Thank you for your kind words @johnnycoinseed
Sometimes I would realize that I was born in this world and then get one chance in life and then I would be put into a position even in my nightmares didn't happen and yet the unimaginable and unexpected things like these happened into my life. 

I only had a one shot in life but it was blown off, lots of things I have already missed and lots to lose in the future and it is sad that I am fighting a losing battle with a hard and expensive fight.

I have no shoulder to cry on and I only comfort myself through writing because even eating doesn't give me comfort but rather otherwise. My misery is unspeakable and it is just all over the top. It scares me a lot knowing about the progressive nature of my bone disease because it gives additional disabilities of eyesight and hearing loss in the future.

I just want God not to let me come to experience those things because it is just too much and too long already. What just drives me is that I have a goal to keep and I am keeping myself busy into achieving those  whether I can finish them or not, fate will determine But it is just awfully hard.