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OFFICIALLY UNOFFICIAL UPDATE TO TSA REGULATIONS - Starting Sometime Next Week (SATIRE) by steeminganarchy

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· @steeminganarchy · (edited)
$14.95
OFFICIALLY UNOFFICIAL UPDATE TO TSA REGULATIONS - Starting Sometime Next Week (SATIRE)
<html>
<p><img src="https://s15.postimg.cc/icu25bx8b/TSAParody_Logo.jpg" width="450" height="287"/></p>
<p>The following has been approved by the central committee of the central committee of a psycho in an oval office. &nbsp;</p>
<p>All stuffed animals and/or travel pillows will be ripped open with machetes and lackadaisically inspected with tweezers. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>Passengers who present official sterilization certifications from The WHO will be eligible to bypass the security screening theater. &nbsp;Anyone making ludicrous jokes about the band will get their ears boxed. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>Clothing with earth tones will be banned every first Tuesday of the month at Florida airports or at any airport with flights to Florida. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>All snack mix items must be unmixed and carried in separate, transparent, resealable, semi-synthetic, flexible containers that are made in Bangladesh or France. &nbsp;Anyone caught complaining about this totally reasonable regulation will get their hair pulled vigorously. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>Large quantities of diet coke will now be allowed through the security theater, but must be in drink hats only. &nbsp;TSA personnel might give a gulp-size taste test to verify that the liquid in the drink hat is pure diet coke. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>Passengers with names that rhyme with “bomb” and/or “kill” will be subjected to a minimum two hour full body cavity search. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>All facial hair will be tirelessly scrutinized on weekdays at high noon, unless we’re tired. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>Anyone born after the year 2000 will have to present a master thesis on why they weren’t born in the previous millennium. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>All shampoo is now banned on Sundays at the Des Moines International Airport in Des Moines Iowa. &nbsp;Violators will be forced to Samba. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>
</p>
<p>Anyone being overly exuberant will have their mood immediately subverted by a TSA mood subversion specialist. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p>Due to these new violations of rights, we recommend that all people attempting to fly arrive at least 12 hours before their flight. &nbsp;</p>
<p>END OFFICIALLY UNOFFICIAL UPDATE</p>
<p><em><strong>Thanks for your time and attention!</strong></em></p>
<p><em><strong>Just say "NO" to slavery!</strong></em></p>
<p>Top image is from flickr</p>
<p><img src="https://s3.postimg.org/p6jh7armr/My_Steem_Logo.gif"/>&nbsp;<br>
&nbsp;</p>
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@sohan8906 ·
How much conditions you are using to people to obey...that is really disgusting but thanks for you info..
👍  
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@tts ·
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@lanzjoseg ·
LOL JAJAJA I would say: another dog with that dead. JAJAJAJ are too rough with their inspections


---------------

Nueva entrega de mis panas los del equipo Nerds

https://steemit.com/spanish/@lanzjoseg/equipo-nerd-episodio-7
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@steeminganarchy ·
Thanks.  Yeah, the TSA irks me especially because I've had multiple horrific experiences with them.
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@herbertholmes · (edited)
$0.10
I once was told by TSA my skateboard was a weapon and had to be "destroyed". By the time another TSA agent got involved, it was clear the guy was just wrong. It was pretty funny 

> Anyone being overly exuberant will have their mood immediately subverted by a TSA mood subversion specialist. 

I'm dying. You're too much :)
👍  
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@steeminganarchy ·
A skateboard, huh? Did they let you through with it or steal it?
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@herbertholmes ·
Well ive brought skateboards on planes before and it has never been an issue so that's why I asked the opinion of another passing tsa guy. That guy was the one I mentioned before who pretty much just told the guy trying to "destroy my weapon" that he was an idiot; in more professional words
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@steeminganarchy ·
A silver lining, I guess.  :)
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