They say that divorced people have a bigger chance to divorce again when they marry again. 

When I say marriage, I use the word marriage to keep it simple, but of course, it also applies to all kinds of long-term cohabitation or relationships.

There are statistics to prove this statement.

That may be, who am I to say that statistics lie. Both my husbands have written their theses with a lot of statistics. Unreadable theses for me with difficult mathematical formulas on every page.

![IMG_0820.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmS8rBb3cCAPBDU4wfRktSp9fv2SLUD9JS6bozpCSHqYZF/IMG_0820.jpg)

I am just a simple historian, but I also use statistics in my work. The computer made it so much easier for historians to use large quantities of data to say something about the life of large numbers of people in a certain region. Famous, for instance, is the work of the French historians Emmanuel Le Roy Ladurie and Fernand Braudel.
 
But enough statistics, because how people respond on average, is not how I react or my friends and relatives in the same position. Almost nobody I know is separated twice. I notice a huge difference in the behavior of both partners in a second marriage.

I call it compassion and understanding. 

![IMG_2182 (2).JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbf8p5sChz2mL8yPEHt6Wc1SXfZdqcqTM6DhrNGUBYStS/IMG_2182%20(2).JPG)

When you are young you marry a man or a woman because you love him or her.  You love almost everything but sometimes there are some (you think: small) things in your partner you do not like. You think: 'I will change that after we are married or after we are living together'. But a lesson you learn in your life is that you cannot change the character of a person. Maybe you can change the way he or she acts a bit, but not his character.

I mean, you can teach your partner to put the cap on the tube of toothpaste, but if he or she is naturally sloppy, you can not change it. Of course, this is just a simple example, but there are of course more serious examples, such as a difference of opinion about how much alcohol someone drinks, how many hours he or she works, how money is spent, the way you deal with each other etc. etc.

And so you can slowly but steadily grow apart. There don't have to be violent quarrels but the decline has set in. Finally one or both partners decide it's enough and a separation follows. 

In the second part of this series, I emphasized the importance of not fighting (if possible of course) with your partner when children are involved.

Now in the third part, I will explain why (in my opinion and speaking about 'normal' people) a second relationship/marriage can be better than a first. With 'normal' I mean that there are no very serious problems like an addiction or mistreatment etc.

And of course only when the first marriage failed to be a success because when you are lucky your first marriage is also your last and you grow old together!

When you meet someone new after your divorce you are more cautious and you take the time to really know each other.

![IMG_2555 (2).JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSk9BExh2AVWsPR2PAcfBtnoh3rUHREv1GbxHgAxbQr78/IMG_2555%20(2).JPG)
 
You both have a life behind and you have learned a lot along the way. So when you decide to live together in one house, you are better prepared.

![IMG_7549 (2).JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWgzhBWohMQSJiy3x3WQCJ7JyLZrRt2qTDye7TDxME7hV/IMG_7549%20(2).JPG)

BUT, more importantly, you have learned an important lesson. You do not want to change the other person anymore, you know it won't work, but you accept his peculiarities and smile when he does something that you would have been very angry about in your first relationship. When your partner does the same, your life together is so much easier.

![IMG_6785.JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTg3C5WwmQoL4tMX2QY9kk2vetCbZVVDQ4YFTNkiiLzDp/IMG_6785.JPG)

You have learned that a loving relationship is a gift and that you have to work hard to keep it that way. It is not a given, you really have to do something for it.

No struggle, but harmony 
Empathy instead of emotion
Compassion instead of feeling angry

Not always, of course, and not all the time, but very very often!

When this happens, as it happened to me, than you are a lucky man or woman. Enjoy your life and be happy!

I wish you all a nice day and a happy life.
Clio