Dear Diary: I Wish That I Could Die To Be Born Again And Start Over by cryptopie

onemealaday · @cryptopie · Mar 20 '18 (edited)

$10.21

Dear Diary: I Wish That I Could Die To Be Born Again And Start Over

![P_20180319_190525_BF_1.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmQ5t2Ro5j1aykw6jzY5zEDHoZgrFNejTnFeDpU8pNBjCF/P_20180319_190525_BF_1.jpg)

I can still blog considering that my body is numb currently. It is just like that when I have much fluids within my body that it could handle. It happens and I remember a long time ago this thing happened when I was only getting one dialysis per week. The nurses would take 7 kilos of fluids  from my body and a couple of days before my dialysis my body is just all numb.

When your body gets all numbed down you are to drag it for it to move. Things are heavy but I can still manage somewhat before. But it is different today because there is an issue of not being able to breathe normally so I am struggling to cope up and I just wished to die when this thing is happening to me.

I just wished that life has a restart button so that I could correct what things I have done wrong. But I remember when I got the findings of my kidney biopsy many years ago when the doctor told me that my kind of kidney disease will recur even when I get a transplant. It was the turning point of my life that changed me the way that I am now.

I am just surviving now because of my perseverance and willingness to find ways to improve my life and thanks to steemit community that it gave me more hope but I am worried that there is not enough time for hoping for better things to come because waiting might defeat hope as all is hard for me now.

👍 asmolokalo, lugina, brianphobos, cryptopie, teamsteem, hanshotfirst, leeuw, ackza, tremendospercy, nezbong, jaderpogi, markush, hmushtaq, saisei, derrick829, thecryptofiend, pnc, middle-theory, mrs.agsexplorer, gheghenrv, harshallele, natubat, crimsonclad, armshippie, aderemi01, lyndsaybowes, mahbubrobin, coquiunlimited, iwanderela, rosemary-k, lanadancer, berkah, supernovastaffy, lucky-sable, linda-rose, sitiaishah, buzzbeergeek, bestbiz, lval115, maygualidacr56, jmido8, amoni, adventureevryday, lastdaysoutlaw, bohol, greenstar, leoumesh, kiddarko, lauraroslin, stimp1024, kriptonoob, gabbrielle, bitcoiner, dadview, rashbash, calvin87, lexiconical

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@lanadancer · Mar 20 '18

$0.06

You are in my thoughts and prayers

👍 cryptopie

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@amoni · Mar 20 '18

$0.06

The Lord shall continue to strengthen you @cryptopie. Am happy you found something(steemit) that keeps you busy and consoles you in a way.

👍 cryptopie

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@sitiaishah · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

I really admire you for being strong and despite of all the pain and burdens u having now. We are all living in this world with different mission and purpose in life... I don't know, but I want to believe that there is life after death where we can live happily ever after without pain, heartaches and sickness...A life where we can find peace, happiness, and love...

Just hold on with your faith in God and he will help you to ease all your pain...

👍 cryptopie, ackza

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@hmushtaq · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

Don't lose hope man. We all go through despair and sadness. Life isn't easy for anyone. We all sometimes are in a situation where we don't wish to live anymore. But we should shun away such feelings and move on :)

👍 cryptopie

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@ammyluv · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

Dear friend, I know you might not believe this, but you have a very strong personality.

You don't need to die before you can become born again. Yes, sometimes we wish to start all over again, but the bible have made that possible.  It says " if we accept Jesus as Lord and Master that old things have passed away and we will start afresh. We can right our wrongs by simply acknowledging them then ask God forgiveness. 

I admire you so much. You've got a fan from Nigeria, praying and rooting for you. Don't worry, everything will be alright in due time. 

All the best friend

👍 cryptopie, ackza

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@christinb · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

I am praying for you,just hold on to the faith and  God will take your pain away.

👍 cryptopie, ackza

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@jpkonkz · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

God will be with you......Dont give up stay strong....you shall not die you shall live and proclaim the works of the lord in your life @cryptopie.....God is your strenght bro.

👍 cryptopie, ackza

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@wanderess · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

Your faith, courage is an inspiration @cryptopie. 
Don't ever get the feeling back (wishing to die). Remember Lord has HIS SUPREME plans for all of us stored. And now we are steemit family here. I'm praying for your health. 

Lastly, don't lose hope. 
Nothing can defeat hope. This too shall pass dear friend.  ❤

👍 cryptopie, ackza

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@aderemi01 · Mar 20 '18

It is well with you my friend

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@bestbiz · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

Prayer anwsereth all things as it was said in the scripture and your own case will not going to be different.Believe me , in this battle ,we will surely going to win ,hackened to your faith in God who brought salvation to the face of mankind and you will enter the victorious life that is awaiting for you.In summary , never give up my dear.

👍 cryptopie, ackza

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@ackza · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

Think about everything you've built  here on Steem and you will feel better knowing your able to leave everything behind .... Also you really need serious opiate pain killers to really be able to enjoy yourself more, with should really fight for you to get REAL opiate painkillers not the bullshit they give you, I know they make a big deal out of the stuff they give you being really powerful but it is a lie to make them and you feel better, the doctors are failures and they know that, or else youd be in a much better condition, liKe I said before, Philippines is never going to help you you need western medicine and western pain killers, someone should special order you some hydromorphone it will make youre whole body feel better and it is common to give it to people in your condition with un manageable pain

👍 cryptopie

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@cryptopie · Mar 20 '18

$0.39

If it wasn't for my bone condition I am okay. But I am puzzled why my heart doesn't conk out with all these stresses that I am experiencing. Quite really I am in torturous condition and I am desperate already @ackza. My doctor actually is not serious of giving me an opiod medication prescription but I will try since I needed it so badly now.

👍 leeuw, lauraroslin

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@abdulmanan · Mar 20 '18

$0.06

We can't restart our life, but we should live it at full.

👍 cryptopie

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@maygualidacr56 · Mar 20 '18

How difficult is the situation you are going through.Less badly you have the strength to keep going!!

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@soumon · Mar 20 '18 (edited)

try to find creator creator.

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@supernovastaffy · Mar 20 '18

$0.07

Your perseverance and strength are truly admirable. I hope the numbness and pain will leave your body sooner rather than later

👍 cryptopie

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@lval115 · Mar 20 '18

$0.06

Your strength and perseverance are inspiring to all!

👍 cryptopie

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@lastdaysoutlaw · Mar 20 '18

$0.06

Have you tried with THC oil? I've seen it does wonder. Be strong.

👍 cryptopie

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@lauraroslin · Mar 20 '18

keep going.... keep writing.  You are touching many hearts, having impact. Maybe you're softening the hearts of people reading your words.  We all need help to remain human, to be empathetic, so take it that you are helping us too, while you are expressing your thoughts. 
- your life while painful and with limitations, is important and making a difference.   
And yes I too wish that there was re-incarnation, maybe there is! 
I check your posts each day on steemit, keep on keeping on.

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