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RE: Go, go, Losers! World Cup, Personality, and Success by erh.germany

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· @erh.germany ·
Once someone says it, it seems to be a very simple realization, but in fact I don't hear it often or find it remarkable to read it: Changing teams during a competition. 

I'm not really so much in favour of a team in advance because I want to remain open to the course of the game and what's happening. Basically I don't like the winner-loser theme so much. Teams can compete, that's sporty, but why should the losers cry afterwards and why can't they be happy that they were inferior to a team that was better than them?  

I think, however, that as a spectator you tick differently than if you were the coach. 

As far as empathy is concerned, I think that the most successful people are those who have a well developed empathy and are mature personalities. 

For me, a successful person is someone who is compassionate and can put himself in the perspective of others. I think the best rulers of the past were those who were not out to go down in history and rule the land and its people well and justly. If they did end up in the books, it was because they were honored, satisfied a conflict, prevented a war and were not afraid of their enemies. The best leaders have often given their lives or have been attacked or killed by assassins. Sometimes leaders (either political or artistic) have done only one thing well or created a special work, i.e. only had temporary success. 

I consider people with good leadership to be those who follow a doubt and find out why they have it. 

I have never met a pure narcissist as I do not believe that there is anyone at all who fully unites such a quality over a lifetime. I do think, however, that those who give something like that to a person and project on him everything that seems narristic to them, stylize him to such a personality. People who get lost in ideas and ascribe evil or pathology to a dazzling figure are actively involved in the strengthening of this part of personality. The villain thus considered is then a symbol of their self-denial and may be insulted and denigrated by the people and the media. Thus the person in the spotlight may feel himself again as a victim of evil powers and projects back what has fallen on him. ....It's more complex but I think that is how a narcissist is being created. It's not an effort of a person himself, it's one of a whole system. 

....

My heart always breaks when I don't trust enough those who are at stake. In my consulting career I learned to send people away because it made sense to do so. Sometimes I have to be "hard", but loving. Keeping someone out of pity or leaving them in the game is probably a remnant of one's own immaturity. The hardest part is with my son. My heart breaks all the time when I feel a lack of trust. 

Still a lot to practice and to learn. 

Isn't a winner someone who is a good loser?
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@insight-out ·
Thank you for your meaningful comment, Erica! 
> It's not an effort of a person himself, it's one of a whole system.

You are definitely a systemic thinker. I am still more a (cognitive) behaviorist. Or a least that is what my systemic mentors and trainers say. I like both approaches, although my mentors say that you cannot combine them. According to them you are either a systemic thinker or not. Well, we will see. 

> I think the best rulers of the past were those who were not out to go down in history and rule the land and its people well and justly. If they did end up in the books, it was because they were honored, satisfied a conflict, prevented a war and were not afraid of their enemies. 

I hope you are right. Although I think that power, politics and the desire to rule attract certain people with certain qualities that are close to the "narcissistic personality" described by Freud. If they are rational enough, they would do good. Otherwise, anyone who is different is expelled by the system - i.g. killed by assassins in the past, or discredited in our time. 
I hope I am wrong.

> Sometimes I have to be "hard", but loving. Keeping someone out of pity or leaving them in the game is probably a remnant of one's own immaturity.

I hear you. I have experienced it when I was working in a school. I realized back then that being hard, but loving, was one of the best things I could do for those children. It is part of one's maturity for sure - not trying to be likable but to do the right thing. 

> Isn't a winner someone who is a good loser?

What a great perspective. He/she definitely is!
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@erh.germany ·
Thank you for your careful response. 

Yes, that's right, I am a child of systemics. It's an unusual way of seeing things & I got much fascinated about what I learned from the role models of history in this field. Also, I had excellent teachers and more than once they managed to give the class insights with their unusual way of practicing. There are a lot of parallels to Buddhism and their way of education. 

> I hope you are right. Although I think that power, politics and the desire to rule attract certain people with certain qualities that are close to the "narcissistic personality" described by Freud. If they are rational enough, they would do good. Otherwise, anyone who is different is expelled by the system - i.g. killed by assassins in the past, or discredited in our time.
I hope I am wrong.

I hope that, too. I don't know if the figures from politics tend to have narcissistic character traits. It seems that they are in a majority but then you don't hear from people who are not because they don't seek the camera. Media is really damaging and narrows how people receive news and facts. Media creates what people think of people. 

So true. It's really hard to change and not wanting to be everyones darling.
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