Hammered by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom ·
$28.13
Hammered
![IMG-PHOTO-ART-715606514.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRASHVP765hbsM5k5Yaqjr2aeQWUMdiYBoKy9e6w1H4Jg/IMG-PHOTO-ART-715606514.jpg)

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to focus on being calm through the thin mist of a hangover.

It was made difficult by the Good Lady and her Doula friend *Olette* squawking and flapping their wings furiously at a pile of sticks out in the garden. 

Their screeching became louder as the hauled the sticks into the kitchen. 

Fucking hell, what were they doing?? Surely they weren't going to attempt to build a nest? I hoped not as I am fairly sure *Olette* would line the fucker with her pubic hair.

I shuddered at the thought of such rank vagination.

I hauled myself up from the seat and walked over to peer at the twiggy mess they were crouched over.

It was then I saw the hammer.

Sweet jeebus!? What were they doing with a hammer? Didn't they know what could happen?

*Erm. What's going on with the hammer?*

I asked carefully in case *Olette* flew at me in a rage of feathers and squawking.

*We are using it to hammer with.*

Replied *Olette,* her dark eyes piercing me as if she was thinking of turning me upside down, sticking a bunch of the twigs up my arse and telling her friends she had made a candle.

*You can't hammer twigs?*

I said somewhat doubtfully. 

This time they both looked up at me. The Good Lady laughed in that way of women who's menfolk tell them what they can and cannot hammer.

*Go back to your man-chair, Daddy-Bear. We'll be finished soon.*

I lifted a hand feebly as if to challenge them further but at that moment *Olette* licked her lips and at the sight, my testicles painfully attempted to haul themselves into my lower abdomen.

*Alright then, try not to die using it.*

I said as cheerfully as I could.

*Olette* waved sarcastically with the hammer and nearly knocked herself out.

I chuckled then ran before they decided that I was starting to look like a nail. 
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 345 others
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vote details (410)
@slobberchops ·
$0.05
>I shuddered at the thought of such rank vagination.

I understand it.., but this is some improvisation!

![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmY2CAraSDcnLRVd3hnFHoVWrvEixzibixXfb8JB5mxexM/image.png)

The Urban dictionary tells a different tale :)
👍  , , ,
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vote details (4)
@meesterboom · (edited)
$0.04
Ha, check that!! I didn't think it was a real word!!

And damn it's totally wrong in my context!! Lol!

!ENGAGE 30
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@slobberchops ·
$0.05
Nah, its make plain sense in that context, but it's no wonder non-English speakers have a hard time with this language of ours!
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@misterengagement ·
<center><div class="center">https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/50x50/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdHfkhCPGYcfUqZqT4Br3nsmCpeVPj1BcLoepVX2PYeAE/engagetoken.png/ </div><br><br> @slobberchops you have received `30 ENGAGE` from @meesterboom!<br>View and trade the tokens on [Steem Engine](https://steem-engine.com?p=market&t=ENGAGE).</center><br><hr><center><sup>This tip bot is powered by witness <a href="https://untersatz.steem.design">untersatz</a>!</sup></center>
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@galenkp ·
Hmm, could be my new favourite word...And place to be...
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@slobberchops ·
Depending on whether you use the Urban or @meesterboom's definition!
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@davidamsterdam ·
$0.05
First a beer review and then a hang-over short story hhhmmmm... I wonder if one has something to do with the other.. Once again i'll take of my hat off for you sir.. you are creative like no other..

Kind regards, 


(upvoted & resteemed) ;)
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
Ah the sweet hangovers, always got to pay the price!! Cheers!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@captainquack22 ·
$0.05
Dont you know Boom, you might actually make a good candle.  We can call it, scent of stuffed Boom. Youd be lit when the ladies talk about their husbands, like some sort of voodoo ritual lol
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Maybe they would take it in turns to pick me up and wave me about the room.. I mean, it might be alright. You gotta be open to new things! ;0D
👍  
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vote details (1)
@old-guy-photos ·
$0.05
Just wait till they smash a finger and Gawd forbid break a fingernail! That will teach them some respect for a manly tool lol!
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
There was a mashed finger incident! It wasn't too bad althoughi did chuckle when I heard the yelp!!
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@galenkp ·
$0.05
>I asked carefully in case Olette flew at me in a rage of feathers and squawking.

Did you mean: "I asked carefully in case Olette flew at me in a rage of ~~feathers~~ pubic hair and squawking?" 

Lol.
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hahaha!! Oh man, yeah. That would have been more frightening. I would have ran and never stopped!
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@galenkp ·
🤣
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@teutonium ·
$0.05
A nest made out of pubic hair... I wonder if you can't sell that to a museum as a piece of art...

Inb4 they smash one of their fingers and ask for your help... it's only a matter of time.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
It world be one of those ridiculously priced modern art affairs with lots of people staring at it and nothing whilst stroking their chin, lol!
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@ryivhnn ·
$0.05
Pfft I love it when people prove your point trying to prove you're wrong XD (as long as nobody actually gets more than their pride hurt or at least not hurt too badly XD).

<div class="pull-right">https://technonaturalist.net/sites/default/files/styles/sensible_display/public/art/2019/09/heartfyn_0.png?itok=QHDoN0HE</div>
👍  
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@meesterboom ·
Hehe, it's a special thing when it happens. It was all quite funny as I think neither of them have picked up s hammer ever!
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@steemitboard ·
Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

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</table>

<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@meesterboom) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=meesterboom)_</sub>
<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>


To support your work, I also upvoted your post!


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@eii ·
!BEER
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@beerlover ·
<div class='pull-right'>https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaHThyECGhEx8tSfHZbiMFRNYjJ35K92cDgiJjkzBUaJo/One%20sip%20of%20BEER%20for%20you.gif<p><sup><a href='https://steem-engine.com/?p=market&t=BEER'>View or trade </a> <code>BEER</code>.</sup></p></div><center><br> <p> Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of <code>BEER</code> from @eii for you. Enjoy it!</p> <p>Learn how to <a href='https://steemit.com/beer/@beerlover/what-is-proof-of-stake-with-beer'>earn FREE BEER each day </a> by staking.</p> </center><div></div>
properties (22)
post_id84,249,978
authorbeerlover
permlinkre-hammered-20200210t153403z
categorylife
json_metadata{"app":"beem\/0.21.1"}
created2020-02-10 15:34:06
last_update2020-02-10 15:34:06
depth1
children0
net_rshares0
last_payout2020-02-17 15:34:06
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 SBD
curator_payout_value0.000 SBD
pending_payout_value0.000 SBD
promoted0.000 SBD
body_length522
author_reputation15,848,931,924,611
root_titleHammered
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 SBD
percent_steem_dollars10,000