How To Ask For What You Need In Life by basnoli

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· @basnoli ·
How To Ask For What You Need In Life
There's a saying that goes like this (my translation): "When you want something, don't ask for it. Instead, learn to be thankful (or even more so) for exactly what has been offered." This is certainly noble advice (in my opinion), but unfortunately this powerful teaching led many people to give up this very important empowering choice to ask for what need. To my mind, this attitude is the major reason that so many people fail to succeed in life. It's also the reason that most successful people seem to have a rather narrow view of success: things like having a large home, wearing nice clothes, having a big car, having lots of friends....all seem to be things that they wish for but can never seem to obtain.
In other words, rather than being the one person who is constantly asking (and wondering if you're ever going to see the answer), most people will maintain eye contact with that same trusted friend or relative throughout the asking process. They'll listen intently, and they'll really feel the question coming. In some ways, this is a form of "self-protection" - although I'm not sure that's an advisable action when asking someone for something that they really want! However, I think in the end, this teaches people to be "self-reliant".

So, if the question is, "How do I ask for what I want?" then the first step is to stop asking. Instead, take the next few moments to ask yourself a few questions about what you're really looking for. How do you see yourself in this situation? Do you see yourself as someone who is seeking someone out to complete a task for them? Or do you see yourself as someone who knows how to look for the needs that are unique to your relationship?

And then, once you've given some thought to these questions, do what you can to really maintain eye contact with that someone. You might have noticed that I'm emphasizing eye contact here - and for good reason. There's something very distinct about a person asking you for something and then continuing to look away when you ask them back. It suggests that you're not as into them as they are into you. When you ask someone for something and they don't give you a direct response, it implies that they don't really care about you.

And remember, when you do finally ask them directly, you MUST maintain eye contact. This will show them that you are interested and that they'll know that you see them as a partner. If they aren't able to maintain eye contact with you while asking for your attention, then they are either avoiding you or ignoring you. And when someone behaves like neither of those things, then it's pretty clear that they aren't actually interested in you - and you should leave them alone.

As you are asking someone for what you want, and as you are also checking them out in the process, it's okay to casually throw in a question or two. Tell them how you've been looking for them, and where you are located right now. Use a friendly yet commanding voice when you talk to them, and make sure that you know everything about them before you ask them. Asking questions like this is a lot more effective than simply asking casually.

While you're asking someone for something, be as sure as possible that you're actually asking for it and not just talking with them. Ask them if they live at (X) areas or if they work at (Y). Get their address and the telephone number for their work. This is going to show them that you seriously care and that you're willing to follow up, but you need to make sure that you're also asking them about their eye contact when they give you their number - if they don't give you their eye contact, then they are most likely avoiding you and therefore, avoiding the opportunity to ask you for the things you want.

When you're asking someone for their advice, you have to make sure that you're putting yourself in their position. If you're afraid of asking them, then you're going to have a much more difficult time. Ask for what you need, instead of expecting something from them. Also, consider what you're going to say when you speak. If you're asking them about their experience in a certain field, make sure that you're not being pushy. Don't be afraid to ask for help either - if you have to, find someone who can help you.
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