Its probably worthless to respond, however, I don't want to be a man. I am a woman who wants respect for my individuality as human who doesn't fit into a simple gender stereotype. I want the same for men who have that same struggle. I want men to not be shamed for exploring the very natural human instinct to connect and be vulnerable. I want women to not be shamed for having over sexual desires. I don't want to be a man. In fact its very saddening to me when people say that I want to be a man or that I am manly. IMO maleness and feminity are not so finite and both can be strong and hard and soft... etc... Some of the strongest men I have ever met have loved letting me lead. But maybe that doesn't work for you. I fully hope that you going your own way is a fruitful journey that leads to great internal joy and contentment. I don't think it sounds too fun but I had to be alone myself sometimes to figure out what I really wanted and needed. we all on this spinning rock just wanting to be alive and free and loved and respected.