This week we welcome “Poppy” Bush, Dubya, Jeb, and Marv for a fiery round table in hell.<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter (speaking to the camera): Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of those rare treats that so seldom comes about. Today we have the honor of speaking with one of the most corrupt families in this hemisphere, The Bush Clan. Buckle up, folks. This is going to be a wild ride. (turns to face George H.W. “Poppy” Bush, Dubya, Jeb, and Marvin) Poppy, I’d like to begin with you, if I may. You’ve done so many things throughout your illustrious life in occultism. What would you say was your favorite public position that you held?<br>
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<p>Poppy: That’s a tough one. I’d have to say that being the director of central intelligence was my favorite. The feeling of absolute power really got my jollies off. Also, it sure was great for my underworld heroin sales, that’s for sure! (gets whimsical look on face) It was a real honor to work with such a great group of criminals. However, I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed being vice president as well. I’d boss Reagan around day and night. Talk about a great power trip! Sometimes I’d beat him just for the hell of it. The 80s were something else, I tell ya.<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Poppy, that sure is fascinating. I bet you’re awfully proud of your boys, too. I imagine that you were beaming with pride and joy when little dubya here was anointed puppet-in-chief in 2001. <br>
(Dubya gets dumbfounded look on face and smiles)<br>
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<p>Poppy (rolling eyes): More like relieved. I’ve never seen anyone need so much damn help to amount to anything. I basically bribed his way through Yale. They didn’t even want him in Skull and Bones! I had to bribe damn near the whole cult! <br>
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<p>Dubya (pouting): Aw, daddy. None of that was my fault.<br>
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<p>Poppy (loud): Shutup, ya spoiled little brat! I wasn’t finished. Then that whole Arbusto Energy oil company. What a fiasco. Were you trying to run it into the ground? God damn disgrace. Anyway, so yeah, we finally found him a job he could handle, president of the USSA. All he had to do was go to parties, fly around, and sign what he was told to sign.<br>
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<p>Dubya (defensive): Well, who got elected twice? Huh? Not you, ya old bag!<br>
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<p>Poppy (looking at reporter): Don’t you just want to slap the slime out of his little prick ass?<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Can you adopt me?<br>
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<p>Poppy (rolling eyes and giant sigh): Fuck!<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Dubya, I’m sure you get tired of being asked about September 11 so often, so forgive me when I ask this, but what feelings did that fateful day bring out in you, knowing what a great Christian poser you are?<br>
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<p>Dubya: So many things come to mind. I guess the first thing that comes to mind is how great it was for our country, in the long run, ya know. Just think about it. Where would we be today without that wonderful human sacrifice? There sure wouldn’t be any panopticon control grid. Nope! The NSA wouldn’t be nearly what it is today if it hadn’t been for that well orchestrated attack. And where would those economic bastions of corporate freedom like Raytheon, Boeing, General Dynamics, and Lockheed Martin be today if those spectacular explosions didn’t happen? And look at how great it’s been for the common people, too. I mean, they can’t bring water through airport security anymore. How great is that? And the family heroin business has really skyrocketed since we invaded Afghanistan. </p>
<p>Poppy: I hate to admit it, son, but you’re right. Well said.<br>
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<p>Dubya: And where would my brother Marvin here be? He might still be working for that company that provided security services for the World Trade Center. What was that company again, Marv?<br>
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<p>Marvin: Securacom. You’re not supposed to bring that up to the media, ya goof.<br>
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<p>Dubya (pointing at reporter): Not even this tool?<br>
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<p>Marvin: Not even this tool. Anyway, yeah, he’s right. I got out of that company in 2000, just in the nick of time. Dumb luck, I guess. (winks at Poppy. Poppy giggles)<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Let’s turn to you now, Jeb. What has been the highlight of your disdainful life? I imagine being the governor of Florida ranks high up there.<br>
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<p>Jeb: Hell no. As you know, I’m a horrific public speaker. Being governor was a real pain in the ass, except for the payoffs, which goes without saying. Really, for me, my favorite times happened when I worked for Texas Commerce Bank in Venezuela back in the late seventies. The parties were out of this world, not to mention the money laundering opportunities! Not a day went by when I wasn’t handling illicit bagfuls of cash or coke. Bankers know how to party! (high fives Poppy)<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Wow, such an amazing family. Poppy, what insight did you give these stalwarts of vice and corruption as they were growing up to help them hone their evil skills?<br>
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<p>Poppy: Well, that’s simple. I told them to do what was right for themselves, no matter right or wrong, and screw everyone else. <br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Well said, spoken like a true Satanist.<br>
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<p>Poppy: Skull and Bones taught me well.<br>
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<p>Useful Idiot Reporter: Indeed. (turns to camera) Well, you heard it here exclusively, folks. Poppy Bush says “screw everyone else”. Words of a truly dark luciferian that we can all learn from. That’s all for now, see you next time. </p>
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